Category Archives: Cooking

Canna Butter Get a Break?

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Picture of a large bag of legal weed. Eyes drawn on a hole in the bag making a funny face.
I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Cannabutter (or in this case, since I have a dairy sensitivity and will be using non dairy Margarine, CannaMargarine… Marijuanagarine… Ganjagarine?). 🤷

This is a post about cannabis-infused butter… Aka: weed, kaya, ganja, or the slur “marijuana”.

Hi, my name is Reilly, and I have a college degree from a cooking school (an AAS) and five years of experience working in the restaurant industry. I have worked in the cannabis industry for 2+ years. Cannabutter (A compound word of cannabis and butter), also known as a cannabis compound butter, is a crucial recipe to master for edibles and as a sauce for food. While you could use this as a traditional compound butter, I wouldn’t recommend it since I don’t care for the taste of decarbed weed. More on that term later. Cannabutter is far more effective than the flavor since cooking evaporates the terpenes (the tasty and aromatic compounds) in the cannabis.

In this recipe, I will substitute Earthbound brand Vegetable Oil Spread instead of butter because I am dairy sensitive. This product is vegan and a good 1-to-1 substitute for butter, in my experience. (I am not being sponsored by this brand. I wish I were…)

Song of the post: Mary Jane by Rick James

Washington state Retail cannabis warning label: There may be health risks associated with consumption of this product. Should not be used by women that are pregnant or breast feeding. For use only by adults twenty-one and older. Keep out of reach of children. Cannabis can impair concentration, coordination, and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under the influence of this drug. Warning: this product has intoxicating effects and may be habit forming. Smoking is hazardous to your health.
Source

This recipe is for adults of legal consumption age, age 21 here in Washington State USA. The information in this recipe is informational only for places where Cannabis isn’t legal.

Cannabutter

  • 16 oz Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks
  • 16 oz water
  • 28 grams cannabis (my guess, scale broke.)

Total recipe cooking time: 130 minutes.

Cooling time: on counter– 1 hour. In fridge, about 6 hours or overnight.

Equipment

  • 1 baking sheet.
  • Parchment paper for your baking sheet.
  • 1 large saucepan.
  • Optional: 1-liter French press.
  • 1 8×8 glass 2-quart pyrex baking dish.
  • 1 spatula.
  • 1 thermometer.
  • 1 oven/stovetop.
  • 1 refrigerator.
  • 4 cup fine mesh strainer.

TLDR: a blog post instructions:

(Aka Too long didn’t read)

  • Step 1: Grind or breakdown your cannabis into small pieces, no bigger than a pea. Spread it evenly on a parchment covered baking sheet.
  • Step 2: Bake in a 240 degree Fahrenheit oven for 40 minutes. It should be a golden brown color with a strong cannabis aroma. Put aside for a moment.
  • Step 3: Measure 2 cups water into a sauce pan and put it on the stove on medium low. Add your butter and let it completely melt. Be sure to not allow this to go over 220 degrees Fahrenheit. Check temperature with a thermometer.
  • Step 4: Scrape the baked cannabis into the butter mixture and stir gently with a spatula to be sure the cannabis is mixed in.
  • Step 5: Simmer on medium low for 90 minutes, coming back every 20 minutes or so to check the temperature and to stir the mixture.
  • Step 6: Pour and strain mixture into a pyrex glass pan. Ideally you want as little solid material as possible. Allow to cool to room temperature before putting in the fridge overnight to cool.
  • Step 7: Remove the solid top layer of Cannabutter from the pyrex pan, and discard the liquid below the fat.
  • Step 8: Store for later use by putting it in the fridge, or use right away!

Consume Responsibly.

Extended version of recipe, SEO friendly with commentary:

Since my kitchen scale chose today to break… I am not sure how much weed is in this bowl.

A 1 cup glass bowl of various cannabis buds. From a horizontal perspective.

My guess is about a 14 to 28 grams. This bowl usually holds about a cup of dried cereal or liquid. And this is a mix of several cannabis strains. (Which is proof that I have really cut down on my weed consumption.)

Step 1 and 2: Grind and bake your cannabis.

To begin, we will be baking our cannabis to convert the THCA to THC by roasting it in the oven at 240 F for 40 minutes.

This is a necessary step to activate our cannabis. The key is to slowly roast the ground cannabis to golden brown. We do so with a lower temperature, 240 degrees Fahrenheit, for 40 minutes.

In scientific terms, this is called decarboxylation.

