Tag Archives: writing

It feels like a new chapter is on the way

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Plant
Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com

Lately, it feels like I’m entering a new period of my life

First, I have to acknowledge the gap between posts. It’s been a week, and I could not write a post for Monday. I have no excuses. The reason why is that I have felt ill. I think I’ve caught whatever is going around, and possibly am having a flare-up from long covid.

No doubt I’m feeling like this because of the events of the previous post last week. Romantic rejection is hard enough. It’s harder when you feel you have a close connection with that person and get each other. Alas, while the friendship remains in a more limited version, heartbreak sucks, and I miss the connection we had. I’m getting better day by day, and eventually, I’ll be able to read her posts; for now, I need time. It’s okay if a woman doesn’t want romance with me. There are women who will. I’d prefer this journey to find love to be over and to find that woman who wants to be my girlfriend, but for now, it’s working through the steps of grief. It will pass, though not knowing when the end is annoying.

I’d prefer grief over trying than the regret of not trying.

In positive news, I’m coming to a point in therapy where I’m ready to end this period with my therapist. Since June of last year, I’ve been going to sessions online through the Ginger app via video sessions. Every few weeks, I have a survey about my symptoms, which have been improving steadily. At the same time, work will offer health insurance sometime in the spring, so it’s a good time to start thinking about what comes next. My therapist suggested taking a break, which I agree would be helpful. I also want to find a different therapist, possibly one local with a different approach.

Work is going great. It’s so nice to do well and have a workplace I can count on. While my job is repetitive and recently feels like the walls are closing in because of all the new storage shelves in our tiny space, there is nowhere else I want to be. (Other than sleeping a bit more and being home to write during peak hours.)

When I’ve tried to write recently, I’ve had headaches from the mental strain. It hasn’t helped that I couldn’t get up at 5am, despite getting plenty of sleep or extra sleep, and my body feels physically awful. I feel like I have been going crazy not being able to write. This isn’t because of anxiety as has happened in the past; its new symptoms are directly related to long covid. Increased mental strain hurts my brain, my physical exhaustion rises when I try, or it feels like my brain is empty, foggy, or like swiss cheese. When I am clear-headed or feel normal during the day, I’m at work and can’t write. In that case, I’m limited to nine A.M. to two or three P.M.

I should be grateful that I can finally write on Thursday morning at my regular time.

The creative demons are back in full force today. Shame for not producing. Guilt for feeling like a hack writer who doesn’t make anything of worth, regret for stories I never finished in the past, frustration for now being disabled, and having physical and mental limitations when I can write. Imposter syndrome creeping in.

I know none of these are helpful. I know it’s part of the creative process to learn to handle each of these emotions so I can get to the parts I enjoy. I understand that the only way to be creative about anything is to sit down and do it. I must get through the mountain of shit to discover and process the gold into a usable product.

Hello, demons. Nice to see you again. I know you are me and my insecurities speaking.

I’m tired of feeling frustrated because I can’t complete something I actually want to do. I want to be a storyteller. I want to write stories that matter. That feels meaningful to me. Fiction. I need to do something different.

Mood: https://www.zenpencils.com/comic/calling/

I’ve done enough reading on the how-to. Watched hundreds of hours of how-to and writing tips on youtube. I need to go and do it. Maybe I need to change the location where I do this writing as my current methods and writing at home isn’t getting the results I want. I feel too distracted at work and too pressed for time on breaks to be able to focus on writing.

I feel that many things in my life that have either been on hold or stuck will change when winter is over. This covid winter feels like it will be the last year where it is a threat to catch.

A gift from a reader, and a repaired cellphone.

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Picture of wrapped gift with a red bow on a brown wooden table.

A reader gifted me a WordPress plan! 🥺

Oh my gosh thank you so much! Whomever you are…

Picture of an email receipt from WordPress for a personal blog plan and domain registration.
Picture of an email receipt from WordPress for a personal blog plan and domain registration.

This hasn’t happened to me before! I’m so grateful and I don’t know who to thank!

Cellphone repair

This happened yesterday, and the reason I didn’t know or post about it was because I was getting my phone repaired. I badly needed a new battery and charging port.

My phone is about two and a half years old with heavy use, so I’d have to recharge it multiple times a day with a fast charging cord. So both the USB port and the battery needed to be replaced.

