Unplugged
Lights out, Disconnected:
Around midnight, in the storm, blackout.
Blown away in the wind.
Only without electricity do I realize how I’m addicted to power.
Can’t cook, can’t read, can’t check the news, can’t escape via a screen, can’t connect with others.
I’m not completely sober from it today. My phone has power: 67%, I’m powerless to it.
My life is completely online. I live through screens.
An hour in, I feel withdrawal from not having my fixes– the internet, watch a video, read an article, check Facebook, read blog posts, write a blog post.
I’ll have to miss therapy today because it’s online or phone. No connection for either. It took 2 hours to send 1 text message, and 1 email.
An hour in, I consider taking my sleep meds and going back to sleep.
Holy crap is this really how I want my life to be?
Addicted to screens, sitting in a corner like a zombie as life passes by outside?
Internet addict:
I am the problem. My name is Reilly and I’m an internet addict.
Only by being unplugged does this stick.
I’m so desperate for a powered on screen that I look to the digital thermometer for stimulus. I look to the clocks for a fix. No good.
This prison is of my own making. I choose every day to be it’s victim. The internet addiction demon is in control.
My worst nightmare has come true… I’m an addict just like dad. Like my late addict Aunt. The internet is my demon.
One big difference is that you’ve been committed to therapy. That’s a big deal, Rei.
Working on changing counts.
Maybe I’m crazy.
Stop being brutal to yourself. You can be honest and kind to yourself.
Time for change.
My inner connection is blinking orange.
I need a reset. I need to unplug, be offline for 30 days, and replug.
It’s been 5 hours… How much longer do I have to cope without my power fix?
Like all the powered devices around the house, I’m off.
Won’t somebody plug me back in? I can’t do it myself.
The power returns as the sun sets and darkness falls… Back into my hole I willfully go. I need some help.
I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of being depressed…
Power on, brain off.
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