Decarboxylation is a chemical reaction that removes a carboxyl group and releases carbon dioxide (CO2). Usually, decarboxylation refers to a reaction of carboxylic acids, removing a carbon atom from a carbon chain. The reverse process, which is the first chemical step in photosynthesis, is called carboxylation, the addition of CO2 to a compound. Enzymes that catalyze decarboxylations are called decarboxylases or, the more formal term, carboxy-lyases (EC number 4.1.1).

Source
Cannabis ground into small pieces. To be Decarboxylated by baking in a 240 degree Fahrenheit oven.
Before baking
Cannabis ground into small pieces. This is after baking for 40 minutes at 240 degrees Fahrenheit.
After baking

Add the activated cannabis buds to the butter on the stove top.

Next, we will be adding the activated cannabis from the sheet pan to the saucepan on the stove top. Turn the heat to a low simmer. The ideal temperature is a simmer, which is 190 F to 210 F.

Step 3: Simmer on low for 90 minutes.

1 pound or 4 sticks of Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks in a sauce pan melting in 16oz water.
1 pound Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks in 16oz water
Melted Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks in 16oz water
Melted Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks in 16oz water
Activated cannabis in Melted Earth Bound Vegan Buttery Sticks.
A picture of the activated cannabis in the “butter”
This is what your finished cannabutter will look like.
This is what your finished cannabutter will look like after 90 minutes simmering.
The steps of simmering the baked cannabis and butter.

Step 4: Strain? Cool. Then Netflix and Chill

Picture 1 of 2 of Cannabutter before it is strained of solids through a French Press.
Most recipes call to use cheesecloth. I got the idea to use my French press instead .
Picture 2 of 2, of Cannabutter before it is strained of solids through a French Press.
Couldn’t fit all the cannabutter liquid in one run.
Just for good measure to get all of the solids out, use a fine mesh strainer.
Picture of strained cannabis solids in a fine mesh strainer.
This is why you double strain.
Top down photo of the strained cannabutter in a glass pyrex pan.
Top down photo of the strained cannabutter
Side view photo of the strained cannabutter in a glass pyrex pan on my kitchen counter.
Side view photo of the strained cannabutter

This long trip is almost over. Now, we will be straining the solids from the butter and allowing it to cool. This will take an hour to cool on your counter to reach room temperature. After that a couple more hours before the fats solidify and we separate that to have our finished cannabutter.

Note: you don’t want to save any of the strained cannabis solids. It tastes awful, and all of the desired psychoactive compounds have been absorbed by the butter fats after all this cooking. Don’t feel bad about throwing it away in your food waste.

The final products, rolled into a log wrapped in plastic, stored in a zip lock bag.

Step 420: Get Baked.

Finally the trip you’ve been patiently waiting for. You can use this Cannabutter as the fat or butter in any cooking recipe, though I recommend using it in baked goods or something with a dominant flavor because this does have its own flavor.

Which is someplace between spent matcha tea and asparagus. Edit a month after I first wrote this: it made me gag trying to eat it straight up. It’s acceptable in edibles, and not too bad added to a strong flavored tea or coffee.

Warning: Whenever consuming edibles, be patient and wait 1-2 hours between doses. 1 dose may last several hours. Consume responsibly.

Close Encounters of the Good Eats kind.

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Picture of Alton Brown, and the Good Eats logo.
All rights to the original copyright holder. Source

Since this is a long post with several videos, I decided to Add a table of Contents.

Table of Contents

  1. Table of Contents
  2. A fan blog post to Alton Brown
  3. Celebrity and Fanatics
  4. That Wednesday
  5. Past (book signing) Encounters
  6. Arrival, with an Ice cream Sandwich
  7. Anticipating the encounter while waiting in line…
  8. The Chef at the End of the Universe Line

A fan blog post to Alton Brown

(I really should have taken more pictures when I went… This is what happens when you want to live in the moment, then decide later that the experience would make a good blog post. Hashtag blogger life. 😅😑)

At the end of April, one of my heroes, Alton Brown was in town for a book signing. A TV Chef and cooking celebrity, known for years of the TV show Good Eats published a new book, and there was no way I was going to miss out. I’ve been a huge fan since my cooking awakening junior year in high school when my mom opened a bakery with a (former) friend. This lit the burner of my desire to become a Chef. To go to cooking school after high school. I got my degree and cooked professionally for a long time… But as Alton Brown would say often in Good Eats, that’s a topic for another episode (blog post).

Alton Brown was the first Chef, the first teacher of cooking that explained the science of cooking in a clear, easy-to-understand, and fun way. Though I went to cooking school myself, and have restaurant industry experience, Alton Brown opened my eyes to the science of cooking. It helped that I could relate to him as a nerdy white guy myself. Or like that older male cousin whose starting the next phase of life ahead of you, who you admire for being so wise. (Hmmm. I’m that man now 😅🥲🤷. Oof, Lol.)

