I asked some relationship questions to relationship & Dating blogger, Ouso Escrever…. And she wrote a post about it! That’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful she wrote this! This reblog is written by Alexandra Maria Santos, and all writing belongs to her.
I plan on answering the great questions she posted below in December.
“Reilly writes: I enjoy learning about relationships on your blog! I have two questions that I would be interested in seeing a post about: How do you know you are ready for dating? (Is there a checklist or guide), and Why would someone want to date at all, when you’ve never had any positive experiences with dating and have little romantic relationship history? I’m okay being single, but not for the rest of my life! I feel I’ve really missed out”
(After reading my comment again, I feel like I might be catastrophizing my few dates. I’d say 3 were okay to mild disappointment, and the rest okay to negative. Well, that’s my previous dating experience. It doesn’t mean all of my dates will suck. That means amazing dates are on the way!😐 🙂)
“We sometimes go in and out of relationships and not really know (or understand) what’s getting in the way. What makes some relationships click and others not so much, or why we or someone else walks away or refuses to. It’s important to look at what WE bring to the table.” Vijayeta Sinh Ph.D.
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This year, I have focused on self improvement. It’s been my major goal for a long time to be mentally healthy, and I finally was able to break through this year thanks to having a therapist. Thanks to having professional support and guidance. Thanks to the right mix of medications. I’m not perfect, and I have things to work on, and that is okay! Finally my hard work and persistence is paying turning into massive positive change. Finally I’m turning into the person I’ve always dreamed I could be.
Though 2020 has been really hard, I’m healing. I am recovering from my mental illnesses. Those that I can’t escape are managed. Lately I don’t even recognize this person that I’ve become. For a long time, I never thought that I would be enough as I am. That I would like to be around people. I didn’t think that I would like to talk to new people. That I would have so many cool people in my life I can call friends. I’m not alone, and I am comfortable being single, by myself. It would be awesome to have a girlfriend to share my life with. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I am an awesome person by myself. I can be my own friend and help myself. I am a recovering depressed person. I am a recovering Agoraphobic. I am a recovering hermit. I am a recovering Nice guy. I am enough. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and blaming everything and everyone else. I am responsible for myself and my life. I was watching Avengers: Endgame for the second time, and this quote really resonated:
“I Used To Have Nothing. And Then I Got This – This Job, This Family – And I Was Better Because Of It. Even Though They’re Gone, I’m Still Trying To Be Better.” -Black Widow, Avengers Endgame.
Though this quote is about loss, I feel it really describes what the world currently feels like. Only interacting with friends, family, and people online isn’t the same. We are connected, but not. I really miss pre pandemic life. I took it for granted. Even before this, I was touch starved. Thankfully I’ve had kitties fill this void.
Thank goodness for my dear kitten Coconut.
It’s not like I wasn’t like I wasn’t hugged or had caring touch from family. I simply crave affection. The need for touch, intimacy, tenderness, and affection is a human need. Missing out on romance sucks too. It’s tough for me to admit this.
More on touch starvation:
“The COVID-19 pandemic has meant increased isolation for a lot of people. Even with lockdowns no longer as stringent as they were in March, many people are still working from home, minimizing their social outings, and avoiding intimate contact with people they don’t live with. The truth is, hand-holding, hugging, or kissing outside of your pod will probably feel risky until there’s a coronavirus vaccine. And for people who are super strict about avoiding that risk, that lack of contact can have a serious psychological impact, causing something called touch starvation.
Psychotherapist Alisa Ruby Bash, Psy.D., L.M.F.T., tells Bustle that contact with peoples’s bodies, whether it’s the hug of a friend or interactions with hairdressers, massage therapists, ornail techs, can be a key part of our self-care — and when we’re deprived of it, we experience higher levels of stress. “This has had devastating impacts on the mental health of most of the population,” she says, pointing to the fact that the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) have found higher rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts across the U.S. since the pandemic began. “Even one long genuine platonic hug from someone we trust may be enough to help our mental and physical health.”
