Tag Archives: Pandemic

It feels like a new chapter is on the way

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Plant
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Lately, it feels like I’m entering a new period of my life

First, I have to acknowledge the gap between posts. It’s been a week, and I could not write a post for Monday. I have no excuses. The reason why is that I have felt ill. I think I’ve caught whatever is going around, and possibly am having a flare-up from long covid.

No doubt I’m feeling like this because of the events of the previous post last week. Romantic rejection is hard enough. It’s harder when you feel you have a close connection with that person and get each other. Alas, while the friendship remains in a more limited version, heartbreak sucks, and I miss the connection we had. I’m getting better day by day, and eventually, I’ll be able to read her posts; for now, I need time. It’s okay if a woman doesn’t want romance with me. There are women who will. I’d prefer this journey to find love to be over and to find that woman who wants to be my girlfriend, but for now, it’s working through the steps of grief. It will pass, though not knowing when the end is annoying.

I’d prefer grief over trying than the regret of not trying.

In positive news, I’m coming to a point in therapy where I’m ready to end this period with my therapist. Since June of last year, I’ve been going to sessions online through the Ginger app via video sessions. Every few weeks, I have a survey about my symptoms, which have been improving steadily. At the same time, work will offer health insurance sometime in the spring, so it’s a good time to start thinking about what comes next. My therapist suggested taking a break, which I agree would be helpful. I also want to find a different therapist, possibly one local with a different approach.

Work is going great. It’s so nice to do well and have a workplace I can count on. While my job is repetitive and recently feels like the walls are closing in because of all the new storage shelves in our tiny space, there is nowhere else I want to be. (Other than sleeping a bit more and being home to write during peak hours.)

When I’ve tried to write recently, I’ve had headaches from the mental strain. It hasn’t helped that I couldn’t get up at 5am, despite getting plenty of sleep or extra sleep, and my body feels physically awful. I feel like I have been going crazy not being able to write. This isn’t because of anxiety as has happened in the past; its new symptoms are directly related to long covid. Increased mental strain hurts my brain, my physical exhaustion rises when I try, or it feels like my brain is empty, foggy, or like swiss cheese. When I am clear-headed or feel normal during the day, I’m at work and can’t write. In that case, I’m limited to nine A.M. to two or three P.M.

I should be grateful that I can finally write on Thursday morning at my regular time.

The creative demons are back in full force today. Shame for not producing. Guilt for feeling like a hack writer who doesn’t make anything of worth, regret for stories I never finished in the past, frustration for now being disabled, and having physical and mental limitations when I can write. Imposter syndrome creeping in.

I know none of these are helpful. I know it’s part of the creative process to learn to handle each of these emotions so I can get to the parts I enjoy. I understand that the only way to be creative about anything is to sit down and do it. I must get through the mountain of shit to discover and process the gold into a usable product.

Hello, demons. Nice to see you again. I know you are me and my insecurities speaking.

I’m tired of feeling frustrated because I can’t complete something I actually want to do. I want to be a storyteller. I want to write stories that matter. That feels meaningful to me. Fiction. I need to do something different.

Mood: https://www.zenpencils.com/comic/calling/

I’ve done enough reading on the how-to. Watched hundreds of hours of how-to and writing tips on youtube. I need to go and do it. Maybe I need to change the location where I do this writing as my current methods and writing at home isn’t getting the results I want. I feel too distracted at work and too pressed for time on breaks to be able to focus on writing.

I feel that many things in my life that have either been on hold or stuck will change when winter is over. This covid winter feels like it will be the last year where it is a threat to catch.

Life with Long Covid

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Coronavirus molecule
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Yesterday, Thursday, I missed work because of a flare-up.

I wasn’t able to write because of my health.

It’s been a year and about two weeks since I caught covid, which became long covid. I have been fortunate that I have been slowly recovering. Recovery is being able to do physical tasks at work, grinding weed, and making joints on the knock machine, for hours or in a shift. Both of these require you to be on your feet and move around. While primarily small movements in a small space, the exercise adds up. I would compare it to cooking professionally.

Before covid, I could do this work a whole shift, and while I would be tired, I could go home and do other stuff without being completely wiped out. These days, my body feels like a cell phone with an old battery. I’m alright with average tasks, but I do something straining and need to rest (recharge). The past few times I have pushed myself, I had to take days off work to recover and sleep. The exhaustion and fatigue don’t match the activities I did to cause it. I have discovered that too many mental activities can cause the same exhaustion.

Even though I am recovering and can do more, I must stay home and rest some days.

When I wake up, my body feels heavy, and it’s hard to move; I can’t think clearly, and I feel exhausted despite getting 8-9 hours of solid sleep… I know I have to stay home. It’s like being high and drunk without any benefits, and you’ve just come home after a 16-hour shift and went to the gym for a hard workout. But right as you woke up.

I have reached a point where I can go to work some days despite not feeling the greatest. I’m debating that now, Friday, as I write this post.

