Tag Archives: online dating

I’m Tired of being Single

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Stop talking yourself out of opportunities because you don't feel" ready" yet. It's time to jump.

Song of the post: Tired of Being Alone by Al Green

That doesn’t mean I’m going to settle. A rant on dating apps…

I don’t want to use dating apps again. I didn’t have much success after using Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble for a couple of years. It’s like looking for work on Indeed, but you can apply to every job. Unlike sites like Indeed, where you look for work, with dating and dating apps, you have a chance of success with people out of your training, experience, or attractiveness because of how dating works. Dating apps are worse than Indeed because at least you know if you have a fair shot of success with looking for work because you know your potential pool of employers based on your training and expertise. With dating apps, you see every job or person nearby. Sure I could apply for that CEO job in baking despite having zero experience or knowledge of that industry and have better odds of winning the lottery. But they won’t look at my application and do not reply, making me think I have a shot at an interview. They won’t match up like on bumble and force me to watch the match timer slowly tick away for three days before never responding. Jobs won’t make their needs unclear or not put enough information in their post for job seekers not to know what they are looking for.

Some posts on instagram that resonates with this new me:

What am I looking for in a partner?

  • Single
  • Doesn’t have kids. I don’t want to be a father right away. I’d only consider kids after dating and living together for a couple years.
  • Willing to pace the relationship. Not too fast, not too slow.
  • Has goals.
  • Has a job. Must work.
  • A secure attachment or is currently going to therapy to heal this.
  • Must be left wing with politics.
  • Not codependent.
  • Not manipulate.
  • Not abusive.
  • Not narcissistic, or has any other major personality disorder.
  • Wants to meet in person for dates.
  • Lives nearby.
  • Not an addict.
  • Can communicate in a mature manner.
  • Is self aware and in tune with their emotions.
  • Is smart or open minded.
  • Not religious. (I might be willing to compromise depending on how religious the woman is. Lots of variables on this.)
  • Has her own life.
  • Emotionally available.
  • Respects my boundaries.
  • Respects therapy.
  • Is in reasonable shape. I’m not attracted to heavier women despite me being an obese man.
  • Is interested in me.
  • Accepts me being on the autism spectrum. Accepts me having long covid.
  • Preferably an introvert.
  • Is okay with me being a homebody.
  • Is okay with me consuming weed every once in a while.
  • Is okay with me living with my mother for rent purposes.

I’m probably forgetting some things in this list. I wonder if this is asking too much. I wonder if I meet these things myself.

I am happy being single.

I also want to know what it feels like to be in a healthy, thriving, romantic relationship. Ive never been in one. I feel like I have missed out on this part of life.

The closest I have been in one was earlier this year. That relationship didn’t work out because of pacing.

https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2022/06/27/close-but-no-cigar/

I did ask a friend I met through blogging that I have a strong connection with if she was down with a long-distance relationship, but she said she couldn’t do it because of the distance. Make sense, as she lives in Kenya. That hurt. Especially since I’ve never had a connection like this with an amazing woman like her before. (She is not a catfish or scammer for those concerned. I’ve become an unwilling expert on the subject, sigh.) I’ve been considering visiting her because we get along so well. On the negative side, it would be tough for either of us to start over in a new country to be with each other. Sigh. 😢 (I have given this serious thought since it would be easier for me to do with where I am in life.) Who knows what will happen with this. I’m going to hope for the best-case outcome as a change. Once again it’s nice to have an awesome friend.

I’m 36 and haven’t had a long-term romantic relationship before, which bothers me. I count this as a woman saying she is my girlfriend and that we are officially a couple. I had had short long-distance relationships before where this was the case, but they didn’t work out for different reasons. Dating hasn’t been fun at all for me. Between not feeling ready because of my mental health or job situation, living with my mother, mountains of rejection with online dating, and holding onto a fantasy bond crush that had a disastrous ending that was my fault… I hate dating. I’m fed up with how difficult it’s been.

Therapy has helped me heal from these prior wounds—especially the last one I listed as a reason why.

Man covering face with hands as feeling regret.
That’s never happening again.