I watched every episode of the first batch of Good Eats on the Food Network, have a couple of books, and search to see if he has a recipe online when cooking something new. (I’m behind on the second series/the return of Good Eats.) I did watch the food competition shows he hosted for a bit but lost interest in that genre of shows, just not my thing.

Celebrity and Fanatics

I am not a celebrity person. I don’t care about fame, celebrity worship/obsession, or famous people. Celebrity worship disgusts me. Up to this point, the closest encounter I had with a celebrity was when I was on vacation with my family in Italy.

My family saw “Elton John” walking down the street in Italy… I don’t remember where we were since it was in 2006. We saw him in full costume. A purple suit, the iconic glasses, rhinestones, and peacock feathers walking down the middle of the street in a tourist area. We stopped as he walked by and did a double take. Another tourist said: Was that Elton John?

Elton John in a purple suit.
Something like this. (source)

The person was likely an Elton John impersonator… Because I doubt Elton John walks down a busy street in full costume in Italy with no apparent security. So, a fun memory. Probably not the real person.

Ironically, comedian Roy Williams Jr has a hilarious story similar to this about Rod Stewart. Called: “The “real” Rod Stewart.” (It’s stand up comedy, so not safe for work)

That Wednesday

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from the pandemic and the past 3 years, is that you might not have another opportunity. That person might die tomorrow, they might not be the same person you knew, and that chance might slip away.

All you have is this present moment. So, when you have an opportunity to do something meaningful that’s reasonable, do it. I don’t want regrets haunting me again over what could have been.

When something comes up that I want to do, I remember how it feels to miss out. I go an do it.

I do it.

In this situation, I saw an article on Facebook that Alton Brown would be in town, for a Good Eats book signing, likely the last Good Eats book, I bought tickets immediately. 1 day ahead of time at a Williams Sonoma store in town.

The timing of this event couldn’t be better. I was stuck at home, recovering from the Moderna booster, and feeling depressed and lonely. Why?

Past (book signing) Encounters

I didn’t remember until writing this, that I’ve been to autograph events before. It’s been a long time between each. Those three were for autographed memorabilia from Seattle Mariners baseball players. One of which was a book, signed by Alex Rodriguez, a star player for us in the 90s. A-Rod later admitted he used Steroids. Between that, him going to the New York Yankees, and starting the multi-million salaries trend for athletes… I’m not sure how I feel about having that book. It’s a weird feeling. I digress.

Arrival, with an Ice cream Sandwich

The event was scheduled in the evening right at rush hour. Which for that part of town, for the Williams Sonoma store that hosted the event, has awful stop-and-go traffic. I left an hour early to beat traffic, and to beat the autograph traffic line.

The Williams Sonoma store for the event is located in a bougie (aka upscale) shopping center within walking distance to the University of Washington campus. These places aren’t somewhere I go. It’s not my scene.

I decided to get something to eat there since it had so many niche eateries, and to take in the alien surroundings of stores I’d never shop at near Williams Sonoma. I found a map and decided on an ice cream sandwich shop that used a variety of cookies/ice cream flavors for the combo. It’s called Hello Robin. The ice cream they use is from a local chain called Molly Moon. I chose chocolate chip cookies as the “bread” and chocolate-covered strawberry ice cream as the filling. Both were good. The cookie’s texture was just firm enough to bite through, and have a bit of crunch for a variety of textures, and the ice cream flavors each stood out to compliment, but not overwhelm.

Gif of making an ice cream sandwich.

Anticipating the encounter while waiting in line…

People waiting in line, old photo in black and white.
Was something like this, except the direction reversed. I was on the far left. All in all, the wait wasn’t too bad. Source

I felt fine until the line got to the store entrance, where a Williams Sonoma store employee was keeping count of how many people were in the store for covid safety. About 80-100 people in line inside the store, from the electronic kitchen appliances, along the north side of store 3 sections, to the center of the store… Where Alton Brown stood at a standing desk. As the line moved 1 person forward every 30 to 60 seconds, my anxiety and/or excitement grew.

The wait wasn’t too long, all in all, I stood in line for about 20 minutes. As the line progressed closer, I rehearsed what I was going to say.

I had something else planned for this section, about what I was thinking in line as I approached, but I forgot since I wasn’t committed to a blog post for this experience at the time in April. So… in a nod to the title, I think that this famous clip from the movie Close Encounters of the third kind, when humans are attempting to communicate with the Alien spaceship will be a good metaphor for how I feel to approach a celebrity you admire when you are starstruck:

The Chef at the End of the Universe Line

I reach the end of the line, and there he is. Chef Alton Brown dressed up like he is on Chopped or Iron Chef America. Out of nervous habit, I lock my phone. Not what you want to do when an employee from the Williams Sonoma store is taking pictures for you with your phone. Pictures? Hell. Yes.