I’m struggling to put words together because of brain fog. Concentrating is difficult, and the harder I do, the more my head hurts, and I become spacey. I don’t have as much full-body inflammation as yesterday, and my joints aren’t painful, but it’s enough to feel like I’m dragging an anchor around just doing my regular routine.

I am like an older cellphone with an old battery, like my current phone. Some tasks, such as watching videos, will drain the battery quickly, and some things cause it to slow down or freeze. While I’ll be able to install a new battery on my phone and change the charging port, I can’t do this with my body and this chronic illness.

So, I’ll continue managing my energy, eating better, getting extra rest, and making adjustments with the help of my doctor and specialists.

Maybe I’ll recover by next year at this rate? I hope so.

Until then, it’s one day at a time.

A Covid Infection Anniversary

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Picture of a covid molecule.
Photo by CDC on Pexels.com

This week marks 1 year since I caught covid, which became Long Covid.

Song of the post: Virus by Del The Funky Homosapien · Dan The Automator · Kid Koala on Deltron 3030.

Lat year in 2022, during the Omnicron Surge in the middle of January, I caught covid at work.

It may seem strange that I am giving my catching covid an anniversary… The concept is most known for getting married, being at a job, or being a marker of success for relationship longevity. Since I have read The body keeps the score, I’ve learned that those under the effects of PTSD can hold up traumatic events. Between catching covid, living in a pandemic, and still randomly suffering from long covid, it’s no wonder I’m feeling off today.

I caught covid at a pizza party I threw after my first week as a department manager. While everyone then was wearing masks, and to my recollection, the majority wearing kn95s… I could have been safer and limited how many people with masks down were getting food in our small breakroom. Masks are useless if they are pulled down when people are eating. It didn’t help that the space where I set up the pizza was in our work breakroom, which is tiny and has poot airflow (still). I probably should not have brought the leftovers home and eaten them later. (Even if I did reheat and store them properly, that was too risky.)

I should have been more persistent in getting the booster shot then. I was not boosted because demand was so high in my area. The new covid booster had just become available in December 2021. Nowhere I called or looked had open appointments. The only way I could have received it was to drive to every pharmacy and wait until it closed, after work, for there to maybe be an extra shot.

Now that I think of it, I could have died if I did not have the original vaccine series.

Other factors that didn’t help:

A) I was exhausted by keeping up with safety after 2 years;

B) I wanted to treat everyone at work to pizza (people pleasing);

C) to that point in time, we had not had a work party, and I had barely socialized with anyone outside my immediate social circle.

20 minutes with my mask down/off to eat pizza in a closed space with many people, during peak covid infections was all it took.

This short post below I wrote in the middle of it when I was home sick.

https://unknownreilly.com/2022/01/22/i-caught-covid/

Since it’s going on year 3 of the pandemic, let’s review what catching covid feels like

To begin with, I am not a Doctor. I am a blogger. This list is from the CDC:

Symptoms of COVID-19

  • Fever or chills
  • Cough
  • Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
  • Fatigue
  • Muscle or body aches
  • Headache
  • New loss of taste or smell
  • Sore throat
  • Congestion or runny nose
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Diarrhea

source: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/symptoms-testing/symptoms.html

I would add symptoms: Feeling so tired that you can’t focus or do anything but rest, confusion, rapid or slow heartbeat, and the worst fever you have ever had.

If you are sick and suspect it is covid, STAY HOME. The U.S. government is giving away free covid tests here. If you test positive, stay home for 14 weeks. 5 days with a mask is not long enough. Even going to work with a mask on is like having a loaded gun where your mouth is. even if the safety is on, it’s still loaded. A loaded gun that is pointing at others. Your mouth doesn’t have a safety switch, and people make mistakes.

Don’t risk your health. Take your time to recover and prevent the spread to others, please.

Do you really want to put your health in the hands of the American healthcare system?

A reminder on how to properly wear a mask:

How to properly wear a face mask guide https://news.sanfordhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/019037-00405-FACEBOOK-INSTA-SHN-COVID-19-Face-Mask-crop.jpg

This is what the symptoms of Long Covid are

AS is currently understood by science and those suffering from it. Research is underway to treat Long Covid and how it attacks the body.

“Long COVID (sometimes referred to as ‘post-acute sequelae of COVID-19’) is a multisystemic condition comprising often severe symptoms that follow a severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) infection. At least 65 million individuals around the world have long COVID, based on a conservative estimated incidence of 10% of infected people and more than 651 million documented COVID-19 cases worldwide1; the number is likely much higher due to many undocumented cases. The incidence is estimated at 10–30% of non-hospitalized cases, 50–70% of hospitalized cases2,3 and 10–12% of vaccinated cases4,5. Long COVID is associated with all ages and acute phase disease severities, with the highest percentage of diagnoses between the ages of 36 and 50 years, and most long COVID cases are in non-hospitalized patients with a mild acute illness6, as this population represents the majority of overall COVID-19 cases. There are many research challenges, as outlined in this Review, and many open questions, particularly relating to pathophysiology, effective treatments and risk factors.