I ordered the parts myself and was going to do the repairs myself, I’m handy with computers, and most repairs are straightforward with a guide and cheap tools you can buy online. I’ve built my past three PCs for gaming, so replacing parts on the phone is easy.

While I can and have blogged on my Personal desktop computer, I don’t like to. I get too distracted. It’s the thing I use to relax after work and on weekends. I’ve noticed that my best production comes away from there in other locations in the morning.

It was as simple as finding my phone model in the settings, looking up: “battery replacement for model” on YouTube, and acquiring what I needed on Amazon, which was about $30. I have much better compared to purchasing a brand-new phone for like $400-600. Plus, that would be wasteful and unnecessary since my phone, as I type on it today, February 1st, is working like it was before the battery started to wear out.

I had a problem with the repair. I got the back case off with the tool kit and a borrowed hair drier, BUT some of the tiny custom screws were stripped, and none of the eight miniature custom screwdrivers worked to remove the screws. So, I brought it to a local cellphone repair shop in my neighborhood on Monday. I picked it up Tuesday night after work. The total cost of replacing the parts with an expert: is $75—a fair price. Maybe I can get another two years out of this phone. Or more? I don’t need a fancy or overpriced expensive model.

That brings us today on Wednesday morning.

Sorry, Im late with a post. I lost Thursday through Sunday because of my health. I had a Long-Covid flare-up out of the blue. While I was feeling better on the weekend, I still had brain fog and could not do anything requiring a strenuous mental effort like blogging. Which is a bummer when that falls on the days I plan to write new posts.

Other

Thankfully I had a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday last week. My bloodwork was in a healthy range, and the results from the EKG were good. I’m already feeling better from her advice on changes to make. Which, among other things are to add a dose of vitamin B12 and CoQ10 to my regimen. I’m also increasing my antidepressant which will help with that part of long covid symptoms.

This is the third round of medical tests done in the past year. While all have been in the healthy range, which is good, it’s frustrating that I’m still dealing with long covid. Since science is catching up on research, and understanding thus disease, I’m doing all I can. It’s out of my control when or if I recover. So all I can do now is to practice Radical acceptance.

All things considered, Life’s good. I’m still terrified of catching covid and waiting until the peak season of winter is over to socialize in person, Still, I’m slowly improving with this and my therapy-centered issues.

I’m not sure how to end this post; Thanks for reading! If the mysterious gift giver would like to identify themselves in the comments, please do! I would like to personally thank you!

Regular posts resume tomorrow.

F SEO, Be imperfect. Be good Enough.

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Dart hitting the center of a dartboard

I’ve been stuck in a perfectionist mindset for a while, and that needs to stop.

This is the old me. I recognize that this is an old voice in my head. I know this isn’t good for me. I recognize these thoughts as other people, such as family or society.

It’s still a pain to sort through these, and get to what I want. What I feel. What is true to me.

Change is hard, and comes slowly.

You must not be afraid of playing wrong notes. Just forget it, play it wrong! But Play! -Alan Watts https://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-you-must-not-be-afraid-of-playing-wrong-notes-just-forget-it-play-it-wrong-but-play-alan-watts-82-47-86.jpg

At the time of this post, I have 52 draft posts.

I haven’t published these for many reasons. All are signs that I have changed. That I have grown as a person since I started blogging 2+ years ago.

Reasons why for the drafts: lost interest, procrastination, felt it didn’t sit right, potentially over sharing, the post needed more time to breathe, timing for SEO wasn’t great, or the post simply needed more work, or I had to prioritize self care.

I accept and resent that I have Long Covid. Like all chronic illness, it is unpredictable. I have been doing well on self care and asserting my needs to others with this illness. It’s come first this year since I caught it in January. I really took for granted all that time I had before this disease that I could write with some effort. All that time that I could choose to do activities instead of not having that choice due to symptoms.

I have to remind myself that it’s okay to not be perfect. Perfect is subjective. Life is often lived in the gray area. Yes it is possible to sometimes have it all line up, and things unfold in a perfect manner, in your point of view.

All this is to say that I have to remind myself to be okay with good enough. Putting an imperfect post out like this is better for yourself and the blog than nothing. Every post counts. If only for the sake of writing it. Publishing it is good too.

Good enough is better than nothing at all. Each step is progress. The doing is the point. The doing is living life.

This is the real secret of life -To be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play. Alan Watts.