I was content with meeting him with his new cookbook.

I was shaking because I was so excited, that I messed up my password. Reentered, and walked three places. And…. There he was 3 feet away. Behind a standing table. He’s a real person.

I froze.

I handed him my copy of his book and stared in awe at him. If I wasn’t wearing a kn95 mask, my open mouth would be open.

He asked if the name in the book was me, and signed my book.

“That’s me!…” I said.

Me and Alton Brown at the book signing. 1
Me and Alton Brown at the book signing. 2
Me and Alton Brown at the book signing. 3
Me and Alton Brown at the book signing. 4
Me and Alton Brown at the book signing. 5

“I hope you find it useful.” Alton Brown said.

Thanks Chef! I said. Turned and walked out. As soon as I turned I knew it was too late. I froze. Damnit. Sigh. lol… Oh well. I still loved the experience, even though it wasn’t what I expected.

I got lost trying to find the way back to my car. I tried taking the same stairs back up, but the door was locked. After getting further lost, I walked another quarter mile in the service hallways for stores. Then, found the escalators up, which were out of service. Thankfully the elevators worked. Which I got off on the wrong floor, one level down. I eventually found my car and drove home. It’s funny now, but I can laugh about that strange ending. Come on dude, you’re 36. Adults don’t get lost in malls. I followed that classic odd mall map and still had trouble. Lol.

The interesting hoodie I wore by Lunafide was a birthday present I bought for myself, and was the first time I’d worn it. I love it because it’s in my natural clothes color range, yet so wild and unlike my typical style of solid color clothes. I think I might’ve thrown Mr. Brown for a loop with it.

Signed copy of book: Good Eats the final years
Sweet!

Plot twist: I’m the alien!

Thanks for reading! Have you had an encounter with a celebrity or had a book signed by one before? If you enjoyed this post, please comment below and subscribe. I’m setting a goal to blog more often, dependent on my health.

Copyright © Reilly Anderson 2022.

Lazy Pizza

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Picture of hot pizza, bread pizza

For whenever you want pizza, but don’t have time or the energy to make sauce or crust. It’s still tastes great!

Lazy Pizza

Cooking time: 30 minutes.

4 servings

  • 1 loaf of nice bread. In this recipe I use garlic bread
  • 1 jar tomato sauce
  • 1/4 cup minced garlic
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 4 sprigs fresh rosemary
  • 1 can sliced olives
  • 1 can sliced mushrooms
  • 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese (minimum, I like cheese)
  • Half jar sundried tomatoes
  • Salt
  • Ground black pepper

The key ingredients in this recipe are: The bread, the sauce, and the cheese. Everything else in this is toppings.

Essential garlic bread. A great brand to use for this recipe. I like to buy 3 and freeze them. 1 can of tomato sauce contains about 3 recipes worth

Step 1: bake your bread.

Note, this is only necessary if using a “take and bake”. Skip if using regular bread. You want your bread to have a large surface for toppings.

Step 2: Toppings

Canned sliced mushrooms, canned sliced olives, jar of sundried tomatoes.
Canned goods ready to go.

This recipe uses (canned) garlic, and fresh rosemary, so you want to cook them first.

How to prepare rosemary. The stem isn’t tasty, and only breaks down with long cooking. Therefore you only want to eat the leaves.

Remove the rosemary leaves by pinching, and slide fingers down. Discard stems.

Add the garlic, olive oil, and rosemary to a small pan. Finish with pinch of salt and a couple grinds black pepper. Simmer on low for 7 minutes. The last photo is what to look for. Drain the cooking oil, and set aside. This is now an infused oil.

Step 3: Assemble

Cut bread in half (if using unsliced bread). Spread tomato sauce in an even layer.

  • 1, without sauce
  • 2, half sauced
  • 3, complete.

Add the cooked garlic and rosemary on top of the sauce layer. Spread evenly. I add this now to ensure consistent flavor.

Add half the cheese, then one at a time layer the olives, mushrooms, and sundried tomatoes to the tomato sauce bread.

Add half the cheese, then one at a time layer the olives, mushrooms, and sundried tomatoes.

Add the rest of the cheese.

Step 4: bake at 375 F for 25 minutes

Or until the internal temperature is 165 degrees F when checked with a thermometer.

The finished pizza.

Allow to cool for 5 minutes… (The hardest part)

Thanks for reading! If you made this, tell me what you think!

