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The title is a double joke, mixing Math and English with “*” representing the multiplication symbol to make an equation. F in the formula below stands for fractions.

Bargaining.       Acceptance 
-------------  *.  ---------------  *  F
Grief.                       Grief.          

Funny? Corny? Like it, don’t like it? Let me know in the comments. If you’ve seen this before in math and know the solution, let me know below. You can not be prepared enough in math. Other author note: Using X for mutiplication felt too much like Hunter X Hunter. While I love that anime, it didn’t feel relevant for this post.

Grief in light speed!

Monday, I fucked up on my Math Quiz. It’s quiz number one of five. So far, I’ve aced all the homework and one test I took last week that I blogged about last week here.

https://unknownreilly.com/2023/10/09/first-test-of-the-quarter/

I still can get an A or a high A if I continue with aces on the remaining work in the class. But… I won’t be able to get a 4.0. Correction, I still can, as the Syllabus says that an overall score of 95% and up can become a 4.0 for a grade. But, ninety to ninety-five percent overall becomes a range of 3.5 – 3.9. It’s still an excellent potential grade. Why am I annoyed?

Pride from healthy self-esteem.

This could been avoided if I had taken a breather and used the remaining allotted time. And corrected the stupid mistakes that caused a nonperfect grade. Stupid shit like missing 11s + 5s = 16s instead of 17s because I sped through because I felt confident and handled every question asked. The software my class uses has strict logic regarding answers. If it isn’t the exact answer, it’s incorrect. The two misses were questions I didn’t come back to answer (Which is a method of taking tests: Answer the questions you know and come back after you have responded to them all.) This quiz was different from homework and the previous test because, unlike those, after you hit the next question button, you have no idea how you did until you hit “end” and submit the test. There was a popup message saying: “Are you sure you want to submit?” But I pressed yes. Only then did I know I made mistakes, which led to a 91.4% grade.

Fuck.

I still had about an hour to submit the quiz, so this is on me. There is a remote possibility that the Professor may offer some bonus work at the end of the quarter; however, I can’t depend on that. That line of thinking is bargaining with a loss. You know, a stage of grief. Technology and software are cruel mistresses. Not that I wanted a mistress.

Well, lesson learned. Be a little more patient on future quizzes.

I’m disappointed because I had the opportunity to get a perfect score, and I may have blown it. Eventually, these grades won’t matter in the long term. In the short term, it matters because there’s no way I shouldn’t ace a class I am otherwise doing well in.

Being hyper on the second cup of coffee because I had this and a final draft of an essay to finish in English class probably didn’t help. I haven’t taken my ADD medication in a week because I have a new doctor, and they wouldn’t let me get a refill before an appointment with a doctor or a gap fill for the time until a visit, which is tomorrow morning. I could have planned a sooner appointment if I knew this was the case. In fact, I did plan. I had a phone appointment last week, but it was scheduled as a video visit, and nobody sent me a link. UGH.

Fucking American healthcare. I could see how this could prevent something addictive, but the medication I take isn’t and is something I’ve been on for ten years. I may have to email somebody with my insurance or doctor’s office to fix this stupid thing because this could be dangerous for someone who has taken critical medicine. I can live without it, but the side effects have made me dizzy and nauseous, along with having ADD focus issues and a minor flareup of long COVID symptoms because Guanfacine, the medicine I take for ADD, also treats that.

Double the madness.

Grief can be a creeping, slow, slithering Snake-Demon.

For those unfamiliar:

“According to the model of the five stages of grief (or the Kübler-Ross model), those experiencing grief go through five emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Although it is in common use, studies have not confirmed these stages, and the model has been criticized as outdated^[1] and unhelpful in explaining the grieving process.^[2][3]“

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief

Some forms of grief, like the section above, are fast, as it’s been an hour since I took that test (Finished about 430pm PST, its now 531pm PST at the time of this writing. (On another unrelated thought, I probably shouldn’t be blogging when I have a critical paper to write.)) Others such as grief resulting as a cause of the end of a significant relationship, which this section of this post is about, take years. How do you know you’ve grieved and accepted it?

https://www.zenpencils.com/comic/80-henry-david-thoreau-on-happiness/

This comic, inspired by a Henry David Thoreau quote on Happiness, fits my experience with grief and loss.

(If you have not heard of Zen Pencils before, artist Gavin Aung Than created this website of comics adapted from famous quotes, which he then made a comic. He stopped in 2018 and made two books that I own–and this isn’t the first time that I have used these comics on the blog— however, the comics are timeless and add to the intrinsic artistic value of quotes.)