This is good enough for today. The “perfect” amazing posts are in your head, Reilly. Sure it would be nice if one or a few went viral, or hell, brought slightly more attention with new readers other than people you already know, and the few subscribers who do read your stuff. (Love Y’all)

If you fuck up, or nobody reads this post, which has happened before being as this blog is tiny… Whatever.

I am finally living the life I want, and who I want to be. I’m not perfect. I’m simply doing my best and being open to what life presents me. With these five words, this post is over 500! Good enough!

Victory!

Trying Something New

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I’m trying a new approach to blogging

I’ve gotten into this groove with blogging and I haven’t had as much fun with it for a while. Recently I went and read posts from the past few months and noticed a pattern. What I’ve been posting has been serious and introspective. Which are good traits to have… It’s good to reflect on yourself and your life. It’s good to check in and ask how you are doing and get feedback from others. The problem is that I haven’t had as much fun with writing.

Which I do as both a person with autism and ADHD. I hyperfocus. I obsess about problems or things that become special interests, and I want to solve them and master them. I enjoyed writing that essay for the Seattle Times. The whole experience was great. That was a different kind of fun. What I want now is to creatively experiment.

Creative experiment

What I mean by a “creative experiment” is to try new things. Write about other topics than myself. I haven’t written fiction in a long time. I haven’t written recipe posts in a long time. I haven’t written much about issues I care about.

So, I’m going to mix in posts that take more time to write. So, I’m figuring out how to open more time to write. Because longer or different writing style posts take longer for me to complete than those about my life. I’ll still be doing those. I’m simply filling different unmet creative needs.

Misc thoughts

The process of writing the mental health essay made me realize how much I need to improve as a writer.

My biggest obstacle is time management, recognizing when I can write, and writing while working a full-time job. It’s hard to write when I’m so burnt out on the weekends and feel brain dead. It’s hard to not want to watch tv or browse online to relax.

It’s hard to write when I’m feeling wiped out due to Long Covid. I still have one or more days where I don’t want to go to work because of physical exhaustion and inflammation… Even though it’s a normal work day, and I haven’t done anything to feel tired. On those days, I typically crash when I get home.

So, I’ll have a new post tomorrow sometime. I’m writing this in my car as I clocked out 15 minutes ago. It’s not an ideal location to write as it’s hot.

So… Yeah.

Dream Job

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Where to buy on amazon

Icebreaker

Back in February, before covid, I hosted a board game night at my house with friends. It was a regular thing we did every two weeks or so where we would play table top board games such as cards against humanity, or Raiders of the North Sea. I bought this deck for a future game night. Long story short, we had one more in person game night before April. I’ve only seen them in person once since all year.

The Icebreaker card deck is 150 unique questions in 6 different color coded categories to “break the ice” and get to know people.

Example: I pick out a card at random and it says: “If you could write a book, what would it be about?”

Answer: I’ve attempted to write two different books before. Both fantasy. Neither is finished. One is an epic fantasy where an unwilling drug addict gets addictive magic powers. The other is about 3 old hens raised in the city that stop laying eggs and are sent to a retirement farm… Things go wrong and they have to adapt to “The real world”. Someday I want to finish both. One of my reasons to start blogging was to publish these stories one chapter at a time, while improving the other skills needed for modern novelists such as social media marketing, building an audience, creating a writing routine with a deadline, and improving my writing skills. I’m not going to promise anything about posting those stories yet… But as I write this post, it is something I want to go back to. I feel that it wouldn’t be worth it unless I had a complete first draft done. That way I could guarantee a certain number of posts. Both have structure issues. Professional grade novel writing is tough because the average word count for a fantasy novel is between 50,000 – 150,000 words. So a good rule of thumb is to double or triple the amount of words you will need to write after multiple draft revisions. Writing novels is full time work, ruthlessly competitive, and doesn’t pay well for years. Anyway one step at a time.

Going back and reading your old stuff feels like this:

What’s your dream job if money didn’t matter?

My dream job is money didn’t matter? Writing. Some combination of blogging and novel writing. My favorite genres are Fantasy and Sci-Fi. During this extended unemployment in the pandemic, I’ve been living this life. Writing first called to me around 2012 because I felt like I ran out of anime shows I wanted to watch. I wanted to write one myself. I attempted multiple times to learn to draw, but don’t have the patience to master it, so I focused on writing. For a while now, writing has been a passion hobby. I’m worried about doing it full time for money because it’s something I enjoy. I made the mistake of making an interest into a career — cooking in restaurants, and resenting it after year of doing it professionally. This is why I haven’t done many recipe blog posts because that stirs up those feelings.