I feel that I’m a Demisexual and need an emotional connection to be attracted to a woman.

I have asked out women before, and had a handful of dates, but none worked out. All those dates were stressful because I was anxious or not enjoying them.

What could go wrong, has gone wrong.

I asked out a coworker, she was flattered but in a relationship. On the plus side I gained a friend and I am happy with that.🙂

I suppose that impromptu meeting with a woman earlier this year that led to a one-night stand and me having sex for the first time could be considered a successful date. That only worked because I chose not to wear a mask at the bar while hanging out at the rock show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the experience and am grateful.

I’m honestly not sure if I’m interested in dating anymore. I loathe the process. I don’t like bars or busy places. I’m still cautious about any indoor area with many people because im afraid of catching covid again.

All things considered I have been crushing it this year with dating. I have had two feet in the arena and pushing myself forward despite not being in a relationship. (yet) for many years I wasn’t trying or not living in reality. My hard work of working on myself, learning from my mistakes, and growing has paid off.

I’m lonely, and comfortable with myself.

The long dating journey continues…

Close, but no Cigar

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Shadowed Man standing in turquoise waves staring at a setting sun in a tropical place.

Close, but no cigar.

“cliché A phrase said when one is almost correct or successful but ultimately fails. Cigars were once commonly used as prizes or awards”

Source

A Facebook Dating heartbreak.

I broke up with a lady on Friday night that I met on Facebook dating. She was a real person and not a catfish.

In this situation, no matter how great she was… Sometimes you have to trust your gut. This time, I knew she was a natural person and not a catfish because I talked to her on several phone calls and had a video call with her. Sigh. She was a great person; we had many things in common; she was incredibly attracted to me, and I was to her; she was an upfront communicator, emotionally available, and gave me the benefit of the doubt…

But she wanted marriage, kids, and to move together immediately. While I do like those things, not this year. Not that fast. I said I wanted us to slow things down, and she said she understood, yet… I couldn’t shake the bad feeling in my gut. I am not ready to move in together, start a family, and get married without being sure first.

Text: I broke my own heart loving you.

Relationship goals

My relationship map, as I now understand it, looks like this: Go on dates for a couple months to get a feel for the lady in different situations and observe how I feel about her. Move in together and see how we mesh living together daily. After 1-2 years, consider marriage. I choose that time precisely because it’s outside of the honeymoon phase. We will both know how we handle conflicts and long-term behavior patterns. After marriage, have kids. I’m unsure how many I would like to raise, as I’m not a baby person and am okay with other people’s kids. Have one kid and go from there. (Side note: I know it’s selfish and messed up to want kids in this fucked up world with climate change and all. I still like it. The heart wants what it wants…)

It was hard to break up, and it’s barely been a couple days. I had to do it.

I called her, had a short phone call, and told her I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to keep her from a better match. It didn’t help that we would not have had the first date until August because she was out of town for work. As the relationship coaches would say, it felt like she was Fast Forwarding and putting me on a Pedestal before knowing me in person. Yes, I told her everything about me that could be a problem, such as: That I rent a room from and live with my mother, That I have little relationship experience due to that crush I had on a former friend, That I smoke pot and drink, that I’m on the autism spectrum.

This relationship could have worked out if she had slowed down… If I had experience and hadn’t texted her so much and waited to evaluate during the dates. As dating coach Susan Winter says in the video above… I was the fearful one in this relationship. We were progressing. The problem was that it didn’t feel right to me due to the short time we had known each other. I can’t recall giving a clear reason why I felt like I needed the relationship to slow down. It felt too good to be true. Maybe that’s the pain talking.

Next time I’ll know.

The upside is that now I know I am attractive to women online on dating apps (in this case, Facebook dating). I know that I can attract a woman I am attracted to. I know that I am capable of a relationship. I know that there are actual humans on the apps. I know that I am enough as I am, despite my past and my flaws. I know that I am confident.

I know that I want a lady who tells me what she wants. That says what she expects of me. I want a lady who knows who she is and what she wants.

