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At the beginning of this month in therapy, I set a goal to accomplish before the end of the year: To go on one date. Which in 2020 means in person, physically distanced, wearing a mask.

It’s time for me to rejoin the dating pool. Yes, I know the pandemic is in full swing. That fear of getting covid-19 hasn’t left. According to recent news… It seems that the virus will be around at least far into 2021, and possibly 2022. I am not waiting any longer to date. I’m ready now. It’s been 7 years since my last date, and I’m fed up with having a lackluster dating history. That said, I’m looking forward to dating.

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Dating obstacles:

Obstacles: Better profile pics. I Need help making a profile that reflects my strengths. This means I need to do some work in therapy discovering what my strengths are. This time it would help if I had a professional photographer take some photos of me.

Last Sunday I joined Tinder for the first time, along with a couple other dating apps. Tinder has overall been a mixed bag… Mostly bots and scammers. But I did match up with and have some nice chats with two women on there! So far so good! After my last awful experience with OK Cupid, Match, and Craiglist like 10 years ago, I stopped trying at online dating. Going 1/1000 can do that. Struggling with mental health at the time didn’t help. Thankfully I have that managed now. Now I’m learning how these new dating apps work. Apparently I have some matches on some of them, but I can’t see who or respond until I pay money. I’ve really struggled with self worth for a long time, especially in dating, so it’s nice to see that women find me attractive! I don’t expect to find the person for me right away, but its a nice start!

What do I want?

• Someone who says what they mean. Tell me exactly what you feel and what you want. No subtext. Don’t hint. Don’t make me guess. Blurt it out if you have to.
• Is emotionally available.
• A secure attachment.
• Inter-dependent.
• No alcoholics or addicts.
• Mutual attraction.
• I don’t want to be anyone’s “rock” Be your own rock.
• No Republicans or Trump voters.
• Must have relationship status on social media be “single”.
• This will be my first romantic relationship and girlfriend. I don’t want to be a third, or side piece. Maybe in the future if things change, but not now.
• I don’t want to date a single mom. This is simply too much for me as a person who hasn’t had a girlfriend before or dated much at all. That said, there sure are a lot of sexy single moms out there.
• Is confident in herself and doesn’t seek constant approval and external validation.
• Understands that “No means No”.
• Respects my boundaries.
• Respects my need for space.
• Communicates fairly during conflict.
• Views going to therapy as a positive thing.
• Does self care.
• Is okay that I have depression, anxiety, adhd, and high functioning autism. I need support, not care-taking because this is my responsibility.
• Is not deceptive on their online dating profile. Don’t waste my time.
• Is patient with me and my dating inexperience.
• Likes cats.
• Doesn’t mind that I smoke pot.
• Has their shit together.
• Kind and compassionate.
• I want to have kids in a few years.
• No second chances.
• No long distance relationships
• No waiting to get together. I need Quality Time, and it is possible to safely meet during the pandemic.

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I probably forgot some things in that list, so if you have any thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.

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