Thoughts, disorganized.
Energy: Low.
Waiting to be tested at the doctors to see what’s wrong.
Not that there is a cure.
Prognosis for future: bleak.
That was true before Long Covid.
Irregular sleep.
No dreams.
Past trauma replaying on loop in mind.
Is therapy helping?
A little bit.
The fog will clear.
One day, life will be sunny again.
I’ve got the pandemic blues
Gonna need a third shot while the rest of the world waits for one
Seems the world’s falling apart anyway
Not slept well… since I don’t know when
The time before feels so long ago
Been ready for this to be over
The Delta rages in The Delta as people lose their minds plugged to their tvs
Faux fox Hocking lies to feed the bottom line
Who cares who dies as long as their free
People stressing me out not wearing masks right
Cover your mouth, cover your nose
Open your eyes, open your ears
Can’t you see the children dying?
Can’t you hear our pleas for help?
You ain’t listening, you ain’t paying attention
I ain’t playing politics, I’m trying to save your life
Guess it’s impossible to change the mind of fools ~
Stay 6 feet away
Keep the disease to yourself
You’ll be sorry some day
Cause now that I know how you really are…
Im free while you’re willingly in chains
All I can do is shake my head and wish you well
Thanks for reading! This is the first time I’ve posted something like this (made up lyrics), so tell me what you think in the comments!
Turbulence disturbs my inner soul.
Frazil needles pierce its boundaries.
Grey skies dampen optimistic energy.
Can’t you see I’m freezing to death?
What hope is there in this ocean blizzard storm?
No ships, no ice to climb on, no way out.
I can’t tread much longer in this freezing ocean.
In the waters below, death in a black abyss.
Above water and all around us, a blizzard you can’t see through.
Where’s the rescue boats?
Where’s the meaning of life in this disaster?
Where’s the rescue boats?
Is this how it ends?
Swim on. Might as well persist until you can’t.
Swim on, blind, numb, and afraid. There’s nothing to do but survive.
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
I’m learning on the fly.
This is the first romantic relationship I’ve had. One where you are boyfriend and girlfriend.
I’m ecstatic, yet nervous.
It’s so easy, yet challenging as we adjust to each other.
Love in the time of covid is strange.
All our relationships are at a distance. All new relationships long distance.
We matched on Tinder. She liked my profile. Our relationship is alive through WhatsApp texting.
Chatting with a new person only over text is hard sometimes. I imagine it feels like it did in my grandparents generation, communicating over letters.
My grandparents on my mom’s side communicated over letters before meeting. My grandfather was drafted and in WW2. They eventually married when he proposed with a ring in a letter.
Online only interaction makes me crazy.
Coronavirus complicates traditional dating. In person is at 6 feet with masks on.
I’m worried because I’m falling hard, and it’s going well.
It’s hard to temper my feelings when I’m high off of the love.
On one hand, I’m glad this is slowly building. On the other I want to meet her and spend quality time together.
This is so much better than a crush, or an almost-not quite relationship.
I’ve been patient for so so long…
Tried so hard, didn’t get too far. Murphy’s law in action.
It’s hard to believe this bliss is real. Balancing optimistic and pessimistic thinking.
Must be nice to have faith and religion.
This will be my first romantic relationship at age 34. My previous efforts in vain. Not any more.
I feel like I’ve won the lottery.
In these dark days there is light.
Don’t forget about love.
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
Misty rain;
Almond milk latte;
Durban poison;
A bowl of popcorn with cajun spice.
The last day of work, delayed, yet I’m still laid off.
As a life long single person, I’m quite comfortable dating myself. For a long time I’ve assumed I didn’t date myself. Another positive aperçu from 2020.
An overcast day… Perfect for Netflix and chill with the cats.