If it wasn’t for those catfish or fishy online relationships where I’m not sure they are real, I wouldn’t have learned these attraction skills.

Now I know that I want to explore single life more. Have more casual relationships and one-night stands. I would be open to a relationship if the pace is much slower. I’m not ready to date any time soon, but other amazing women are out there.

I was ready for this and will be prepared to date in the future. This was a pleasant surprise in life. I learned from this heartbreak that I need a mentor, a guy friend I can talk to about relationships, or an uncle for advice about women and dating. I know that I have things to work on in therapy.

I’m not sure many people understand how hard it is to walk away when you haven’t dated much as I have. When you are lonely. When you are touch-starved. When it seems like the right thing. I have to trust my gut feeling. I have to trust my intuition. I must trust all the hours of self-work learning about relationships and dating.

Maybe I’m crazy to not date her. Did I make the wrong decision? I hope that she has a great life from here on.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t feel man enough.

Maybe I had to face this dating situation eventually.

Maybe this is life-giving me this situation– to reject a person I loved because we weren’t on the same path– to learn.

I’m disappointed about this. I wish it could have been different. I have to face reality and accept this isn’t different.

I’m tired of online dating.

My healing journey isn’t over.

My dating journey isn’t over.

I’m starting therapy again. I setup up a telehealth appointment.

It’s time to start again.

I feel like shit today.

It sucks when things don’t work out. 😰

Ugh.

Song of the post: Summertime by Orville Peck.

What The Fuck?! (NSFW?)

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Caught with my pants down.

(Sorry mom, I know you read the blog 😂)

I want to say I was tricked, but that absolves me of blame. I fell for this. I’m upset because I was tricked. Frustrated because I fell for another catfish.

On the other hand, I’m like …fuck this! I’m not going to let a shitty person threatening me to control me. I’m not going to allow this bullshit to effect my dating or sex life.

Sexting turned into a video call with a naked woman on the other end. Things were sexy for a decent amount of time to not suspect what comes next.

She turned the tables and took a screenshot of me with my pants down caught red handed.

She threatened to expose me by mass messaging family members.

I feel kept my cool and reported for harassment and showing graphic stuff to people like nudes. Made a post on my Facebook wall, and story. Like this was so blatantly blackmail that I could be focused on protecting myself.

While I was doing this, the other person is threatening to spread the picture and a shot video of me (didn’t know about til then) in the act to everyone I know, and specifically my mom. I think I managed to block and report them in time.

I’m most baffled at the kind of human being that would do this to people! For money? Ugh. Just…. What the Fuck? What a monster.

I guess I’ve won for now. That was really scary. I’m assuming nobody has seen anything.

Somewhere out there online there might be the only nudes and sexy video of me.

I’ve never taken those kinds of pictures of myself before. Never felt the need to. In a way, I’m disappointed by that because I haven’t experienced that in a relationship yet.

( I don’t understand why guys 1) take naked pictures, and 2) send them to women on dating apps without consent or as the first message?)

I dunno if I should be posting about this. I feel stupid to be tricked, upset that I was harassed and threatened, violated because someone tried to shame me by turning on me and using my sexual needs against me.

I guess I needed to vent because I’m figuring out this hurt. I don’t know if this is grief or a long term problem?

Hm, I need to talk to a therapist.

This might be my fear or anxiety talking, but it feels right to post about it here. It’s a risky, weird post. (Am I making this situation worse, or am I overthinking it?)

It’s been really hard to stay positive lately. Fuckin life sometimes…

For the love of God, can I please avoid this ever again by being 5 years into a great romantic relationship?

Ugh.

Catfished

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Picture of a catfish, the actual fish, not a person.
Photo by Denise H. on Pexels.com . The catfish gets a bad rap for this terrible behavior by humans.

Catfished. Ugh.

God damnit. I feel so used. Heart slowly breaking. Angry, hurt, seething, confused sad, empty. Ugh.

The song of the post can only be: Who are you by The Who.