The point is that, like this comic and quote, the acceptance stage of grief is like a butterfly.

Try to catch it with a net forcefully? It will fly away. Run after it and try to catch it in your hand? You’ll be out of breath and injure yourself due to your tunnel vision, losing focus of the work around you, crushing the butterfly.

Live your life and ignore the butterfly? It is like grief will find you and perch on your shoulder, giving you the acceptance you chased.

Acceptance Butterfly

My acceptance butterfly was for a relationship that ended in 2020 and eventually really ended last summer. I’ve already written too much about it on the blog, which wasn’t appropriate then, or ever, so I’ll keep this brief.

I know I’ve healed because I can see everything that happened from both perspectives.

I was finally able to have a mature conversation, with myself and an empty chair. (A verified technique used in therapy.)

It’s a method to talk to people who are dead, or that you’ll never talk to again. This is the latter.

I was able to clearly explain why I acted like I did and the emotions and reasoning in my head during that time.

I apologized for what I did and vowed to never act like that again. I told them how I’ve learned from the experience and how I’ve acted in dating since.

I know what I did wrong and why.

I understand why and what the other party meant in their last message.

I accept what it is.

I accept what I did.

I still have work and healing to do in a relationship. I won’t ever forget them, the good times, and everything between.

I can’t change the past or, what I did, or what I could have done differently.

It’s over, and it’s in the past.

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Let’s see what the next section of homework that I have to do is:

Fractions.

Fractions?!

I. Hate. Fractions.

Why? Because it feels like such a specific topic that isn’t useful in life. While cooking is the most common place they are used, at least in America, once you learn that metric and weights are the most accurate and easiest method to measure ingredients, the fraction measuring cups become archaic. Instead of wasting brain power on fraction division or multiplication, measuring whole numbers is far faster and less complicated. 1 cup is 8oz. (approximately, depending on the mass of the ingredient.) knowing that if a recipe has any fractions, I convert it to whole numbers.

So, 1/2 becomes 4oz, and so on. Yes, you can do division and multiplication to find the answer, but most ingredients or food products you buy are sold by weight. When dividing into smaller pieces, I estimate or measure with a ruler, or by weight. My experience working in professional kitchens was that you would maybe use quarters or halves to measure, but for any smaller, you would go to measuring spoons. Which are thirds of fluid ounces. Which are ratios.

Example of the shit I’m talking about:

“A man is making cookies from a recipe that calls for 1/2 teaspoon of oil. If the only measuring spoon he can find is 1/8 teaspoon, how many of these will he have to fill with oil in order to have a total of 12 teaspoon of oil?

He will have to use_________  spoon fulls.”

XYZ Homework, Division with fractions, homework section 2.4; Question 22.

12 teaspoons of oil is 4 tablespoons or 1/4 cup, or 2oz of oil. This question is fucking annoying. How do I know this? Ratios and ounce measurements. AND that isn’t how cookie recipes work. Or measuring spoons.

Butter (though you can use oil in cookies, but I don’t recommend it because the final texture isn’t quite right.) Is an essential ingredient in cookies.

Example of what a cookie recipe looks like here. Though, this cookie recipe isn’t the classic cookie recipe because it’s for vegan cookie dough ice cream. Which means specialized adaptations to make this work.

Hmmm, great recipe but doesn’t fit this point I’m making. In a way proving that my recipe is as poor a fit as the example used for my homework question.

Here’s a classic example from Betty Crocker. It uses 1 cup of butter.

Yes the recipe uses fractions, but not for the larger volume ingredients such as flour, butter, sugar, chocolate chips, or butter. If I wanted to make a double recipe, I would use addition. I would use the 1tsp measuring spoons.

The point is that this tiny measurement of oil is irrelevant to the cookie recipe they used. Adding more fat would screw up the ratios, and the baker must adjust. Adjust by reducing that amount of butter or adding flour/sugar. Maybe if the oil was infused, it may make sense to add. What flavor, though? What flavor would fit with the recipe and not detract or could be accomplished by ground spices?

I am actively using other math concepts because they are more relevant.

I’m sure the concept of fractions is useful in other fields or higher math, it’s that I don’t feel it belongs in beginning math classes that are pre-requisites. Or the levels of math classes that I have passed in the past. (Pre-algebra). After a certain point, decimals are more relevant.

But I digress.

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Once again, I am learning lessons outside of the classroom material.

I am learning how to regulate my emotions when faced with stressful situations.

Time management and self-discipline practice.

Grinding through work, I find it difficult because the class (and with my work experience, the job) requires it. You have to learn the material immediately because the project is due next week (test).

Man, I’ve been busy…

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