I feel like watching a kids movie…
I turn to Madagascar 2. I’ve seen it once before and remember nothing about it. It sucks. Sucks because the writing is awful. There no conflict, and every plot point resolved with dues ex machina bs. There’s no tension or intrigue. It’s 90 minutes of animals moving around and a classic case of “And then” writing. At worst, it teaches terrible lessons like “Love has no boundaries”, or, uncomfortably racist when all the zebra’s are identical to Chris Rocks zebra character.
10 minutes later and I’m already forgetting about it. Won’t be watching that again.
My guess is that it’s purpose is to distract kids for 90 minutes while parents get a break.
3:56pm PST in a Seattle winter feels like 6:56pm Seattle fall.
Seeking a better movie, I choose The Princess and the frog. It’s even better than I remember. Amazing movies like this have a hypnotic quality that make it impossible not to watch or be distracted by the allure of a smartphone.
Truly an under rated disney classic. It’s got voodoo, new Orleans jazz, a gator that wants to play trumpet in a jazz band, the classic disney animated style, and a fresh take on their classic princess genre. All wrapped in a New Orleans cajun flair.
I really wish I chose to watch The Princess and the frog first!
It’s a shame that disney only does those lame remakes these days. I don’t understand why people pay for a lesser live action remake.
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
It’s all been written before, thought before, said before. So just write.
Why write? Because you haven’t done it before.
Yes, the first draft will suck. No human knew how to walk at birth. How to do much of anything. To write is no different.
I worry my prose isn’t good enough. That I have to be perfect on the first try. But so does everyone who does creative stuff. So just write.
It’s 855pm, and I’m coming up with this post in real time. Throwing caution to the wind. Grinding each word out as it comes to mind.
That’s what any marathon is… One step at a time. So just write.
Why write? Because I enjoy it. Because I haven’t happened to write these combination of words before.
I dream of being a master story teller one day. So just write.
The right time is right now.
It’s not perfect, and that’s okay.
So just write.
If you don’t like it, edit it. Rewrite.
So just write.
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
It was dark inside my bedroom.
I turn on my phone, check the air pollution index. It’s green.
I get up, put some pajamas on, and go out to for the newspaper. I take a long deep breath.
The smog is gone. Air crisp with a hint of sweet pine.
For the first time in a week I can breathe fresh air.
I feel my inner smog dissolve.
No wonder I’ve been so anxious. Lethargic.
It was dark inside my bedroom.
I remember the smog rolling in that first night.
It slithered through the window grates.
It had an odor like weed and alder in a bonfire.
By the morning it became a slow poison… Smog.
I felt closed in a prison when I closed the last open window in the house.
It felt like the slowest week of the year.
I am ready for 2020 to be over.
For today, I’m grateful to have fresh air to breathe.
Through the haze I have clarity.
I don’t want to work awful minimum wage jobs.
Need to get a car.
I want to go back to college. For what? I can’t say.
I feel ready to date again.
For now, I need a job for all these.
I can do this.
Songs of the week:
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be afraid.
Why? It’s Tuesday.
Anxiety? Anxie-day.
The worst possible things have already happened to me. It was my fault.
Zapped of energy, laying on the couch.
A human anchor.
What am I afraid of?
That I’m too old at 34 to be a good human.
That it’s too late to turn life around.
I’m afraid that I’m crazy. When is it a flaw, and when is it mental illness?
I’m afraid that nobody will love me in a romantic way.
I’m afraid that I will hurt someone. That I won’t be able to handle it.
Anxiety is torture because you think the thoughts above… And the following:
I am enough, as I am now.
I am not a victim. I am capable.
It’s not too late. It’s never too late.
You ain’t too old yet.
You’ve been here before. You’ve handled it well, and not. You are learning from your mistakes.
Everyone is worthy of love.
Being worried about causing harm shows you have empathy. It shows that you are considerate of others.
Everyone makes mistakes. You choose whether to learn from it, or not. It’s your choice.
You know, maybe I’m feeling anxious because the air quality sucks right now.
My kitten Coconut has been sneezing through the day. All the windows inside are shut.
Maybe a month left of summer here in Seattle.