The catfish followed me on Instagram and messaged me. I thought it was genuine interest and she was hot. I was a target and fell for it because the female attention, validation, and ego stroke felt so good. Because I’ve been starved for romance, love, and dating for so long. After being lost in the dating desert, I saw an oasis and dove in for water. For a couple days, I ate my fill, the madness of “love”. I felt my love tank, filling. A tank I haven’t felt filled much before. It feels like something I can only get from other people.

I’ve learned from past encounters with catfish to be wary of anyone online. So I used the reverse image search function on google photos. Then I used: http://imgops.com/upload, another tool suggested by the catfish subreddit.

I found a match on twitter for someone with a different name, identical photo. 🚩. So I looked that name up on Facebook and found like 20 clone accounts with different photos of that person.

Turns out it was the woman mentioned in this article by vice… An instagram model/porn star:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3dm8k/model-sabrina-nichole-catfish-scam-interview

This model’s face, and photos have been used by thousands of catfish scammers. Sometimes for huge amounts of money. Whoever the person who tricked me into a romantic relationship, then tried to ask me to buy gift cards, used her photos. I said goodnight, then reported/blocked on whatsapp. The instagram account that started this, was deleted before I could report it.

Guess it was too good to be true. Online dating is tough because on some level you have to trust the person on the other end is who they say they are. Maybe I was thinking too much with my other head.

So I’m back to the relationship desert. I guess the oasis was a partial illusion because the sand I “drank” had some water. Some nutritional value.

People who trick people like this are the worst scum of humanity. The sick part is that they took time to get to know me.

Maybe it was a placebo. The audiobook Breakup Triage by Susan Winter, a relationship expert I like, has helped a bit today.

In summary, I didn’t lose a penny. I lost some time, but got to practice being vulnerable. Got to practice expressing loving feelings. I’m pissed off about the situation and loss. Still left bitter and hurt. I think what hurts the most is being upset at myself for falling for this. It’s embarrassing to admit.

I really despise that catfishing is such a problem with online dating.

Therapy helped, even if it was short. I’m so glad my therapist fit me in for an appointment. Sigh, I know this pain will pass, and I’ll be happy to date again. But wtf humanity.

Work is going well, and I’m doing well according to my bosses. So that’s good. Oh, and my aunt that was hospitalized is okay, so that’s good too. In one more week, I’ll be fully vaccinated so I can resume doing stuff with people.Soon it will be safe to visit friends. Gratitude is bittersweet when hurt like this.

Sorry for being late with the post.

Lessons from my first girlfriend at 34. (2022 Remaster)

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Picture of a half broken, half shattered windows of glass in an RV.

First romantic relationship at age 34..

Warning: complaining/venting.

She probably views me as a scrub. Scrub from the TLC song of the same name. No job, unemployed, relationship novice, doesn’t have shit together, Smokes pot.

For those blog readers reading this post for the first time, because I linked it in a post from November 2022, this post is from January 30th, 2021. It is a reflection of the person I was at that time. The good, the bad, the cringe, the hurt, the past version of me. Remastered, edited, tweaked for SEO.

Without ado, here is the remastered 2022 version of: First romantic relationship at age 34..

No scrubs by TLC

The truth is we were incompatible. She wanted something completely different from me. She wanted me to buy stuff, and I wasn’t comfortable with that. I do not wish for a text-only relationship. I don’t want a long-distance relationship.

She was an ambitious, driven businesswoman from Hong Kong who wanted to travel and be rich. Retire early. A day trader who trades gold stocks. A literal fucking Gold digger.

(11/06/2022 edit: I originally had Gold Digger by Kanye West. While he was controversial then, since then I can not ethically support him in any way, so I’m changing the song in this post to Respect by Aretha Franklin. In an ironic twist, Kanye has become an Attention Digger)

Respect by Aretha Franklin

Maybe it went too hot, too fast.

I gave into the fantasy of the relationship. I was desperate to finally have a girlfriend. And it was happening. It was too good to be true.

Relationships don't end because two people did something wrong to each other- They end because two people are something wrong for each other. Mark Manson
Credit: Mark Manson.