Thanks to living a hermit lifestyle due to social anxiety and undiagnosed functional autism, I’ve watched 159.92 total days of anime. I don’t regret that time. I went to work, but didn’t have much of a social life. I’m okay with having a few good friends as an introvert. But those stretches of time were pretty unhealthy looking back. I did the best I could to cope with my mental health problems with the lack of consistent help from therapists. This year has been strange because I am comfortable in the antisocial hermit lifestyle, but I also don’t want to live that life anymore. Thank goodness that is in the past. At the very least, it seems an end date is approaching for the pandemic late next year.

What I thought I needed to be creative

All play and no work makes me a dull boy! Seriously I need an external place to do work and a social life to function.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! We got a long way to go before everyone is vaccinated.

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Adjusting Boundaries Outside-In ☯️

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The chicken coop boundaries.

Boundaries:

Examples of how to set boundaries: http://www.recoveryeducationnetwork.org/uploads/9/6/6/3/96633012/boundary_setting_tips__1_.pdf

“What is a boundary?

A boundary is an invisible line you draw around yourself to identify what is acceptable behavior, and what is unacceptable behavior. The beauty of boundaries is that they are fluid and ever-evolving; for example, looser limits around extending yourself to others is easier when you’re younger and childless. As you age and gain insight, you’ll get a quicker read on energy vampires and narcissists.

Some people love boundaries because they represent structure, order, and rules. Others see limits as an unyielding set of laws where there are no gray areas, only black and white. A critical part of a healthy psyche is deciding on the right tension for your life. Psychological distress results from overly rigid or overly loose limits.“

From psychologytoday.com Source

External boundaries:

My first relationship with my girlfriend is going well.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, it’s a long distance relationship.

I’m waiting for her response to my last text. I communicated my needs to her.

I need communication, clarity, and feedback for a healthy relationship.

So far, so good. We’ve accepted each other’s boundaries so far. I hope this goes well.

After this, time to setup a distance with mask date!

Online interaction only goes so far… And I need in person quality time.

Trust but verify.

Trust yourself.

Believe in the best.

Be yourself.

You got this.

I don’t want a long distance relationship.

I wonder that I’m a fool in love? Guess that’s what people mean when they say being in love makes you crazy.

I rather not wait until we get the covid vaccine. Is this too fast for a new relationship? Like, you want to see each other at least once a week right? Ah the joys of exploring a new love while getting to know each other.

Damn you Covid-19… I finally meet my first girlfriend and it’s not safe to visit.

It’s the right thing to do- to stay at home- but, man this is torture. I’m tired of being patient.

I hope I’m not clingy.

I hope I’m not oversharing…

Learning on the fly.

Internal Boundaries

Today I went back and edited a couple months of blog posts. I’ve been really bad about editing posts lately. A combination of little details such as adding a separation bar for clarity, adding the end slate with an email subscriber box, section headers to help search results, and adding tags/categories.

I’m finding my writers legs. It’s a tough balance. If I want to continue growing as a writer, and as a blogger, the next step to growth is to improve my revision and editing skills. Writing is rewriting. I can’t achieve goals without being aware of the quality of work I’ve done. These days I have all the time in the world. I feel like I’m trapped in a pandemic hamster wheel.

I feel ashamed of how lazy I’ve been. My days are turning into: wake up around 9am, shower, dress, eat, sit down at my PC and be on the computer/phone all day. Weekdays I’m limited to about 4 hours for seeking work. There’s only so many job openings and cover letters I can send before I run out. One day a week, I’ve had further job help with a job councilor through Sound Mental Health, where I get help for my issues. The rest of the day is a mix of watching futurama or forensic files for the 6th time because it’s soothing. My other activities are on the computer too, either relationship videos on YouTube, or audiobooks on Audible. It’s been this way for months. I wish I could go to places for activities. I exercise better with people in classes or sports.

Ugh, I hate being bored, but too exhausted from the pandemic blues to better myself.

I need to make a small adjustment to my daily routine.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Hands on the keyboard

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It's all been written before, thought before, said before. So just write.