Jamaican Jerk Pork in an oven

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Cooked Jamaican Jerk Pork in pyrex pan
This is after the pork cooled, and I forgot to take a picture before shredding it.

Jamaican Jerk Pork

Prep time 10 minutes.

Marinate for at least 1 day. I didn’t have time to wait another day this time, and it was still delicious.

Cooking time 90 minutes.

Jerk Marinade

  • 2.5 pounds pork shoulder

Marinade spices

  • 1/4 cup whole Allspice
  • 1T fresh thyme
  • 2T salt
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 2 T smoked paprika
  • 1 T black pepper

Add the allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, black pepper, smoked paprika, and salt into an electric grinder. Remove the thyme leaves from the stems. Toss the stems. Add thyme to grinder. Grind to a fine powder.

Picture of spices in grinder
Before grinding. I added the smoked paprika later in the wet ingredients
Picture of jerk spice mix
After grinding. This is the consistency you want for the jerk seasoning. This is without the smoked paprika.

Marinade liquids:

  • 1 cup apple cider vinegar
  • 1/3 cup minced garlic
  • 1/3 cup minced ginger
  • 1/4 cup habanero hot sauce.
  • *Further hot sauce to your spicy food tolerance. This recipe would be 3/5 stars at a restaurant*
Picture of wet spices for marinade
All 5 of these hot sauces combined to 1/4 cup. 4 of these had habanero pepper as it’s pepper.

Add all the liquids into a quart glass measuring cup, and add the ground spices. Mix together. Next, pour the marinade into a plastic Ziploc bag with the pork. Put that bag into a larger container to prevent spills or cross contamination. Marinate in the fridge for 24 hours minimum.

Jerk Marinade and pork.
Jamaican Jerk pork marinating in a ziplock bag
Jamaican Jerk pork in the marinade before it is cooked.


Pour the marinade and pork into the glass pan. The liquid marinade will reduce as this cooks.

Oven shot of Jamaican Jerk Pork, and baked root vegetables
I suggest moving the rack down one layer. I didn’t check before I turned the oven on. The bottom rack is a future recipe 😉

Turn oven down to 370 F for 60 minutes. Or until the internal temperature reaches 180F. Pork shoulder meat should easily pull apart with forks or melt apart when finished.

Picture of Jamaican Jerk chicken in a pyrex pan
This is after the pork cooled, and I forgot to take a picture before shredding it.

Allow to cool for 10 minutes before eating.

I am totally adding Jerk Pork to my favorites list. Apparently you can use these seasonings with most meat/proteins. Jerk seasonings are versatile.

I only wish I bought more than 2.5 pounds of pork. Oh well, I’ll have to cook it again! 😋

Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think in the comments! I’ve been meaning to post more recipes and I have 9 more left as a goal for October.

Whoops!

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This was the only result for "Whoops" in the pexel free photo feature in WordPress. Bird unrelated to post.
This was the only result for “Whoops” in the pexel free photo feature in WordPress. Bird unrelated to post.

I didn’t realize it’s been 11 days since the last post!

My bad! I didn’t intend for this to happen! Sorry!

Life is moving along, and I feel comfortable in this new life. Been in a loop of work, play, sleep, and visiting with cats… Repeat. I have had blogging at the back of my mind… Wondering if I should write about this or that… No, that doesn’t feel right yet, and so on. Hmm, Anxiety. I still haven’t set up or looking for a therapist, despite needing one, because I’ve been procrastinating about health insurance. I haven’t had any coverage for 40 days now. The problem is that my state health insurance finder website doesn’t accept payments, so I have to call the company during business hours to pay… Because I can’t do it on their website… Which I can’t do because they require a plan number before you can even sign up. Ugh.

I had inspiration from this comment:

Picture of a blog comment.
Hope this is okay to share!

Of course! I can write a recipe post! I haven’t had one in a long time, and it’s something I mentioned in

About Me

Therefore… I got an idea. I’ll do ten recipe posts for the rest of October!

Recipes (Boy, this sure is bare… Time to restock the cupboard!)

Finally a blogging/writing goal that inspires me! I’ll do some usual “Life check-ins with the word” posts sprinkled between. (or maybe another form of self torture…. )

I’ve been in a cooking mood again since I took that break. One of my goals is to eat better; another is to cut my expenses since I’ve gone out too often for lunch in the past three months at my job. I’m apparently in the top tier of weed trimmers at work, and though I haven’t had a review yet, I’ve gotten lots of positive feedback from my boss, and new employees come to me for tips.

The recipes…

So tomorrow, I’ll post the first of three recipes. I cook everything first before I post. I haven’t made the first two recipes before. They will be my meals for dinner/lunch, probably for the next week.

