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Song of the post: Tired of Being Alone by Al Green

That doesn’t mean I’m going to settle. A rant on dating apps…

I don’t want to use dating apps again. I didn’t have much success after using Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble for a couple of years. It’s like looking for work on Indeed, but you can apply to every job. Unlike sites like Indeed, where you look for work, with dating and dating apps, you have a chance of success with people out of your training, experience, or attractiveness because of how dating works. Dating apps are worse than Indeed because at least you know if you have a fair shot of success with looking for work because you know your potential pool of employers based on your training and expertise. With dating apps, you see every job or person nearby. Sure I could apply for that CEO job in baking despite having zero experience or knowledge of that industry and have better odds of winning the lottery. But they won’t look at my application and do not reply, making me think I have a shot at an interview. They won’t match up like on bumble and force me to watch the match timer slowly tick away for three days before never responding. Jobs won’t make their needs unclear or not put enough information in their post for job seekers not to know what they are looking for.

Some posts on instagram that resonates with this new me:

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A post shared by Mandy Hale (@thesinglewoman)

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A post shared by Shane and Fatima (@the_living_relationship)

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A post shared by Lion | Dating Transformation Coach (@datingbylion)

What am I looking for in a partner?

• Single
• Doesn’t have kids. I don’t want to be a father right away. I’d only consider kids after dating and living together for a couple years.
• Willing to pace the relationship. Not too fast, not too slow.
• Has goals.
• Has a job. Must work.
• A secure attachment or is currently going to therapy to heal this.
• Must be left wing with politics.
• Not codependent.
• Not manipulate.
• Not abusive.
• Not narcissistic, or has any other major personality disorder.
• Wants to meet in person for dates.
• Lives nearby.
• Not an addict.
• Can communicate in a mature manner.
• Is self aware and in tune with their emotions.
• Is smart or open minded.
• Not religious. (I might be willing to compromise depending on how religious the woman is. Lots of variables on this.)
• Has her own life.
• Emotionally available.
• Respects my boundaries.
• Respects therapy.
• Is in reasonable shape. I’m not attracted to heavier women despite me being an obese man.
• Is interested in me.
• Accepts me being on the autism spectrum. Accepts me having long covid.
• Preferably an introvert.
• Is okay with me being a homebody.
• Is okay with me consuming weed every once in a while.
• Is okay with me living with my mother for rent purposes.

I’m probably forgetting some things in this list. I wonder if this is asking too much. I wonder if I meet these things myself.

I am happy being single.

I also want to know what it feels like to be in a healthy, thriving, romantic relationship. Ive never been in one. I feel like I have missed out on this part of life.

The closest I have been in one was earlier this year. That relationship didn’t work out because of pacing.

https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2022/06/27/close-but-no-cigar/

I did ask a friend I met through blogging that I have a strong connection with if she was down with a long-distance relationship, but she said she couldn’t do it because of the distance. Make sense, as she lives in Kenya. That hurt. Especially since I’ve never had a connection like this with an amazing woman like her before. (She is not a catfish or scammer for those concerned. I’ve become an unwilling expert on the subject, sigh.) I’ve been considering visiting her because we get along so well. On the negative side, it would be tough for either of us to start over in a new country to be with each other. Sigh. 😢 (I have given this serious thought since it would be easier for me to do with where I am in life.) Who knows what will happen with this. I’m going to hope for the best-case outcome as a change. Once again it’s nice to have an awesome friend.

I’m 36 and haven’t had a long-term romantic relationship before, which bothers me. I count this as a woman saying she is my girlfriend and that we are officially a couple. I had had short long-distance relationships before where this was the case, but they didn’t work out for different reasons. Dating hasn’t been fun at all for me. Between not feeling ready because of my mental health or job situation, living with my mother, mountains of rejection with online dating, and holding onto a fantasy bond crush that had a disastrous ending that was my fault… I hate dating. I’m fed up with how difficult it’s been.

Therapy has helped me heal from these prior wounds—especially the last one I listed as a reason why.

I feel that I’m a Demisexual and need an emotional connection to be attracted to a woman.

I have asked out women before, and had a handful of dates, but none worked out. All those dates were stressful because I was anxious or not enjoying them.

What could go wrong, has gone wrong.

I asked out a coworker, she was flattered but in a relationship. On the plus side I gained a friend and I am happy with that.🙂

I suppose that impromptu meeting with a woman earlier this year that led to a one-night stand and me having sex for the first time could be considered a successful date. That only worked because I chose not to wear a mask at the bar while hanging out at the rock show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the experience and am grateful.

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I’m honestly not sure if I’m interested in dating anymore. I loathe the process. I don’t like bars or busy places. I’m still cautious about any indoor area with many people because im afraid of catching covid again.

All things considered I have been crushing it this year with dating. I have had two feet in the arena and pushing myself forward despite not being in a relationship. (yet) for many years I wasn’t trying or not living in reality. My hard work of working on myself, learning from my mistakes, and growing has paid off.

I’m lonely, and comfortable with myself.

The long dating journey continues…

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• Still not recovered
• Struck by Seratonin Syndrome
• On short hiatus for health reasons
• I need help moving out.
• It feels like a new chapter is on the way
• Rejected again
• A gift from a reader, and a repaired cellphone.
• Life with Long Covid
• Let’s Cook: How Baked Alaska turned into Dos Leches.
• Potluck at a Pot Company