I’m not sure what else to say here. The time off helped.
I’m not entirely refreshed about writing/blogging. Not having to do it for three weeks was necessary. I’m hard on myself whenever I mess up—a recovering perfectionist.
I needed that break. It forced me to do other fulfilling activities, such as cooking instead. My brain needed a rest.
I don’t know how often I’ll be putting out posts… For now, all I know is that I’m back to a regular schedule. I need deadlines and routines to function. I’m finally feeling comfortable at work and am starting to notice some headspace to think about other things.
It’s taken me a long time to be comfortable at work. At a place, I like working at. That’s a big deal for me.
I have to trust the process and appreciate the small steps. So, this post is the best I can do.
Long term, I’ll have to schedule breaks in the future.
This has been something bothering me for a long time. But after reading this post by Renard’s World (and a few related linked posts at the end)…
It’s clear that I don’t love blogging. I do love interacting with fellow bloggers in the comments, but that’s about it. I guess I started the blog as a way to express myself and connect with others in the world, and to find out if I was any good at this. I was hoping to finally be good at something. I’ve kinda achieved those.
I don’t know why I do this, or why anyone would want to read this blog.
I don’t see what benefit improving anything would change.
If I’m being honest, I don’t love myself. I’m burned out on life. Having multiple mental illnesses doesn’t help. Not being able to trust others doesn’t help. I just kinda exist for the sake of it. So, I guess I need a bunch of further time in therapy to change myself. Having regular therapy helped me last year in being consistent.
I don’t know what I want from life. I wish that “nothing” was an acceptable answer. All I know is that blogging isn’t fulfilling or helpful to me for now.
EDIT: This was a bit rash, and too much. I’m going to take a three week break instead of indefinite.
You can always reach me by email or in the comments. The blog email is in the “Contact” page. Thank you for reading.