That said, I am working on my need for romantic connection as demonstrated by working on myself, and joining the limited online dating scene.
Current Goals:
Goal: Within 6 months buy a somewhat new car with great MPG.
Goal: Within a year move out from my Mom’s house on my own.
Goal: Within 3 months get a job that pays enough for me to be independent. Might take longer, that’s okay.
Goal: Within 1 month go on one date, in person, distanced, wearing a mask.
Goal: Write 30 posts in 30 days of December 2020. Can be any kind of writing.
Goal: Don’t go on Reddit or Facebook for 30 days in a row. I need a break. Limit my time around time sink websites that don’t help better myself.
Goal: find a long term career.
Goal: Be the change you want in the world, and yourself.
Goal: hang out with friends.
Goal: Get a Girlfriend by becoming someone women want to date.
Songs of the post:
Make yourself by Incubus.
Like a Rolling Stone, Live at Winterland, covered by Jimi Hendrix
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Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
I was texting this woman I matched with on Tinder. It was a nice converstation between us that was going well. Until I fucked up… Maybe its simply not to be, and she clicked with someone else.
Last weekend I was browsing Spotify for new music and I find this song:
Just quickly browsing the wikipedia article has these gems at the top: “Characteristics: Guthrie refers to the incident as a “massacree“, a colloquialism originating in the Ozark Mountains[5] that describes “an event so wildly and improbably and baroquely messed up that the results are almost impossible to believe”. It is a corruption of the word massacre, but carries a much lighterand more sarcastic connotation, rather than describing anything involving actual death.[6]“
Prologue: Guthrie explains that his friend Alice owns a restaurant, but adds that “Alice’s Restaurant” is the name of the song, not the business. He then sings the chorus, which is in the form of a jingle for the restaurant, beginning “You can get anything you want at Alice’s restaurant”, and continuing with directions to it.
I hope this is just anxiety!
Did I just imply that she’s so fucked up, it’s impossible to believe? And “you can get anything you want from her? Aka a slut? What the fuck did I do? Well, that and not respond for 5 days. No wonder she took her picture off her whatsapp profile…
This was the worst choice of song to suggest to someone, along with the awful shit I said. I hope I didn’t harass her! Fuck. I fucked up.
Oof… I can’t believe I said something so stupid… And now I can’t message her to apologize for being an asshole!
She unmatched me on Tinder. Boy I fucked up.
So, I will apologize here. Hopefully I can teach someone else not to be an asshole online over text! And if you make a mistake, apologize immediately. Dear Match from Tinder, I am so sorry for what I said on {day happened} I regret sending those last __ messages. I’m sorry. Maybe you will never read this, but I am so sorry. I won’t contact you again, and went ahead and deleted your info on Whatsapp. I apologize for being your first impression of a person on Tinder. 😑
I know that dating is a journey, and that failure is the way to grow, but so soon sucks. Hopefully this is nothing. Merely incompatibility.
Thankfully, I still have 1 match I’m taking to. I hope it continues to go well!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, so this is what happened… 😬 Thanks Zoewiezoe!:
Thank you Ken! I appreciate the support!
Hiya Rielly. This is your path forward. Never stop moving. Yep, been kind of distracted here but there are bunch…
Thanks Chrissie! I appreciate that you read and empathize with this journey.🙂
Hi Reilly, (I thought I just posted a reply, but I do not see it, so if there turns out…
Thanks Nicole! Kinda tired of every prescription antidepressant causing me issues. I appreciate your support!
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
At the beginning of this month in therapy, I set a goal to accomplish before the end of the year: To go on one date. Which in 2020 means in person, physically distanced, wearing a mask.
How I feel about dating… Of all the characters in futurama, I identify with Zoidberg the most.