First up: Jamaican Jerk Pork…

Picture of an oven with a pan of simmering Jerk Pork, and 2 other glass pans with chopped root vegetables. All roasting at 450 F
Cooking in the oven right now! (Well, it’ll likely be done by the time you read this 😅) Also pictured, a future recipe: Roasted root vegetables with herbs.

This is the first time to my knowledge that I’ve made Jamaican Jerk Pork Shoulder before. I didn’t buy scotch bonnet peppers because I had several bottles of spicy hot sauce in the cupboard, all with a little bit in each container. I can’t eat much spicy food these days as it burns all the way through, but I believe that I made this hot enough, like Jerk spice seasoning is known for. As I type this at 6:33 pm PST, I hope this turns out delicious!

Thanks for reading! I’m thankful you still follow, even though I’ve been flaky.

2 minute melted marshmallows with Heath bits topping bowl

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2 minute melted marshmallows with Heath bar toffee bits.

Ingredients:

9 large marshmallows;

1/3 cup Heath bar toffee bits.

Microwaveable bowl

Instructions:

Place 9 marshmallows in a microwaveable bowl.

Microwave on high for 25-30 seconds.

You want them to double in size like a fluffy white cloud.

Pour the 1/4 cup of Heath bar bits, and enjoy! I recommend using a spoon.

It’s a gooey, sexy dessert. The joy of eating melted warm marshmallows! 😋

Comfort Eating…

I’ve been turning to food for comfort lately. So much has changed recently. I didn’t realize how much stress I was under until I talked to a nurse after she told me my covid test was negative. I’m in utter shock how much I’ve changed since a year ago. I feel like I have entered a new, wonderful era of my life. I’m worried because I’m trying to be mindful and accept all these positive feelings of love, and to stay realistic. Holy shit I have a girlfriend. She likes me as much as I like her. She want to see me as much as I do her. Both of us wary of coronavirus. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Being apart from my girl is torture. The vaccine can’t arrive soon enough… Never thought love would feel so good. Finally its the right time, the right person, the right me. Wow!

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Anthony Bourdain: Chef, Writer, TV travel show host. A role model.

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Anthony Bourdain smoking a cigarette from the No reservations era.
Image credit: Here

               

Here is what I wrote about Anthony Bourdain on June 8th, 2018 in a journal entry: Another person I idolized was found dead by his own doing.  Anthony Bourdain, dead at age 61. Bourdain joins Robin Williams, and Chester Bennington as cultural icons that I admired… All dead from suicide. Despite seeming to have it all, none could continue living. Depression makes it seem like it will never go away. Like there is no point to life. Maybe there isn’t, but when in the darkness, you feel the weight of its nothingness. Welcome to the suicide generation…

I tried to write a post on June 8th this year, but couldn’t. Instead I turned to cooking for comfort. I turned my horror at the world that week into a present for a friend. (Which she said was exactly what she was craving… Really chocolatey brownies) Anthony Bourdain ended his life by suicide. A tragedy as suicide always is. I’d rather celebrate his life, his birthday, today June 25th. While alive he taught me through his travel shows how to cook dishes from around the world, and showed me what a big world we live in. To be honest, I haven’t yet read Kitchen Confidential, the book he is most known for, (I finally bought it last night on Audible!)  and which gave him a second career in his 40s. 

He opened my eyes to the world through food. He was no nonsense, tell it like it is, not afraid to swear, adventurous, and compassionate. He could sit down, eat, and talk with anyone from former president Barack Obama to rock stars, to local people in any country.  It’s been two years since he died, and this year is the first time I’m not sad by his death. He was a role model to me. A model of how to be a good human being, a good man, an example that you can be successful from nothing later in life. Him dying, and from suicide hit especially hard because I struggle with depression, and had close calls with suicide before. I hope his tragic death was a wake up call to others who looked up to him, who also struggled with depression and suicide. 

To my friends and family that read this blog: It’s hard to admit I have been suicidal before. It’s not something I wish anyone to feel. Depression is hell. Yet many people struggle with it in silence. I’m feeling like I fit in with the world for the first time in a long time, right now in quarantine, which is strange. All the feelings others are experiencing now… The fear of dying, the paranoia, the fear of the unknown future, feeling confined, trapped, lonely, anger, frustration, and despair is what it feels like to be suicidal. Sometimes my fight with it feels like a Muay-Thai fight. You survived, but I’m sore, worn out, exhausted. But I’m alive. I’m so grateful that I haven’t done it, because as strange and stressful this year has been, I’ve never felt closer or more connected to you and the world. Ironic since we are stuck at home. Therefore I need to apologize. I’m sorry I never told you. That I didn’t reach out in my darkest moments. It’s impossible when fighting it to think of anything else. It creates a dark tunnel where you see nothing else but the void. The hard part is that you “think” you have to break out of this darkness alone when you are vulnerable. Which is a lie. Thankfully I have a therapist I fit with now, which was the major reason I haven’t received the help I’ve needed for years for my depression. That is not having a therapist I click with, or the therapist leaving for many reasons. You can’t do therapy without a consistent therapist, or one you don’t click with like a friend.