Too good too be true

Once again, I saw what I wanted to see. I overlooked problems because I wanted to have a girlfriend no matter what. She was my first girlfriend ever, at age 34. I bought into the fantasy because I’ve been so deprived of romance. Which is ultimately my fault. I fucked up in so many ways.

I felt I was ready to date back in November. After this breakup, I’m not sure I actually was. Or am. I’m so tired of never feeling good enough to date. I feel like I have to be perfect to date anyone. At the same time, I don’t want to do all the required work. Dating and relationships work. All I’ve known is pain. I don’t see the benefit of dating. I don’t want to constantly improve. I don’t want to settle, either. I feel that means that I’ll never be enough as I am.

Dating hasn’t been fun. Since men have to do all the work to obtain a relationship, Men in western cultures generally have to take the lead in relationships. Sometimes it’s a lonely and draining experience when you have to do more work. My dating life is over. (CRINGE) I wish that I would be at peace with never dating again. I’m okay being single… But for the rest of my life? Not until I at least have one good long-term romance. Then I could say I tried and gave up. I’m not entitled to a relationship. I don’t feel it’s worth the time, energy, money, or effort. I don’t feel life is worth the time, energy, money, or action. I never wanted to date, to begin with. It feels like an unpaid internship where you’re constantly led on by the promise of more like a carrot on a stick. But that job offer never happens.

I feel this is impossible because of my mental illness. I resent my sexual and romantic needs. It feels like a curse. Life would be so much easier without them. The worst part of all this is that my insecurities were again correct.

I just want to be. Then again, I’m pretty stupid with this stuff.

All I know is I deserve better than that relationship. I learned that I’m not afraid of commitment; I’m so scared of wasting my time. Once again…

What is love? by Haddaway.

Thank you for reading this; if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!


Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!


© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Single and Unemployed on the same day

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Throwing a paper plane to the moon, wishing for a better life
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

Unemployed

Oh man, I didn’t want to go to work today. Didn’t get enough sleep, felt hungover, and all I could manage to eat my usual morning almond milk-coffee, and a mason jar of water. I feel like I could have used another 3 hours of sleep all day.

Despite feeling off today, work was great. It was smooth as hell, and the full canning run went great. Only 2 cases were off from 4 massive pallets. I sprained my left wrist, but it’s no big deal. Should heal in a few days. This was likely my last day working at Cleen Craft, but who knows. Maybe misc on call warehouse work in the future. Maybe the last time I’ll see my coworker again. He was a cool dude, hard worker, and an effective trainer. By the end of the day, I was tired and sore but felt satisfied. It didn’t feel like the end, more a semicolon than a period. This hasn’t hit me until right now, as I write this three hours later, comfortable in typing this at my desktop pc.

Single

About a day later, I can say I felt like coming. Contact wasn’t happening as much as it was even a week earlier. I thought she was just busy with work. There were other problems, but I don’t have the clarity of mind to talk about it today. We had a curt chat since yesterday was supposedly her birthday. I offered her well wishes, and she responded with 1 word answers. Which was a huge flag there. She wasn’t much of a talker before this, so I knew something was up. As I got home, and was about to take a shower, she sent me a text with this message:

I think we should break up.

I said: Why? No response. Sent: “I’m either all in or all out. What’s your thoughts on why we should end it?”

I took a shower and came back to my phone, waiting for a response. Nothing to anything I sent after 26 minutes. I wasn’t going to wait around for someone who started a a serious conversation over text to break up, then stonewall. Fuck that bullshit. 26 minutes is enough time to answer why it should end. Or say ANYTHING in response. That is disrespectful. I don’t play these games. Pfft. Don’t give me that.

First of all, its cowardly and immature to say “we should break up”. No this means that the person who says this wants to break up. No discussion before of problems she had. Honestly looking back, she was shady and I felt not as honest I was in this relationship. The state of the relationship made me uncomfortable and insecure. I felt she was constantly pressing my boundaries, and trying to change me into something I’m not, despite me saying I didn’t want to do x or y. Many times it felt like pulling teeth trying to get to know her. As time went on, the situation felt fishy, and something felt off.

