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Magic is fun, but not enough to meet all needs.

Saturday, December 21st. I have arrived home and relaxing in bed as I write this. The first day of the week of Magic is complete. Despite four and a half hours going well and as expected, I am unfulfilled. My heart aches and it feels as if there is an empty hole in it.

It’s not like I expected this game, or this social event to fill all my needs. That’s impossible. I just didn’t expect to feel so lonely and wanting as soon as it was over. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt so low after a Magic event, while driving home.

I didn’t win a single match but was within the grasp of victory in two separate games and that’s fine. I played well and simply didn’t have luck on my side today and the other players in the four-player commander pod did. I was beaten and outplayed. My luck was fair. It happens.

Overall, we played four separate games. My brand new Bristly bill, Mono-Green deck was very competitive and was close to capturing a win. Not bad for my first deck I created on my own, from scratch.

The first game, everyone at the table was wiped out by this Wolverine, Best there is, deck.

(If the picture above didn’t make it obvious, yes, this card is that Wolverine from X-Men in the Marvel universe.)

That player built him to become an 89/89 with hexproof, lifelink, trample and indestructible. This meant that he could wipe out 1-2 players in one go and drain all that damage back as their player life; we couldn’t block with creatures, destroy the card, or respond with a timely spell. I, along with the other two players in my pod, tried to stop him, but sometimes there’s nothing anyone can do against an unstoppable object.

It’s one deck strategy in MTG called “Voltron” where the goal is to make one huge, unstoppable creature by connecting multiple powerful cards. In this case, the commander of the deck.

Overall, I failed this past week.

It wasn’t a great time to implement this plan during the week of Christmas and New Years. Multiple stores around town had cancelled all events around the holiday, so there was only one I could go to. Which was on Saturday the 28th. However I didn’t feel up to going because of a mix of apathy, depression, and lack of energy.

Adding two new structure decks and cards from boosters as presents weren’t enough to compel me to go.

On recent depression

I’m not looking forward to next year. With the nightmare change of presidents happening on January 20th and their plans, I have no hope for the future to come.

The winter college quarter begins on January 6th, with my two in-person classes, beginner piano, and Chemistry, starting. Those should be interesting. That said, I’m unsure about my current degree plan of becoming a therapist. For one, I’m furious at the MAGA crowd and Republicans. After this past election, I want zero association on any level with them because our values don’t match. Secondly, I want to do something that will positively impact society and the world.

It’s hard to have hope with the threat of a bird flu pandemic with all signs showing that nobody here learned anything from the Covid pandemic.

I haven’t stopped masking in public. All this does is make me feel paranoid and an outsider for protecting everyone.

It’s not 2015 in America. It’s 1933 Germany.

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