It’s time for me to rejoin the dating pool. Yes, I know the pandemic is in full swing. That fear of getting covid-19 hasn’t left. According to recent news… It seems that the virus will be around at least far into 2021, and possibly 2022. I am not waiting any longer to date. I’m ready now. It’s been 7 years since my last date, and I’m fed up with having a lackluster dating history. That said, I’m looking forward to dating.
How I feel about dating right now. I had to make this gif myself, and its the first I’ve ever made! Sorry for the quality, lol.
Dating obstacles:
Obstacles: Better profile pics. I Need help making a profile that reflects my strengths. This means I need to do some work in therapy discovering what my strengths are. This time it would help if I had a professional photographer take some photos of me.
Last Sunday I joined Tinder for the first time, along with a couple other dating apps. Tinder has overall been a mixed bag… Mostly bots and scammers. But I did match up with and have some nice chats with two women on there! So far so good! After my last awful experience with OK Cupid, Match, and Craiglist like 10 years ago, I stopped trying at online dating. Going 1/1000 can do that. Struggling with mental health at the time didn’t help. Thankfully I have that managed now. Now I’m learning how these new dating apps work. Apparently I have some matches on some of them, but I can’t see who or respond until I pay money. I’ve really struggled with self worth for a long time, especially in dating, so it’s nice to see that women find me attractive! I don’t expect to find the person for me right away, but its a nice start!
What do I want?
Someone who says what they mean. Tell me exactly what you feel and what you want. No subtext. Don’t hint. Don’t make me guess. Blurt it out if you have to.
Is emotionally available.
A secure attachment.
Inter-dependent.
No alcoholics or addicts.
Mutual attraction.
I don’t want to be anyone’s “rock” Be your own rock.
No Republicans or Trump voters.
Must have relationship status on social media be “single”.
This will be my first romantic relationship and girlfriend. I don’t want to be a third, or side piece. Maybe in the future if things change, but not now.
I don’t want to date a single mom. This is simply too much for me as a person who hasn’t had a girlfriend before or dated much at all. That said, there sure are a lot of sexy single moms out there.
Is confident in herself and doesn’t seek constant approval and external validation.
Understands that “No means No”.
Respects my boundaries.
Respects my need for space.
Communicates fairly during conflict.
Views going to therapy as a positive thing.
Does self care.
Is okay that I have depression, anxiety, adhd, and high functioning autism. I need support, not care-taking because this is my responsibility.
Is not deceptive on their online dating profile. Don’t waste my time.
Is patient with me and my dating inexperience.
Likes cats.
Doesn’t mind that I smoke pot.
Has their shit together.
Kind and compassionate.
I want to have kids in a few years.
No second chances.
No long distance relationships
No waiting to get together. I need Quality Time, and it is possible to safely meet during the pandemic.
I probably forgot some things in that list, so if you have any thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook, or now, Pinterest! Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
I’m feeling refreshed after that short break from blogging!
I was recently hired at a local small business called Clēēn Craft. It’s a small business in a restaurant building in downtown Seattle. The job is typical physical labor warehouse work, most my day is spent moving pallets of soda around, packing sodas into cardboard trays like the picture above, or into 4 pack boxes to be sold at stores. Not many places have our product yet since the business is new, but hopefully business will pick up for the Christmas season. My boss has made some deals, but nobody knows what will happen. Add in the pandemic world, and a looming recession/depression and as the Cliche for this year goes… It’s an uncertain world. (Not that the “regular”, non pandemic life isn’t uncertain). For now this is a part time seasonal job with potential for more. I like my job, and my coworkers, and am grateful to work here.
If you would like to help the company I work for, and help to keep my job past December, you can order from our website here: https://cleencraft.com/
It’s nice to work again, as I haven’t worked a this many hours in a week since January. It’s been rough looking for suitable work as I’ve looked since June this year.