It sucks, but I think I dodged a bullet. I feel like this a day later…

Like a Rolling Stone:

Well, some relationships are practice for the real thing. Honestly that shitty ending is making it easier to move on, but we will see. Grief has it’s own clock.

Maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to date yet. I need to figure out what to do for work, and a long term career. Well, I learned a bunch of important lessons in this short relationship. No text only relationships. I learned that my boundaries are much stronger than I’ve assumed, and that I can handle myself. Trust your gut. Love is not enough. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. (Well, I’ve known that last bit for years. It was important to have it reinforced.) If it feels too good to be true, it likely is. Nobody is worth your own peace of mind.

At the least, all my effort the past year to learn about relationships has paid off. I recommend anyone that wants to learn more about modern dating to watch this youtube channel, hosted by dating coach Susan Winter:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8Jb8Z7yJS9mXqF37Dcm2HQ

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Recent posts:

Xmas come early? Covid test negative!

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Christmas tree 2020.
The Christmas tree.

Breaking news…

I think… I have a girlfriend. 😳 The mysterious woman I met on Tinder that I’ve blogged about recently. We have communicated thus far over WhatsApp, but haven’t met in person yet because of the pandemic, and this new relationship. I’m euphoric that this is happening, and incredibly anxious because I’m worried she might reject me. I haven’t had a girlfriend before and now that’s so close I’m worried. It feels too good to be true… My dream of finding some I love, that loves me too is coming true. That also wants to meet in person. All of my suffering and hard work to become healthy has meaning. Because I earned meaning by being persistent. In my romantic life, 2020 has felt like a classic Romantic Christmas movie…. A Cinderella Christmas story for me? 2020 has also taught me to be patient, and be bold too. Please let this be real!

It’s been such a long time since I could jam to this music. Omg it’s really happening!

Covid test result: negative!

I got fantastic news today, I had a negative test result, so I don’t have Coronavirus! This is also true for everyone at work! I’m grateful for this! This means that I can meet my new beau in person soon. I’m so excited!

My love life is in bloom.
This is the first selfie I’ve felt confident about my looks in a long time.

The end of the Tinder saga?

Today I got rid of all the dating apps I had on my phone. It was nice to get so many matches on Bumble, and even 1 on Hinge, but I’m a one woman man. Omg I can’t wait to see what life has next for me and my new lady. What an amazing turn of events!

Have love and a girlfriend is a thing I’ve secretly wish for as a Xmas present for years. And it’s here? Woah.

Previous December Blog marathon posts:

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

A cold, coronavirus, or pandemic fatigue?

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Today, I’ve slowly felt more exhausted over time. I hope this isn’t from covid. I haven’t had the energy to do anything but watch football games. I did some stretching earlier in the day, and that helped a little bit with my sore muscles. There isn’t a reason for this exhaustion or sore spots. Hopefully this congestion I have is due to allergies.

Maybe my body is finally processing the stress from the 2020 election since the Supreme Court threw out a recount in Texas. It won’t feel real until January 20, 2021 when Biden becomes president.

Symptoms:

  • Fatigue
  • Muscle soreness
  • Congestion

That’s 3 symptoms of coronavirus according to the CDC. It’s now been 8 days since I was exposed at work. I’m still waiting on results from the test I took on Friday. So, I’m staying positive, hoping for a negative!😅😷

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/symptoms-testing/symptoms.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fcoronavirus%2F2019-ncov%2Fabout%2Fsymptoms.html

Online dating:

Last Sunday, I deleted my Tinder account. Overall, I had 4 matches with real people, and 8 with fakes. Of those 4, only 2 actually met my preferences. 1 ghosted me after a little bit, and the last one I’m still talking to.

I felt like deleting it because I hadn’t had a new match in weeks. I didn’t feel like paying another $10 on top of the $30 monthly fee for super likes. It felt like most of the women I swiped were super popular users. So the only way to stand out was to pay more just to be able to send a message. No thanks.

