Picture of the smog from the backyard from last saturday
It was dark inside my bedroom.
I turn on my phone, check the air pollution index. It’s green.
I get up, put some pajamas on, and go out to for the newspaper. I take a long deep breath.
The smog is gone. Air crisp with a hint of sweet pine.
For the first time in a week I can breathe fresh air.
I feel my inner smog dissolve.
No wonder I’ve been so anxious. Lethargic.
It was dark inside my bedroom.
I remember the smog rolling in that first night.
It slithered through the window grates.
It had an odor like weed and alder in a bonfire.
By the morning it became a slow poison… Smog.
I felt closed in a prison when I closed the last open window in the house.
It felt like the slowest week of the year.
I am ready for 2020 to be over.
For today, I’m grateful to have fresh air to breathe.
Through the haze I have clarity.
I don’t want to work awful minimum wage jobs.
Need to get a car.
I want to go back to college. For what? I can’t say.
I feel ready to date again.
For now, I need a job for all these.
I can do this.
Songs of the week:
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A pretty good metaphor for having depression, and struggling to write.
977 words.
This week it makes perfect sense. I’ve already posted twice, on Sunday, and Tuesday for the One vote in Seattle posts. On Monday I went with my mother on a trip to Mount Rainier National Park, on the Sunrise area.
Photo of Mt. Rainier from the wonderland trail.
If you haven’t been there before, it truly is spectacular. This was only the second time in my life I had been to Mt. Rainier, and that was when I was a teenager and didn’t appreciate it.
More information about Mount Rainier here on it’s website:
In all, it was a day trip from Seattle. I almost made the mistake of driving there with only a half tank of gas. By the time we arrived at the entrance, the tank was on empty. Which meant driving back 40 miles to Enumclaw to get gas, because we also missed the only gas station nearby. If we had continued on, we would have ran out of gas on the windy 10 mile climb up the mountain pass to the Sunrise visitors center.
On a clear day, you can see Mount Rainier from town. Of course as I write this, it’s a typical overcast day in Seattle. The classic stereotype of Seattle is that it rains a lot, but in reality, its mostly daunting overcast grey skies. There is a reason why Grunge, Starbucks, and why pot was legalized here.
While summers are usually warm and sunny, it’s days like this that get to you here.
So, though I truly enjoyed the trip to Mt. Rainier, and the escape from the city, and the same surroundings for walks… Between this and the two long posts, I’ve been physically and emotionally exhausted this week. I haven’t driven this much since I drove to Yakima to visit family with my mother.
I been feeling guilty because I’m unemployed and haven’t really done much to feel I’ve earned the right to be exhausted. Fuck, I’m tired of being isolated. I’m tired of feeling lost in life. Before 2020, my life was just starting to turn around. I had a job, I had a career direction, I made new friends, I was starting to save money to move out, and I felt ready to date. Now I feel I’m going backwards.
The good news is that I do have savings, though how much will depend on how long the pandemic lasts in the U.S. . I did have an interview for a job a little while ago, but I wasn’t hired. It’s hard to apply to work where you will lose money compared to unemployment benefits + my awesome state insurance, Applecare. All I qualify for is minimum wage work, and that rarely offers health insurance. When it does, it barely or doesn’t cover medications or therapy. So that’s $300 out of pocket a month right there. That’s without considering the brutal job market right now.
I am interested in going back to school, but I don’t know what I want to do, and college is expensive. In person classes are up in the air right now. I’m wary of more online stuff because I already feel I’m addicted to the internet between streaming, Reddit, and Facebook. I don’t want to live this way. I’m anxious of growing the blog through social media for this reason.
I have made progress this year with dating. Though both attempts led to rejection. The first one was an end to a relationship, and the second merely bad timing. I tried Hinge out for a couple hours this week, and I already hate it. Clearly I’m not ready to get back into dating. (I already went and paused that profile.) Yeah… I know that is barely any time invested. Dating is like having a job these days.
