Monthly Archives: September 2020

End of the month health insurance bullshit

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Picture of fire
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

An American Healthcare rant:

My lifelong mortal enemy strikes again to make life difficult: So Sunday I sent in a prescription in for a refill because it ran out. Following my doctors plan, I was expecting to pick up a new dose for my antidepressant from 20 to 40 mg. I get a call from the office saying that the insurance company (Applecare) not only won’t cover ANY dose of that antidepressant, but “suggested” other drugs to take instead. Drugs I’ve tried before in the past which did nothing for me or gave shitty side effects. My current med doesn’t give bad side effects and is the only antidepressant drug that’s ever worked for me and changed my life for the better.

Long story short, I called the number on the back of my insurance card and it was resolved in 5 minutes. Which is the great coverage and service I’ve come to expect from Community Health Plan of WA. I’m incredibly lucky to qualify for this right now because I’m unemployed. I get full coverage. I am so grateful for this health plan. So, having this happen was a slap in the face.

At the end of the month, insurance companies try to deny patients any prescribed drug which would be expensive for them to cover to save money. Apparently this has been happening since before I was born. Insurance companies count on you not fighting them so they can save money for themselves at your health expense.

Even if prescribed by a patients doctor, and even if that patient has tried every other available RX for that condition. If I had to pay out of pocket, my medicine would be $250-300 A MONTH for 30 pills. Which is what I’ll have to pay when I get a job again since most health plans don’t cover shit for prescription drugs, like my last plan with Kaiser Permanente. Hopefully I will know by the end of the day if this is resolved. Fuck you insurance companies.

Due to current prescription drug laws, it will be another 18 months before this medication is generic. AKA Affordable. That is if Trumps pick for the Supreme Court doesn’t throw out The Affordable Care Act and brings back “pre-existing conditions” to deny coverage.

So, if you need to refill your prescriptions today, expect denial by your insurance company. Hopefully, it will be resolved with a phonecall and be covered again. That is if you have a reasonable health insurance company like I do. I wish anyone dealing with our nightmare American healthcare system luck. This alone is why nobody should move to America.

I hope that I don’t have to go long without my antidepressant. If I have to, I can cope until Thursday when it becomes October. I’m already feeling sad because my Dear Grandfather passed last week, and not having my regular dose of medication doesn’t help.

I dunno what is making me the most grumpy… The stressful world we live in, the uncertainty of finding work, not socializing with friends or family much, or the preexisting state of my DNA which led to my current health conditions I manage.

I’ve been on this unwilling ride to a healthy mental health for 12 years. That is far too long. Going in, I expected maybe 5 years at most. I’m so tired of having my life on hold because insurance won’t cover my medication or therapy visits. I am really trying to be positive and believe that this year is the turning point. This is not for a lack of trying every other way such as self improvement tips, exercise, meditation, healthy eating, and so on. Half my depression is physical brain chemistry. The only way to treat it is with medicine.

This is why voting is so important this year. Trump hasn’t done shit to change the fucked up Healthcare system. Not that he has done anything to help anyone but himself and his cronies. I like Joe Biden. I doubt he will change much in the system thanks to how fucked up Trump has destroyed America. It’s simply a huge amount of work to recover from and so many burning issues to address.

God dammit, I just want to live in peace with minimal suffering. To make my way and have anyone struggling with medical conditions to not have to pay the equivalent of car payments for medicine. This system feels like its setup for you to fail. Going through the slow process of finding the medications to treat you is difficult. I am so fortunate that my daily survival doesn’t depend on my medications. Insurance companies don’t care about you. All you are is another expense while they pay their CEOs millions of dollars.

Thank you for reading my rant. How has your experience been with prescription drugs and the American Healthcare system?

American flag
Photo by Aaron Schwartz on Pexels.com

https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Rest in peace Gumpa

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My dear grandfather, Don, who I called Gumpa passed away this week. A few days ago. Despite my best efforts from this profound loss, this is the best I can do for today. I’m in the hurricane grief. There is so much more to say. I’m not able to today. I need time to process. Grief sucks every time. It has its own schedule. Because of the pandemic, more so. Gumpa lived a long full life of 92 years. Though my family knew this would happen one day… I can’t believe he’s gone. 😥🙁

I’ll edit this later. (Man the mobile WordPress block options suck compared to the desktop version).

Tell your loved ones and the people in your life that care about how you feel. You never know when it will be the last time.

I love you Gumpa. I’m so grateful to have known you for so long. You will be dearly missed. I’ll remember you for the rest of my life. Oof.

In a Haze

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Picture of the forest fires from my residence in Seattle.
Picture of the smog from the backyard from last saturday

It was dark inside my bedroom.

I turn on my phone, check the air pollution index. It’s green.

I get up, put some pajamas on, and go out to for the newspaper. I take a long deep breath.

The smog is gone. Air crisp with a hint of sweet pine.

For the first time in a week I can breathe fresh air.

I feel my inner smog dissolve.