In Tinders place I’m trying Bumble and Hinge (again). I’ve had a Bumble account for a while, with no luck… Until today when I discovered I had a match. 🙂 I swiped right today, so now I have to wait 24 hours for her to message me. Seems to be the story of 2020… Patience and waiting.

December blog marathon posts:

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Tinder saga part 2: Success?

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Maybe it's not the fear of the unknown, but a fear of the known coming to an end -Dr Jaime Zuckerman.
Saw this on Instagram today, from #anxietyproblems page. It really captured how I feel lately. Maybe this is why I subconsciously started this blog… Because I was afraid I didn’t know myself enough. I guess knowing yourself is a lifelong process.

How this journey into the Unknown began: https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2020/03/

Tinder saga part 2:

I’m worried this new relationship is too good to be true. I’ve been texting a lady I matched with on Tinder. It’s been going well for a couple weeks! It’s so new that it feels fragile. I’m hopeful that it will continue to go well. There isn’t any guarantee of course, but I feel that I’m showing up and being comfortable expressing my needs, being myself, and communicating with her.

Bolero performed by The London Symphony Orchestra.

I’m a romantic relationship noob. The reason I chose Bolero for this post, is because this piece of music is how I feel about the romantic relationship dance. Be patient, but brave. It’s healthy to go slow, and grow. You want a partner with you, not anyone to complete you. The best analogy I’ve heard to describe a healthy relationship is from Russell Brand’s youtube channel. I couldn’t find which video this quote is from, so I’ll paraphrase it… Something like: A healthy relationship is like two buildings next to each other. Each one needs to have a healthy sense of self. Two separate beings next to each other.

I haven’t been as mindful and in the moment for a romantic relationship as I am in this one. It’s been easy to be myself and be vulnerable. I am worthy, I am strong, I am enough. I can handle myself and any problems that come up!

So am I ready to love?:

https://ousoescrever.com/2020/11/28/are-you-ready-to-love-article-requested-by-reilly/

So, as I promised Alexandra Marie Santos in the blog post above, I will answer her response to my question on her blog. Below are questions she posed in her post:

  • Being single doesn’t mean waiting for love entrance, which is the wrong move. When you wait, you slow down your movement towards what is waiting for you. 

Thankfully, I learned this lesson the hard way earlier this year. I’m not waiting for someone again.

  • When you are single, it doesn’t mean that you are emotionally broken, unlovable, incomplete, or missing out on life. In reality, this is your opportunity to glow and master your tools as a future partner by educating yourself. 

It’s not that I feel I’m missing out on dating because I’m single, it’s more like I’m curious what that aspect of life feels like. I haven’t dated much before because I had to focus on my mental health. I’ve been on this journey for 12 years, and finally got the help I’ve sought for for long. To be mentally healthy has been my biggest goal in life for a long time. I’ve been constantly educating myself in whatever way I could over the years.

  • Confidence. When you embrace your singlehood and stop think when and how love will materialize in your life. You build your confidence but also peace of mind. 

Love and relationships don’t just happen. I didn’t learn this until this year. You have to work at it. I simply don’t want to be single for the rest of my life, and would not want to be. I feel like I have to accept this weird contradiction to finally find the right person. Like I have to give up wanting to be with anyone to find someone? Huh? I get that you need to be healthy on your own, and have your own life. How am I supposed to practice relationship or dating skills? You have to practice with people.

  • Singlehood offers the opportunity to explore what you want to explore without being a doormat of somebody else whimsical demands because we tend to choose bad partners or reject good ones when we don’t feel great about ourselves.  

Agreed.

  • Being single isn’t a synonym for death, but a great period to evolve and understand that love and partnership is the merging of two souls, not as a Hollywood portrait, but as how real-life demands. 

Agreed.

  • How do you feel about your single life and being single?

Though the pandemic life right now sucks because I can’t go out and see friends or family in person, or not be able to go try activities with people, I’m comfortable being single. I’m already introverted so I am careful with people I bring into my life.

  • Are you using this time to fulfill your emotional needs and also discovering new parts of yourself? Or are you ruminating about how in the future it will be having another person by your side?