It’s all been written before, thought before, said before. So just write.

Why write? Because you haven’t done it before.

Yes, the first draft will suck. No human knew how to walk at birth. How to do much of anything. To write is no different.

I worry my prose isn’t good enough. That I have to be perfect on the first try. But so does everyone who does creative stuff. So just write.

It’s 855pm, and I’m coming up with this post in real time. Throwing caution to the wind. Grinding each word out as it comes to mind.

That’s what any marathon is… One step at a time. So just write.

Why write? Because I enjoy it. Because I haven’t happened to write these combination of words before.

I dream of being a master story teller one day. So just write.

The right time is right now.

It’s not perfect, and that’s okay.

So just write.

If you don’t like it, edit it. Rewrite.

So just write.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

A cover letter from my last job

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Coconut the Siamese kitten, sleeping in my lap all twisty!
I wish I could sleep like Coco does!

This past week was very busy, with some major struggles with depression. I had a wonderful surprise conversation with My aunt on Tuesday that lifted my spirits. It felt good to laugh at silliness. At it’s worst, I reached out to the crisis text line and the person who chatted with me helped me out on Wednesday. It was the first time I’ve ever used that service, and I recommend it. It’s been about a month on my new dose of antidepressants and I feel my body getting used to it.

I had a job interview over zoom –my first one like that– and I felt confident, and at ease during it. I prepared before it by doing a mixture of three different meditations, and it was just what I needed. I hope I get hired! In addition to that, I had a call for a job interview on Monday with a different company!

I struggled to write this post this week, and decided 10 minutes ago at 7:28pm to just do the best I can. I haven’t been sleeping well this week, and woke up much earlier than usual because I had a nightmare. I’ve been tired the whole day. Not able to focus on anything, or do stuff I usually enjoy. I tried to nap, but couldn’t. So, I embraced the exhaustion and let myself be tired. Let myself do nothing. It doesn’t feel like growth, but part of growth is allowing your tired muscles or brain to heal from use. Self care, and therapy is exercise for your brain. And it’s telling me today to rest. So I will.

I went through my old writing in my google docs searching for something to fill the blog post with, and discovered the cover letter for my old job. I worked there for 14 months until the company closed in January. I feel this cover letter is one of the best things I’ve ever written, and it’s a shame that so few people in the world have seen it.

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing in regards to your open Cannabis Production position.  I would be a good fit for this position based on my previous experience working in restaurant kitchens, and as a delivery driver. All of my previous experience required fine attention to detail — Such as slicing 10 pounds of cabbage into eighth inch slices for coleslaw, or carefully backing into a narrow downtown Seattle alley in a box truck commercial vehicle (when you have literal inches on each side to maneuver with). I also have gardening experience from assisting my mother every spring with her gardening hobby. 

My resume is attached to this email. I am 32, a US citizen, with an Associates degree in Culinary Arts, and have an inactive Commercial License. I’m used to the working conditions described in the Craigslist post.

Thank you,

(My name)

Mindfulness of Breathing; Guided Meditation with Dr. Miles Neale from Spotify
Guided Meditation: Focus pt1 – Voice only
Guided Meditation: Focus pt2 – Voice only

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Six months blogging!

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From the hike at my Rainier in August.

6 months blogging!

It’s been 6 months since I started this blog in March! The anniversary was last Sunday, but my dear Grandfather passed last week. It felt wrong not to honor him in a post. It’s still hard to believe that he’s gone…

Grief is a difficult thing to deal with, and it comes in waves. I’m sad. I’m grateful and happy to have known such a wonderful human. That I had an example of what a good man, a great human. I strive to be as good a man as he was. The hardest part about this loss is that its dangerous to visit family due to the threat of covid-19. Visiting online through Facebook and zoom helps… But it’s not the same. I really wish I could visit family, and give hugs. 2020 has been a long year.

It’s important to celebrate the little things… To acknowledge the steps forward I’ve worked hard for. Despite this unusual year, there have been good things that have happened. More after the pictures.

Posts to date and stats:

Here are some stats for the blog so far.

I feel like I have grown alongside this blog. This next section is about life this past month, and goals for the future. Healthy self esteem is giving credit to your growth.