No wonder I’ve been so anxious. Lethargic.

It was dark inside my bedroom.

I remember the smog rolling in that first night.

It slithered through the window grates.

It had an odor like weed and alder in a bonfire.

By the morning it became a slow poison… Smog.

I felt closed in a prison when I closed the last open window in the house.

It felt like the slowest week of the year.

I am ready for 2020 to be over.

For today, I’m grateful to have fresh air to breathe.

Through the haze I have clarity.

I don’t want to work awful minimum wage jobs.

Need to get a car.

I want to go back to college. For what? I can’t say.

I feel ready to date again.

For now, I need a job for all these.

I can do this.

Songs of the week:

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Taking a short break

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I’ve had some personal issues to work on this week. I’ll do an extra post in the near future to make up for this. Be back on schedule next Saturday. Thanks for understanding.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Anxiety shock

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Anxiety Shock: An art piece I created with Tombow green and black markers in 2016. It's my attempt at a tornado style Jackson Pollock piece.
Something I made in 2016… Reflective of how I feel when anxious.

Anxiety Shock

I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be afraid.

Why? It’s Tuesday.

Anxiety? Anxie-day.

The worst possible things have already happened to me. It was my fault.

Zapped of energy, laying on the couch.

A human anchor.

What am I afraid of?

That I’m too old at 34 to be a good human.

That it’s too late to turn life around.

I’m afraid that I’m crazy. When is it a flaw, and when is it mental illness?

I’m afraid that nobody will love me in a romantic way.

I’m afraid that I will hurt someone. That I won’t be able to handle it.

Anxiety is torture because you think the thoughts above… And the following:

I am enough, as I am now.

I am not a victim. I am capable.

It’s not too late. It’s never too late.

You ain’t too old yet.

You’ve been here before. You’ve handled it well, and not. You are learning from your mistakes.

Everyone is worthy of love.

Being worried about causing harm shows you have empathy. It shows that you are considerate of others.

Everyone makes mistakes. You choose whether to learn from it, or not. It’s your choice.

You know, maybe I’m feeling anxious because the air quality sucks right now.

My kitten Coconut has been sneezing through the day. All the windows inside are shut.

Maybe a month left of summer here in Seattle.

The emerald city is covered by smog.

Great… Forest fire smog during a pandemic. This year’s a damn apocalypse bingo.

Last night around 10:30pm, I could smell the smoke rolling in the space between the houses. Smelled like a mix of alder wood and weed.

Fuck it, I want cold rice and pickles.

Yes.

Time for a cold shower.

Song of the post:

The 54321 Grounding Method

Here is a DBT skill I learned this week. It’s called 54321. So you choose a sense: Taste, Smell, See, Hear, Touch, and noticed that number of things in the room around you with the number until you have calmed yourself.

The 54321 grounding technique is simple, yet powerful. Like gradually attaching anchors to the boat, this method slowly pulls you back to earth. 

First, take a moment to become mindful of your breath. Just a few deep breaths invite your body back into the moment, slowing everything down. Then, become aware of your environment.

  • Look For 5 Things You Can See: Notice the wood grain on the desk in front of you. Or the precise shape of your fingernails. Become aware of the glossy green of the plant in the corner. Take your time to really look and acknowledge what you see.
  • Become Aware Of 4 Things You Can Touch: The satisfyingly rough texture of the car seat. Your cotton shirt against your neck. If you like, spend a moment literally touching these things. Maybe notice the sensation of gravity itself, or the floor beneath you.
  • Acknowledge 3 Things You Can Hear: Don’t judge, just hear. The distant traffic. The voices in the next room. As well as the space between sounds.
  • Notice 2 Things You Can Smell: If at first you don’t feel like you can smell anything, simply try to sense the subtle fragrance of the air around you, or of your own skin.
  • Become Aware Of 1 Thing You Can Taste: The lingering suggestion of coffee on your tongue, maybe?”

More on it here:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: Manage Anxiety By Anchoring In The Present

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

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© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

kitten blocked

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I’m fighting for my writing journal and pen as I write this. My kitten, Coconut, born June 13th is attacking my arms, my hands, and the journal/pen. She wants to play. She is nipping my fingers. Chewing on the corners of the page. I’m holding her up as she wiggles in my left hand, chewing on my fingertips. She is half on the journal and half in my hand in a curled ball. I’m the toy. Coconut, or “Coco” for short, is a Siamese kitten with white and grey fur. Blue eyes, grey ears and grey-black tail. in this zoom group she hasn’t been still. She’s been exploring my desk… Walking in front of my webcam and watching the pc screen with intent interest.
I’m having trouble writing because she is lying on the page, like it’s a new bed perched on my office chair armrest. She is entranced with the moving pen as I write this.

Just now

I am physically blocked from writing more. 5 minutes pass. Coco has settled onto my lap, purring. Gazing lovingly up at me, purring. She closes her eyes and takes a nap. I’m free to write again. The joy of having a kitten.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!