If nothing else, in my darkest moments, it’s 1 more reason to live. He taught me that everyone has an impact on others even if it isn’t clear to the person in the darkness struggling with mental illness. It ‘s hard to watch the later seasons of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown because you could physically see the toll on him. Watching his shows helped me become a better cook, a better person, a creative mind I could emulate. Gave me hope that I could still be successful later in life, despite struggling professionally.

Takeout food from Rainer Restaurant tonight. From right to left: Salt and Pepper Prawns, Sizzling Pepper Eel (the first time I have had cooked eel before), and Stir Fried Garlic Ong Choy. Also shown is a pink flower in a plastic planting pot.
I went and got takeout from Rainer Restaurant tonight. From right to left: Salt and Pepper Prawns, Sizzling Pepper Eel (the first time I have had cooked eel before), and Stir Fried Garlic Ong Choy. Everything was delicious! Also, the restaurant was giving away the pink flower in a pot. Guest starring, our messy kitchen table.

My mother and I went to Rainier BBQ (https://www.rainierrestaurant.com/) that Friday for dinner after I found out it happened. The place was filled. It was the first time I had been there before. I ordered the Beef Ong Choy salad, which Bourdain had while filming the segment there for his tv show The Layover some other dishes which were delicious. A person at another table told a server working there about Anthony Bourdain, and she cried. I still haven’t watched the final episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. Thank you Anthony Bourdain. Rest in Peace.

“Maybe that’s enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom…is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.”

― Anthony Bourdain”

Songs of the post: 

On the street by The Stooges

Across 110th street by Bobby Womack

Anemone by The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, comment, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! Please wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19! 

Brownies – A comfort food poem.

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Oh Brownies I made two weeks ago. I dream of you now as you are all gone. Oh wait, I bought chocolate chips again yesterday! Soon… I can eat you again.

    I hear the glass pan of the brownies, cut into a dozen, the top covered in plastic wrap. It’s whispering to me seductions of chocolate dark as night. Sweet, vanilla, bitter, complex chocolate. A hint of cayenne pepper. The line between comfort and addiction is teetering on a cliff. I resist bungee jumping into the crumbly, fudgey, canyon. Not quite cake, not quite cookie… I must ration you for the mysterious week ahead.

I can’t eat brownies that aren’t homemade. It’s close to lunch now, so I’ll eat.

Oh brownies, you are comfort in a world of intolerance, racism, and darkness. For a few hours, I melt away into the joy you give.

I don’t know why I was so embarrassed to post this poem online. Something silly. Maybe what’s that what we need as America moves forward, finally, for change. A little silliness so we can be calm to work through the problems. The violence wasn’t necessary. We just wanted to sit down and talk about issues. Peacefully.

Want to make them? Here is how: https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2020/06/07/brownies-for-a-friend/

Brownies for a friend

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Slice of delicious Brownies.

Photo from the brownie batch I made for myself earlier in the week.

Brownies

3 cups almond flour (if substituting for regular flour, use 2 cups)

4oz butter (or one stick)

1 cup cocoa powder (The quality of your cocoa powder makes the difference in how tasty your brownies are. I haven’t found a cocoa powder as good as this one yet… https://amzn.to/3gYL6a9

3 whole eggs (2 if using regular flour. Almond flour needs an extra egg in the recipe to have the same consistency)

1 cup chocolate chips

1.5 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

1 Tablespoon vanilla extract

Pinch cayenne pepper

Equipment needed: A whisk, a spatula, mixing bowls, glass 8×8 pyrex pan, a metal pan if using stove melting method.

