Monthly Archives: December 2023

It hasn’t felt like Christmas

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But first, college grades.

This past week, the college quarter grades were posted.

After what felt like a long quarter, with me spending the majority of it at home in my room, finally, the first quarter is complete.

I got a 3.5 in English 101 and a 4.0 in Math 081. Both A grades! Woo!

On to Winter quarter! Up next are Psychology 101 and Math 98. This will be the second time I’m taking Psych 101. Though I passed it the previous time in 2006 (wow, I feel old), it’s too long ago to count. I don’t mind retaking it. I enjoyed it then and look forward to being in a class in my major. This class will also be in person on campus. So, that will help with cabin fever and isolation due to online courses. This math class will be online in the same format as the previous class. However, there will be three tests with an optional fourth if you didn’t do well on the previous ones.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy I kept my word and did well in both classes. I’m glad that I proved to myself that I belong in college and am a smart, capable person. At times in life, you need proof from doing challenges to build confidence.

It’s just that I want so much more from life. That the world is so fucked up right now.

It hasn’t felt like Christmas

It hasn’t felt like Christmas with the war in Ukraine ongoing and asshole Republicans holding up funding for Ukraine. Fuck you, Putin and Trump.

It hasn’t felt like Christmas because of the genocide in Palestine done by Israel. It’s also horrific what Hamas has done to provoke this war. That doesn’t justify genocide or wiping Palestinians off the map. It feels as if this will start WW3. I’m pissed at the response by my country, The US, and Biden continuing to supply weapons to Israel.

It doesn’t feel like Christmas because it feels like the US is on the path to another civil war, and the Republican half is cheering on the next Hitler, aka Trump. I’m pissed that traitorous bastard isn’t in prison for life and that the legal process is so slow. How many fucking laws does a person need to break before they’re held accountable?! For fucks sake!

I’m tired of capitalism.

At last the quarter is over.

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I finished the essay, and aced the test!

I’m wiped out. I’ll be getting an A in math! I got 100% in the final test! I acknowledge that it was a prerequisite course, only Math 081. However, I did my job. After 17 years, I passed a math class! It’s the first time I’ve completed a college class since I was 24 years old, and I should be getting a decent grade and passing English 101, too! I’ll know about the latter before Christmas.

This matters because I followed through on a promise. I promised myself and committed to this path and completed the first step. All while having a chronic illness.

Fuck I’m exhausted and burnt out!

Last three days of the quarter

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It’s going to be a mountain to climb

In 45 hours, I have one more essay to turn in, which is 25% of the grade for English 101. I’m currently at 220 words out of 750-1250. I have related homework pieces along with the two hundred twenty words in the draft, a research document, and a handful of sources. Some bones, to be sure, but no meat or organs will be needed for a living, breathing essay.

Yes, my health hasn’t been consistent, and I’ve felt sick from chronic shit, but I have had opportunities to chip away at this project to make things easier for this week. I did it many times before in classes or other projects in life. The bottom line is that I made this much more difficult than necessary.

Once again, I procrastinated until the last minute, but this time, it was painful because my body wasn’t the same as in the past. I should know better at age 37. That’s why I’m stressed. I am frustrated with myself because I did this to myself. I know that I have this tendency because of ADHD. Yet here I am repeating history.

It’s a life lesson I had to relearn.

Fuck I hate having this chronic illness.

And there is a cumulative Final Exam for math on Wednesday.

I should be okay, seeing as I have a 96 grade at the moment. This year is 20% too. I assume it’ll be similar to the previous five exams: be timed and not tell you your mistakes until you press done. My pattern has been to miss 1-2 questions or get dinged for a partial point.

In any case, I’m ready to finish this quarter. I’ve been so burned out and exhausted from homework that I haven’t been able to blog.