Reilly's blog

I don’t know what to post

Hey everyone, it’s been a couple months since the last blog post. I am still alive. Lately I’ve felt exhausted and at a poverty for words as the quarter recently finished. I have been burnt out for a while, but had to push through due to the necessity of college homework.

I am finally done with the quarter, and with this part of my current degree path of psychology. I got A’s in both classes, yet, I feel… Empty. Relieved. Not much sense of an accomplishment and wanting for more. But so tired and little brain power that I know that the only thing to do is to rest. There is more to do as there always is.

The next thing.

Life always moves forward.

Etc.

Tomorrow I turn 40, and don’t know how to feel about that. It’s a big deal and not a big deal. I want to organize a party of some kind to see friends but also at little capacity to message people and set it up. Even with my small social group. Mom has a small thing setup on Sunday like we’ve done many times on past birthdays.

What else?

I was completely traumatized by the murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti back in January. How could you not when both events were captured from multiple perspectives and so violent? Don’t get me wrong, every single death caused by ICE and the Trump Administration is fucking horrifying and its become a daily tragedy to see yet another innocent person be treated inhumanely. Those two deaths in particular were so shocking like the war crimes in Gaza and now Iran because we are seeing the horrors firsthand from people there.

Yet, text was enough to show just how soul crushing crimes against humanity can be. For that two week or so period in February with the major file drops, was a dark part of humanity that I did not realize still existed to that extent in the recent past, and currently still existed. It’s starting to feel like those bastards will get away with this because its convenient for the powerful, Russia, and Mossad to have blackmail and to do whatever they want, no matter the cost to human dignity. I was obsessively reading every new file as it was revealed and in some cases unredacted by the good people in the world who are savvy with technology and specific software that allowed them to un-censor evidence that was sloppily covered up by the Trump Administration.

Yet millions of files are still covered up. So much of what has been released is censored. That is bullshit. All those victims deserve justice.

Fuck everyone involved in the Epstein files who participated, covered them up in the past, and is currently covering up shit.

It’s hard to handle the fury I have been experiencing because of this while being a chronically ill person. It’s manifested in my body as inflammation and increased long covid symptoms. Which has made doing college homework much harder. I did it though.

As a now Associate Psychology major, its maddening to know all of the dynamics of what is happening from a micro to a macro level understanding everything at a systems level. America has always been like this. The rich, powerful, or those with blackmail such as Israel always get what they want. The rest of us are just objects to be used to serve them. American is a giant dysfunctional narcisstic pyramidal family system with the democrats being the enablers, and republicans the abusers.

We all have been lied to our entire lives and so many are okay continuing that lie. It is important to point out that many do want to change things for the better and to overhaul the system for the needs of the many. Yet it feels increasingly dim that possibility will actually come to be.

At least not in my lifetime. Not with the average lifespans of men decreasing here.

But who knows at this point? Crazier things have happened.

I’m so tired of the bullshit.

---