Start by combing the almond flour, salt, cayenne, and cocoa powder into a mixing bowl.
Mix together with a whisk, or fork.
It needs to look close to this to be mixed properly. It’s okay if there are little chunks of cocoa powder. Mixing properly ensures that the brownies turn out.
Add the eggs,sugar, and vanilla extract into a bowl, and vigorously whip them with a fork or whisk. Unrelated, but also included in the pictured… A dirty cutting board from cooking dinner, and 70% isopropyl alcohol for cleaning.
This is the consistency you are looking for your egg mixture to be after whipping. It should run in a stream like this when lifted from your mixing instrument, in this case a fork.
Add the chocolate chips and butter into a pan on the stove on low heat. The goal is to emulsify the butter and chocolate into a new mixture. You can also do this in a microwave. If you done in a microwave, slowly heat in 20 second increments, stir, then melt another 20 seconds, stir, until it is the same consistency as this picture. Low and slow melting is the goal.
Pour the egg-sugar-vanilla mixture, and the chocolate-butter mix (also called a ganache!) into the center of the bowl of dry ingredients.
Mix the shit out of it with a spatula. Note: if using regular flour, you must be careful of over mixing as the gluten in flour changes the process. Almond flour doesn’t have gluten so you don’t have to worry about this.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F, or 176 C. This is the batter partially mixed.
Your brownie batter should look like this when fully mixed. Before spooning it into the Glass Pyrex pan, spray the Pyrex with nonstick oil spray.
Spread the batter around the pan with your spatula. This is how it looks when ready. Bake in your oven for 45 minutes at 350F/176C
This is how they look, hot out of the oven. To tell if they are ready, poke the center with a toothpick or thermometer, and it it comes out clean, they’re ready. It’s okay if it has cracks like this. Once cooled the cracks should recede. Its important that you allow the brownies to cool for a minimum of 1 hour. Almond flour brownies are much more delicate hot and will fall apart if not given enough time to cool. Its hell when they smell so good, but patience is key.
Money shot at my computer desk of the finished brownies.

A look into America this week…

My neighbors tribute outside her house to George Floyd.

As American as….

    I first must acknowledge that I despise the current format for recipes rewarded by google in food blogs, so I’ll leave this entry after the recipe for those interested in reading it. Gimme the damn recipe, not your story about it. Put it after the recipe. So I will, even if I get less views. Be the change you want to see in the world. I apologize for being two days late on this post.

As a white man of privilege on the autistic spectrum, I only know a little bit about being an outsider, to be considered different from society. I’ll never know what it feels like to be a person of color in America. I’ve been absolutely ashamed and disgusted at America since 2016. Growing up, it seemed like things were finally getting better for everyone in this country. I thought the future was finally here in 2008 when our first black president, Barack Obama was elected. That change was finally on the way. Like many progressives on the left, I was disgusted at the outcome of 2016’s election with POTUS 45. I never thought things would be this bad. 

I’m 34, so the first election I could vote in was in 2004 with Bush v Kerry. I didn’t agree with George W Bush’s policies, but at least he cared about America. At Least he considered the voices of everyone, and reached across the aisle when things got tough. POTUS 45 never  has given a fuck about anything other than himself since 2016. Republicans took their masks off, and fell in line treating him like a king. This is a direct attack to the very soul of being American. Our country is built upon protesting the King of England, “No taxation without representation!” Where the hell is the representation? Seems rich old white men continue to rule the world, while everyone else is supposed to beg for scraps with the government. 

Image source: https://wyrz.org/governor-mike-pence-directs-flags-flown-half-staff-statewide-honor-law-enforcement-officers-killed-dallas-shootings/ Thanks Pence, we can use this image to honor those brutalized by police too!

    “That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.” – Neil Armstrong

This week I have been questioning how I can make an impact. How I can best use my voice to help those that are struggling. It felt like a weight too heavy to bear alone. So, after running into paths that led nowhere, I had to simplify things and recharge from this emotional ride this week. I felt like I had to be there for my family and friends. I didn’t know what to do, thoughts racing, feeling paranoid even going outside at night past curfew to smoke so I could even sleep… When every other self care method I used wasn’t working. I realized that I was overwhelmed by PTSD from this traumatic week. I needed to recharge. Making decisions while angry isn’t productive if you aren’t able to use your anger in a healthy way. 

Sometimes, the answer to what to do is right in front of you. My answer to all this is: Meditation, cooking, music, and anime. All of which are cultural symbols from across the world. I’ve learned from meditation that you can always close your eyes and focus on breathing to calm yourself. To clear your mind of  thoughts. It is our ultimate privilege as the living. Nothing made this more apparent than the murder of George Floyd. Unfortunately kneeing a person on the neck is common practice by police across America, as demonstrated as the protests amped up and police brutality escalated by the worst departments such as the Seattle Police Department.  Maybe all this suffering will finally lead to an overhaul of the American police system. November can’t come soon enough. While dumping the current POTUS will greatly help, even more important is to vote in your local elections. Change starts at the local level, and every vote counts. As broken as voting for president is, it’s still effective in enacting change at the local level. Vote!

Voting info below:

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