It’s hard to have faith when you aren’t religious, and your dating history is a big shutout online and in real life. Well, I’ve had a handful of dates before. Of the 5 official dates I’ve had, 2 were awful, and 3 were okay to disappointing. Between that those times, I wasn’t really emotionally available to date. (Admitting this is probably a mistake…) Life would be so much easier if I was asexual and a-romantic, but I’m not either of those things. I don’t mind being single or being by myself. I dunno, maybe this is another grass is greener thing.
Online dating in a nutshell.
I am grateful to still have friends, but the loneliness is getting to me. Texting and Facebook only help so much. It’s been months since I’ve seen friends in person.
In short, I’m burned out.
“What is burnout?
Burnout is a state of chronic stress that leads to:
physical and emotional exhaustion
cynicism and detachment
feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment
When in the throes of full-fledged burnout, you are no longer able to function effectively on a personal or professional level. However, burnout doesn’t happen suddenly. You don’t wake up one morning and all of the sudden “have burnout.” Its nature is much more insidious, creeping up on us over time like a slow leak, which makes it much harder to recognize. Still, our bodies and minds do give us warnings, and if you know what to look for, you can recognize it before it’s too late.”
I am really drawing a blank. I’m frustrated that this post is late, and I apologize for that. So here is a funny meme I found yesterday:
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, comment, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!
The time to change the world is here. It is currently 1:19pm PST and I have less than 6 hours to finish this piece in time for the 8pm PST deadline. I haven’t voted myself as I write this. Time to pull out the evolving Spotify playlist I use to pump me up! Time to work…:
One vote in Seattle part 5
2020 has been a crazy year made worse by poor voting decisions made in 2016 when Trump was elected. I sure didn’t vote for him. Yes, it’s only the state primary election, but your decision on who to vote for can start to alter the future. While the November election will have the world watching who Americans choose for the next POTUS between Joe Biden (D) and Donald Trump (R), the real foundational changes will be at the local and state level.
During this covid-19 pandemic, here in America, we have seen the results of leadership or not between the 50 states. Ignoring the expert advice by Virology and Scientists, who devote their lives to understanding disease, because the goes against your political beliefs… Is like Democratic President Barack Obama ignoring the attacks on 9/11. The right wing would be furious, and rightfully so. This is what it feels like as a Liberal in America right now.
For people in some states, you can not vote and die, or stand up for yourself and vote. You can choose to vote someone in who actually cares about your life over politics, over the fucking economy. It’s vote or die!
This is part 4 of a series of posts covering the candidates for governor in the WA state primary election. Here is part 1. Holy shit I’m only on 16/37 of all the candidates. What the fuck was I thinking? For those that have read the previous three posts, I apologize for not posting yesterday and promising I would. I was burned out after Friday’s post. I’m also frustrated at myself for not doing a small writeup. Now I have to finish this series in the next 2 days. While the in person drop off for ballot boxes is the same day on Tuesday, August 4th, the deadline for mailing the ballots is by tomorrow, August 3rd. Warning: post gets weird. 2527 words.
Since I discovered the Spotify embed in the WordPress editor last post, I’m going to change the format of future posts to have the music in the beginning. This week, I’ve been getting back into Incubus again. Back in the late aughts and early 2010’s, I used to have them on heavy rotation on my Microsoft Zune.
Edit: Damn, I thought I still had my Zune in a storage box, but I couldn’t find it!
Overall impression: A classic example of a candidate that has been in the politics game a long time. Election experience as a party delegate this year, along with military, professional, and community service experiences. In short a career activist on the path to being a politician. A bit over the top with statement tone and word choice. Maybe I’m nitpicking.
Weird stuff: (I figure it’s better to combine “Statement flaws + things that stand out” into this from now on)
Anyway… Weird stuff: “Multidisciplinary Studies at The University of Hard Knocks; Post Baccalaureate Graduate Studies in Business Administration, Healthcare Management, Law and Accounting” So, did he get a degree after his Bachelors, or is he bullshitting us by listing the classes he took, but didn’t go ahead and finish his degree? Probably bs, based on this cringy detail Multidisciplinary Studies at The University of Hard Knocks. Ugh.
