Merry Christmas 2021

Coconut by the Xmas tree.

I’m sorry for disappearing

I’m sorry for not following through on the 10 recipe posts that I promised. I thought I could do this. (I need to start over and plan this out. On a schedule I can reasonably work on) I have professional experience and training doing so. I’m ashamed that once again, I failed. I need help with this mean perfectionist inner voice. I need to get a new therapist… It’s been too long and it’s time.

I didn’t plan this gap of 2+ months without a post. I had two emotional events happen shortly after the previous post. It’s almost 10pm, and I’m writing this on the fly. I feel that I have to post something. I owe it to you.

I obsess over my mistakes and my faults. I haven’t forgiven myself for anything I’ve done wrong. I feel I deserve to suffer and be punished. If I don’t get from others, I punish myself. (Lately I’ve started to talk back to these thoughts saying “Blame yourself once and move on”, a great quote from The Simpsons)I don’t like this part of myself. Or the shadow part of me.

I’m alive, doing great at work, and okay overall. I have zero reason to be afraid of failing there. I work hard, my bosses trust me by giving me special tasks, and they see management potential in me in the future. I even got a small raise, and a bonus for the first time ever.

I should be ecstatic, but I’m worried about the other shoe dropping.

I’m so fucking tired of the pandemic. At least 1 more year of this in the US, and longer for many other countries. Someone I work with tested positive, so I’m worried about that. Everyone wears masks, being vaccinated is required at work, so the odds are low. I’ve had some minor symptoms, but I’m not sure if this is due to covid, my sinuses, or regular work fatigue.

I haven’t had a covid booster shot yet, it’s been about 2 months since the second shot wore off, and I have to wait to get tested again since it’s a holiday weekend. Maybe there’s openings tomorrow.

I’m also exhausted with the state of US politics and the news. It feels like the end of the world… I know this is bad for my mental health, but I feel I can’t stop.

… I need help with my personal life. Not sure where or how to start. I just kinda exist.

Song of the post:


  • Reilly, dear friend, just keep on keeping on. I know, I know, I ALWAYS say that! I shake my head at me too, don’t worry πŸ˜›
    Thing is, it’s the only way… one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. And along the way we may have a moment, but then we just gotta keep on trudging and pick up the pieces as we go πŸ˜‰
    Two other things about this post :

    I THINK it was because I was thinking about sharing with you about my neighbour’s cat…. but I’ve only just noticed that Coconut looks very similar to him! Why did I want to tell you about him? Well! His name is Riley! (Yes, different spelling πŸ˜‰ ) Riley won’t come into my yard because of my dogs… which is definitely a good thing. But will often sit on top of my car, or lie at the end of my driveway. When I talk to him, I call him ”Riley Roo”. You don’t know how many times I have almost called you the same, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

    And In The Air Tonight is one of my absolute favourites from Phil Collins πŸ˜‰ ❀
    I hope you had a great Christmas, despite it all πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahh, thanks Meg! I’m so happy to have a new friend! Every day is a new day…

      Gotta say, I haven’t met many cats with my name, lol. Sounds like a smart cat to know how close he can be to visit!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, he is a VERY smart cat. He even teases my dogs sometimes! In a clever way. He will either lie on the paving opposite my front door, and stare at them… knowing they can’t get to him… and meow at them, ha ha ha! Or he comes and sits in the little roof over my backyard gate – he won’t sit on the fence because it’s an old wooden one that tends to be wobbly. He knows that the dogs will jump against it and he might lose his balance (well, I am guessing he knows πŸ˜› ) so he sits in that sturdy bit under the roof and looks down at them! Ha ha ha ha!

        I hope all is okay, my friend? Thinking of you.

        Liked by 1 person

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