Personal growth this year:

  • Restarted therapy despite years of struggling to find the help I’ve wanted, and finally got it! I’m growing every day.
  • Finally found an antidepressant that works!
  • Made a bunch of new friends from coworkers from my last job. I haven’t been able to visit much in person with them this year. I want to in the future. All of us were laid off when the company closed on Jan 31st out of the blue.
  • Reconnected with family.
  • Learned about self love, and self care. How to take care of myself. How to assert myself, continue practising communicating my needs. Continue practicing boundaries.
  • Started a meditation practice.
  • Started exercising on a regular basis again.
  • Started a blog.
  • Practicing gratitude and appreciation for the good things in life.
  • Restarted therapy, and being fully committed and engaged in the process.
  • Practicing Forgiving myself when I feel depressed or anxious.
  • Continued practicing being assertive and speaking up for myself.
  • Committing to being the best possible version of myself.
  • Fighting with depression when it lies to me.
  • Being independent for myself.
  • Learning mindfulness and practicing it.
  • Learning to listen to others, and not interrupt when they are talking.
  • Sorting through old unhealthy thoughts and patterns and deciding whether they serve me now, and the future.
  • Saying thank you.
  • Learning how to apologize.
  • Hanging out with friends before the pandemic happened.
  • Respecting other peoples needs and boundaries.
  • Admitting when I have made a mistake.
  • Being accountable for myself.
  • Quit drinking for good! I don’t miss consuming it. 7 months since I stopped!
  • Reduced my cannabis consumption from 4 bowls/2 dabs to one bowl maybe once or twice a week!
  • Started reading books again.
  • Being comfortable expressing my feelings.
  • Rebuilding validation from within instead of from others.
Pciture of Seward Park in Seattle.
How it the blog started!

Goals for the next 6 months:

Note: all of these things will depend on how the Covid-19 pandemic lasts.

  • Get a car. Hopefully something from the past 10 years. The last two cars I’ve owned/shared have been over 15 years old and were constantly in the auto shop for repairs. The cars were a 2000 Volvo s40, and a 2005 Dodge avenger. I spent several times more than what I paid for them in repair costs, and both had awful MPG. I have some savings, so once I get a job I can buy a car. I’ll do what I have to, to get to work… Be it Uber or public transportation for a little while more.
  • Get a job. I had an interview this week, so that is a good sign!
  • Move out. I’ve lived in the same house my entire life, and I’ve wanted to move out for years. I haven’t been able to until now because my mental health. I finally have it managed after 12 long years.
  • Keep blogging. I don’t know my long term goal for the blog. For now I want to keep growing and have each post get more traffic and comments than the last. Right now, I love talking to other bloggers in the comments, and reading their blogs.
  • Keep writing.
  • I want to go back to college and pursue a new career and degree.
  • I do not want to continue working minimum wage jobs the rest of my life. What worked for the past doesn’t line up with my future.
  • Hang out with friends, and make new friends. Hang out in person.
  • I didn’t think it was possible, but I am over my friends-breakup from earlier this year! I am ready to date again! I learned so much from this failure that I am a better person today.
  • I want to date, and have a girlfriend.
  • I want to visit with family.
  • I want to love, and be loved.
  • I want a healthy relationship where I can be support my partner and take care of myself. To have healthy boundaries and clear communication.
  • Continue working through my issues in therapy.
  • Once the pandemic is over, parties for friends and family.

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything. But I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do, interfere with what I can do.” -Edward Everett Hale.

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/edward_everett_hale_393297

Music of the post:

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kitten blocked

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I’m fighting for my writing journal and pen as I write this. My kitten, Coconut, born June 13th is attacking my arms, my hands, and the journal/pen. She wants to play. She is nipping my fingers. Chewing on the corners of the page. I’m holding her up as she wiggles in my left hand, chewing on my fingertips. She is half on the journal and half in my hand in a curled ball. I’m the toy. Coconut, or “Coco” for short, is a Siamese kitten with white and grey fur. Blue eyes, grey ears and grey-black tail. in this zoom group she hasn’t been still. She’s been exploring my desk… Walking in front of my webcam and watching the pc screen with intent interest.
I’m having trouble writing because she is lying on the page, like it’s a new bed perched on my office chair armrest. She is entranced with the moving pen as I write this.

Just now

I am physically blocked from writing more. 5 minutes pass. Coco has settled onto my lap, purring. Gazing lovingly up at me, purring. She closes her eyes and takes a nap. I’m free to write again. The joy of having a kitten.

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