“as Washington State Governor, I would most likely sign that reform, given my sense of it, as the next step for healthcare as an unalienable right.” Why are you wasting my time with most likely… AKA maybe? I’m already leaning Maybe No towards choosing you. “Our pandemical tsunami has changed the lay of the land.” GROAN.
“In my mind, it really is Full Mobilization, All Hands, Non-Profits, Profits and Government needed, urged, coached and inspired.” What the hell does this mean? Other than empty bullshit, once again.
“I will establish a Kitchen Cabinet concept in Office of the Governor” Lol, wut?
Yeah, I’m sure he meant this.
“Onward. We already have top quality, volunteers waiting in the wings.This is our home. We want, We deserve more. Putting People First, Keeping People First. It short, I want the good, better and best angels of our nature, fully mobilized, not the ugly, worst and flawed earth angels of our nature. My apology for long-winded polemic, but you did press the on button and it worked.The only limits to our realizations of tomorrows will be our doubts of todays. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.” Um…. Why is this familiar to me? Oh I know!
Needless to say, this strange turn is not going to convince me to vote for him.
I’m trying something different this week with this series of posts. I’m considering to post more often until I get another job. I was reminded today, that the WA primary election is on August 4th, which is 7 days from now. So, my goal is to complete my review of the 37 candidates by then.
Monday was fucking hot. As hot as putting your hand into a 450 degree oven. It was 93F on Monday in Seattle. I believe the hottest day so far this year. So I didn’t feel like doing much of anything, let alone writing… The days in 2020 are blending together. My mom said something about last year earlier today. I said “Last. Year?” What’s that?” With dry sarcasm. 2019 feels like a decade ago in 2020 America. At this point, the only thing that would surprise me would be “First Contact” with aliens. The only small amount of influence I have is to vote. I’m lucky, and grateful to live in a state with mail in voting. It’s so simple, and safe that seeing other places fight against it is like arguing against modern plumbing. Sure you can shit in an outhouse. But why would you when you can go number two inside where it’s far more comfortable and convenient? Utter blasphemy. First world problems, lol.
Anyway, here’s the next 5 candidates running for the Governor of Washington State…
37 different people running for governor this year! Progress! And horror because now I have to review all of these! Oof.
To my horror today, I opened my ballot and saw the photo above. I assumed going into this writing project that I could easily knock the hole thing off in maybe 2 posts about 2,000 words. Boy was I wrong! I published Fridays post and realized that Alex Tsimerman’s review was 1400 words! Fuck. I was in the zone in the 8 hours it took to write it. So, I’ll change things up, and keep it brief for each candidate. Here we go…
I feel I waver between the professional and laziness spectrum for photos. Perfect Instagram photos are so boring to me. Life is about appreciating imperfection. Humans aren’t perfect.
Candidate # 2: Phil Fortunato. Republican Party.
Overall impression: Phil’s profile is a standard for a current elected official. Makes sense as he has held office on three separate occasions. I don’t agree with his Republican politics so I know I’m not voting for him. The current Republican politics of America are callous and selfish. Covid-19 is a human survival issue. Wearing masks, keeping your distance from people, and washing your hands is being considerate to your fellow human. It’s about being responsible for your actions. It’s about not wanting to inflict harm onto others. Don’t be a masskhole. Please, follow the guidelines.
Statement Flaws: Community service- Marriage is not community service. Neither is the number of children you have. To imply so is to say that your kids are sex trophies. Now that’s fucked up. He follows that by pimping out his kids military service for his own gain. Wow.
Things that stand out: “You can check my voting record…” Lol, nope. “Now his(Governor Jay Inslee) inconsistent response to Covid-19 has caused untold economic and social devastation to families and small businesses around the state.” I’m going to have to disagree with this statement. On the basis of science and empathy. My fellow Washingtonians and I were right to vote governor Inslee into office. It’s why our total covid-19 case count is: 53,231. Inslee has been proactive, follows expert advice, and took action early. This is so out of touch with reality.