The emerald city is covered by smog.
Last night around 10:30pm, I could smell the smoke rolling in the space between the houses. Smelled like a mix of alder wood and weed.
Fuck it, I want cold rice and pickles.
Time for a cold shower.
Here is a DBT skill I learned this week. It’s called 54321. So you choose a sense: Taste, Smell, See, Hear, Touch, and noticed that number of things in the room around you with the number until you have calmed yourself.
The 54321 grounding technique is simple, yet powerful. Like gradually attaching anchors to the boat, this method slowly pulls you back to earth.
First, take a moment to become mindful of your breath. Just a few deep breaths invite your body back into the moment, slowing everything down. Then, become aware of your environment.
More on it here:
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!
Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!
© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.
It’s been 7 seasons since my last base hit.
It’s been awhile since this pitcher and I were on the same team.
We met on a team in its 5th year. Uniforms in black and white.
I was learning to play the outfield again, she was training in the bullpen.
She has the traits every good team wants: a strong work ethic, talent, leadership, a good teammate.
The team was a fool not to try to keep her.
Our teams faced each other in spring training, but it wasn’t the right time for an at bat.
At the July trade deadline, we would face off on the field.
I walked the plate, stepped in, and hit a line drive between 3rd and short.
The bat split in two as I hit the ball.
The shortstop made a spectacular play! Diving behind the 3rd baseman, snaring the ball in their outstretched glove quickly throwing off kilter to second base to start a double play.
I ran as hard as I could.
I was out by a mile.
As her team returned to the dugout between innings, we caught eye contact.
I tipped my cap. She smiled back.
I did everything right, and still failed. Baseball is a cruel mistress.
Sometimes the timing isn’t right.
The game ends as I sit in the dugout watching the other team celebrate a no hitter.
My team heads into the clubhouse.
I get up off the bench and walk to the clubhouse from the dugout.
I see her look over, smiling still.
I laugh and give her a thumbs up as I leave the field for now.
I don’t know when I’ll see her next. Maybe next season.
It’s the last time this season.
I worked harder than I ever did this season. I was prepared for this at bat.
Coach pulls me aside. Says don’t worry about it. It’s a slump. She no-hit the whole team. You made contact and the bat broke. That’s baseball.
She’s on TV talking to reporters.
She’ll be a free agent again in the off season. I am too.
We gotta do what best for each of us.
It’s hard not to talk to a friend when you want different things.
But I get it. I’ve been there before.
I’m happy for her, but it still hurts to be in a slump.
I don’t mind being a free agent.
I turn off the TV.
Maybe next year we will be team mates again.
Soon the slump will be over.
I’d rather be the man in the stadium and fail greatly under the lights instead of a spectator.
I’m not watching from the sidelines anymore.
She’ll let me know when the next at bat is.
Songs of the post:
Say hey(the Willie Mays song) by the Treniers.
Brown eyed girl By Van Morrison.
Waiting in vain by Bob Marley
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, comment, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!
My last baseball poem didn’t get many views, and it deserves better. I admit the original title is not great:
https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2020/06/12/pitch-mix-mixed-metaphors/
I can’t write much today because I’m hungover from therapy yesterday. It’s been a busy week. Forgive me if this seems scattered. Well, busy for quarantine. So maybe 20 hours total of work between therapy zoom groups and self care stuff. … I’ve been unemployed too long. The world is a strange place to live in right now.
All this solitary time has shown me who is important in my life. It’s given me time to work through problems, and space to finally be comfortable with myself. I’m glad to be alive. It’s been such a long time since I was so happy being myself. Comfortable being inter-dependent with the world. I’m at peace with my flaws. The light and dark within. I want to be the best possible human I can be.
Here’s a poem I created from a word cloud of all the words in my personal journal. I made this from the top 100 words I said. A nonsense poem.
Like want time:
Songs of the week:
Tired of being alone by Al Green
Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
Ain’t nobody here but us chickens, covered by James Brown
Reilly's blog 