Yep. Basically why I started blogging earlier this year. To fulfill my needs, and discovering parts of myself. I’m not ruminating about anyone anymore because I already made that mistake and waited 7 years for someone to be available. It ended in an embarrassing, ugly, bitter breakup. I feel I’ve learned from it and moved on.

  • Not all relationships will survive, but I see, and research has shown that around 90% of intimate relationships fail because people don’t have mental clarity about what they want, don’t know themselves. And don’t explain how they want to be loved by their partner or think there is someone always better waiting for them. And this takes us to another important point: the necessity to acknowledge their’s and our’s romantic dynamics history. How many serious relationships they had? They were the ones who ended it? At what stage, the relationship ended? What about us? Do we need to chase people? Do we need to prove ourselves and our worth, and so we tend to chose unavailable partners?
  • I know what I want, and have explained to my new person what I want. We haven’t talked much about our histories, yet. I’m not chasing anymore, and I don’t think I’ve been trying to prove myself to my new person. I am enough as I am right now.

If you would like to read the whole blog post, here is the link again:

https://ousoescrever.com/2020/11/28/are-you-ready-to-love-article-requested-by-reilly/

New all time record!

This is a picture of my old dream board. In 2017, my goal was to finish a novel I started. I made it 47,458 words on a draft. I want to finish it. Man, I need to clean this… 🙃

This is significant because, the total word count for this blog before this post is:

Total word count on this picture of a dry erase board is 47,284
Word count for this post is 1108 currently.

Considering some of that is quotes from other people, I’m going ahead and say that I made it! This is officially the most writing I have ever done in a single year! Woohoo!

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

2/31 posts done for the December writing marathon!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Tinder saga part 1: Did I mess up?

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Today I fucked up…

I was texting this woman I matched with on Tinder. It was a nice converstation between us that was going well. Until I fucked up… Maybe its simply not to be, and she clicked with someone else.

Last weekend I was browsing Spotify for new music and I find this song:

… Without doing much research about the song.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Restaurant

Just quickly browsing the wikipedia article has these gems at the top: “Characteristics: Guthrie refers to the incident as a “massacree“, a colloquialism originating in the Ozark Mountains[5] that describes “an event so wildly and improbably and baroquely messed up that the results are almost impossible to believe”. It is a corruption of the word massacre, but carries a much lighter and more sarcastic connotation, rather than describing anything involving actual death.[6]“

Prologue: Guthrie explains that his friend Alice owns a restaurant, but adds that “Alice’s Restaurant” is the name of the song, not the business. He then sings the chorus, which is in the form of a jingle for the restaurant, beginning “You can get anything you want at Alice’s restaurant”, and continuing with directions to it.

I hope this is just anxiety!

Did I just imply that she’s so fucked up, it’s impossible to believe? And “you can get anything you want from her? Aka a slut? What the fuck did I do? Well, that and not respond for 5 days. No wonder she took her picture off her whatsapp profile…

This was the worst choice of song to suggest to someone, along with the awful shit I said. I hope I didn’t harass her! Fuck. I fucked up.

Oof… I can’t believe I said something so stupid… And now I can’t message her to apologize for being an asshole!

She unmatched me on Tinder. Boy I fucked up.

So, I will apologize here. Hopefully I can teach someone else not to be an asshole online over text! And if you make a mistake, apologize immediately. Dear Match from Tinder, I am so sorry for what I said on {day happened} I regret sending those last __ messages. I’m sorry. Maybe you will never read this, but I am so sorry. I won’t contact you again, and went ahead and deleted your info on Whatsapp. I apologize for being your first impression of a person on Tinder. 😑

I know that dating is a journey, and that failure is the way to grow, but so soon sucks. Hopefully this is nothing. Merely incompatibility.

Thankfully, I still have 1 match I’m taking to. I hope it continues to go well!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, so this is what happened… 😬 Thanks Zoewiezoe!:

  2. Hiya Rielly. This is your path forward. Never stop moving. Yep, been kind of distracted here but there are bunch…

Damn, I was ghosted… Guess this is karma for doing this to someone before… And won’t do again.:

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.