I’m about to piss some people off with this series of posts over the next few days. Frankly, I’ll probably lose some family members who are on the other side of the aisle who are supporters of the current POTUS. I don’t care anymore. I’m proud to be a liberal, a far left politics person in the United States. America has become an embarrassment under Trump. Nobody is safe, not even here on the west coast in the liberal cities. I thought this would be easy to do in one post, but this year’s voter guide is a doozy. So, I’ll be giving them the good old free press treatment and roast all of them. Comedy and satire is the most accurate journalism these days. I encourage every voter to seek out as many possible voices to make an educated choice on who to vote for. Here is my voice from the political left… 1448 words.
2020 primary ballot
My ballot for my local primary election arrived in the mail this week. Arriving the same day as the ballot was The Washington State voters guide. Part of the fun for me voting is reading this for the candidate profiles. Some profiles like “GOODSPACEGUY” are so insane that it’s hilarious. Though in the Trump world, I fear he might actually be elected. More on him later.
I’m struggling with this reality we live in current day America. A narcissist President who denies Science and empathy for his own selfish ends. But he is one man. I’m terrified and disgusted on a human level with his supporters. Wearing a facemask is a political issue to them. The entire world in a pandemic. A disease has no politics. The two requests: wear a facemask when leaving your house, and keep six feet of distance between other humans… Is apparently to much for local Seattelites to do at the park near my house. Every day on my walk, maybe half of other locals at the park or exercising like I am, are wearing a mask. Then 10% of those people are wearing it on their chin, or forehead until they get close to others. I feel I have resting bitch face when I’m out walking because of this shit. Then I’m seeing parties at houses with many people. Packed boats at the lake with nobody wearing masks… I fear the covid case count is about to spike sharply in the next month. All this in Left leaning Seattle. Though I’m a far left politics person, it feels like a tiny haven from the horrors of Trump. Where’s the hope for America when fellow Americans only care about themselves? Nobody survives alone in our world. It’s impossible to do all of the work by hand in our capitalist world. It’s hard to be empathic to fellow humans when their physical presence alone is a threat to your survival. Not voting is not a choice. It’s life or death for all Americans.
Okay… That was a sobering end to the first paragraph. I started writing this intending for this blog entry to be funny. Well, I’ll let those running for WA State governor say it best… In their own words and profiles. I present to the absurdity of the August Primary!
17 pages of the whopping 88 pages is candidates running for the office of state governor. It can’t be that bad… Right?
The first two candidates
First two candidates for WA governor. An interesting note which will be soon demonstrated in the corner near the page numbers: ” King County Elections does not correct punctuation, grammar, or fact check candidate and measure statements.” Buckle up kids.
So it begins…
Alex Tsimerman is first. For context, WA state has no requirement for candidates to choose a political party to be able to run. In its place under their name is their political party of preference. My impression of his photo is that he looks like an evil-idiot-bizarro George Carlin. (Evil George Carlin pic)
Tsimerman’s political party? StandupAmerica. What the fuck is that?! Elected experience: none. Gotta start somewhere, right? Other professional experience: Business, Business consultant, and Caregiver for my mother. While I applaud him for being compassionate towards his parent who needs care, this is a job interview by voters! Oh, maybe he got his degree in nursing! (Reads next paragraph…. Nope!)
Education: College, University, Master degree in Engineering & management. And… How could a college graduate with a master’s degree be so stupid? First off, if you have a college degree, all you need to say is that I have a ______ in _____. I know because I have an AAS in Catering & Banquet Operations aka a Culinary Arts degree. I’m inclined to think he’s lying about his education on first impression. Second, anyone with a high school education knows that you don’t need to put “College, University” before your degree title. Well, I know I’m not voting for him. Sigh… But I must press on to finish this blog post. As the great Eric Andre said on the YouTube show, Hot ones (a show where host Sean Evans interviews people while both eat spicy chicken wings sauced with the world’s spiciest hot sauces), “Gotta give the internet what it wants”
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