I expected packaging sodas would be like this scene from I love Lucy:
The difference between this scene and at work is that the canning machine is incredibly loud. The machine is so loud that I have to wear earplugs, or listen to music/audio-books. This is a pretty nice perk of the job. I’ve finished a couple audio-books while working. Between the shifts in October and November, I’ve listened to 87 hours of books. Noice!
In reality it’s more like the below gif:
The actual speed is more like this.
When all the machinery is going smoothly like yesterday, it goes like this:
If the speed is too fast, or i fall behind for a few seconds while stacking the 24 packs of cans onto the pallet, it looks like this:
This hasn’t happened yet, but if say the pressure builds up, worst case scenario this can happen… The last can can cause an avalanche and the soda machine techs have to stop the line:
I haven’t worked in downtown Seattle in a few years, so going to work again during the Pandemic was a double adjustment.
* The following political opinion is my own.*
Seattle pandemic rant:
One is seeing all the homeless living in tents everywhere. It’s an absolute shame that homelessness is still a problem in this city. There are multiple billionaires and trillion dollar companies in the greater Seattle area. And our solution is to round them up and push them away because everyone is too selfish to change our taxes to a fair income tax system from our outdated Sales tax. We as a state could solve this problem tomorrow by having more politicians like Bernie Sanders, but no… Bezos wants to build rockets for space… Which I assume he plans on leaving Earth behind to not pay taxes and colonize mars for Amazon.
Two, it’s tragic to see so few homeless people not wear masks, and act like the pandemic isn’t happening. I mean I get it, as there is no hope from the Federal or local governments that their situation will change pandemic or not. When I see people not wearing masks, it’s like seeing potential covid-19 ghosts.
Third, its infuriating that so many non homeless people are not wearing masks or doing the chinstrap bullshit. I’d say that 80% of people have been wearing masks properly. Probably 70% of those people are giving the 6 feet of distance on the sidewalks. Less so on the lightrail. I’m concerned I might be gambling with getting covid by riding it. Parking in Seattle isn’t possible anymore in downtown Seattle. It simply isn’t there anymore. While a good thing due to the investment in public transportation, its a risk taking it during a pandemic. According to my county public health statistics, the odds of catching covid are 1498 per 100,000 residents. Riding any public transportation is risk for riders health. I can’t afford to take an uber both ways to and from work. So it’s public transportation, or walk about 7 miles. On the plus side, I can get a good workout from this exercise!
Walking home every day is a reminder how fucked up the U.S, and the city government is. And thanks to the asshole republicans in the Senate, and Trump, no help is on the way. Way to hold our politicians accountable in the Senate, America. Having Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as President and VP will help, but the reality is that many more Americans are going to die from coronavirus due to our own selfishness. As a human being with empathy, and a Liberal that has tried to convince right wing people otherwise, this current election is a reminder that all I can do now is watch people die from Covid. That is the message this election sent.
If you voted for Trump this last time, fuck you. I am willing to forgive those that voted for him in 2016, but changed their mind after seeing Trumps selfish and hateful behavior. To vote again for him says that the things he said and done are acceptable morals to have. That those are the values you as the person who voted him have. So, fuck you. You don’t deserve the Covid vaccine. You don’t deserve this democracy, the right to vote, or the benefits of science. Trump made the corona virus a political issue by ignoring expert advice over and over again this year. By voting for him, you said that is acceptable behavior for an adult and a leader of this country. You are saying that it’s okay for people to suffer from illness and possibly die because of your political beliefs. You could have voted third party, or not at all. Instead you chose Trump. I will never forgive you. I don’t give a fuck if you stop reading this blog or unfriend me because of this. I’m not losing anything from my life anyway. Thank you for showing me who you really are behind closed doors.
Maybe… Maybe I would reconsider in the future with a genuine apology, that saying that Covid-19 was not fake, that science is real, and that you have a problem with Fox News. Maybe I’m still in denial that America really is a piece of shit.
Mask up.
January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough… 66 days to go.
Music of the post:
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!
Reilly's blog 
Thank you Ken! I appreciate the support!