Hundreds of biomedical findings have been documented, with many patients experiencing dozens of symptoms across multiple organ systems7 (Fig. 1). Long COVID encompasses multiple adverse outcomes, with common new-onset conditions including cardiovascular, thrombotic and cerebrovascular disease8, type 2 diabetes9, myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS)10,11 and dysautonomia, especially postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS)12 (Fig. 2). Symptoms can last for years13, and particularly in cases of new-onset ME/CFS and dysautonomia are expected to be lifelong14. With significant proportions of individuals with long COVID unable to return to work7, the scale of newly disabled individuals is contributing to labour shortages15. There are currently no validated effective treatments.”

Source, Nature.
Covid can: Take your breath, change your mind, make your skin crawl, break your heart

Long covid is considered a disability under the ADA:

“This guidance explains that long COVID can be a disability under Titles II (state and local government) and III (public accommodations) of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA),3  Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Section 504),4  and Section 1557 of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (Section 1557).5   Each of these federal laws protects people with disabilities from discrimination.6   This guidance also provides resources for additional information and best practices.  This document focuses solely on long COVID, and does not address when COVID-19 may meet the legal definition of disability.

The civil rights protections and responsibilities of these federal laws apply even during emergencies.7   They cannot be waived.”

Source

Why should I be worried? I don’t have long covid, and its been 3+ years into the pandemic?

Concerns over Covid spike in China grow ahead of Lunar New Year

https://www.nbcnews.com/now/video/covid-spikes-in-china-grow-ahead-of-lunar-new-year-159860293630

‘People aren’t taking this seriously’: experts say US Covid surge is big risk.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/15/covid-19-coronavirus-us-surge-complacency

WHO urges travellers to wear masks as new COVID variant spreads.

https://www.reuters.com/world/whoeurope-backs-travel-checks-us-given-spread-latest-omicron-variant-2023-01-10/

Biden administration renews Covid-19 public health emergency.

https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/11/politics/covid-19-public-health-emergency/index.html

All around the world, covid surveillance is faltering.

https://web.archive.org/web/20230108140811/https://www.economist.com/science-and-technology/2023/01/04/all-around-the-world-covid-surveillance-is-faltering


Labour Party calls for mask wearing on public transport and crowded places until March 1 amid virus surge

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/politics/labour-party-calls-for-mask-wearing-on-public-transport-and-crowded-places-until-march-1-amid-virus-surge-42275572.html

Where to get vaccinated:

The price of getting a vaccine is going up.

Companies look at increasing price of their COVID-19 vaccines. Bernie Sanders is not happy
While insurance will cover the shots, premiums could rise, the senator warned.)

Get it while its free and affordable.

In the U.S.:

https://www.vaccines.gov/

Worldwide:

https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/covid-19-vaccines

Get Boosted! Let this be the last pandemic winter…

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When is the end? #covid19

Only about 14% of the United States has the latest covid booster vaccine.

The pandemic isn’t over for me. Long covid is hellish.

I’ve accepted my lot living with long covid. This is my fate. I don’t like having it. I want to feel like I did before, I took being healthy for granted. This is what acceptance means to me. I have a chronic disease, and this is my life. I have a disability due to this.

Your energy still isn’t back to 100%.

You get tired easily.

Your heart rate varies.

You are short of breath.

You get sick easily.

Simple exercise wears you out and can knock you out for days from exhaustion.

Your trust in humanity goes to zero. How can you fully trust anyone when anyone can spread covid to you?

Covid can: Take your breath, change your mind, make your skin crawl, break your heart
Source

I’m tired of the pandemic too. But we ain’t quite out of the pandemic woods.

That major outbreak across China is an ominous sign. A new covid variant is sure to originate from that. Fuck, we were so close to the end of the pandemic. One more winter and it felt that the worst was behind us… I wouldn’t have to fear catching it again while vulnerable. I would rather avoid potentially shortening my life like that.

https://theconversation.com/there-are-still-good-reasons-to-avoid-catching-covid-again-for-one-your-risk-of-long-covid-goes-up-each-time-196041

https://apnews.com/article/science-health-china-covid-306b688d84e31a9462f82d0ead1f4584

For everyone’s sake… Please get the Bivalent covid booster!

Here is where to get vaccinated:

https://www.vaccines.gov/

https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/covid-19-vaccines

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes!

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Just like that… Life changes

Time to face the strange.

On Tuesday, I was finally able to schedule the shot. The shot the world has been waiting for. As we watched the world behind a mask. Wednesday, with little fuss I got the first dose of the Pfizer covid-19 vaccine. The whole process took a total of 25 minutes once I arrived at Lumen field. In fact, it took longer to travel there than getting the vaccine.

Time may change me

13+ months following the rules for survival. Masking up every time I go outside… Passing people on sidewalks as I would a commercial truck passing a car like when driving. Glaring at assholes with their masks not on. People became hazardous objects. Practicing steady breathing each time I had to go grocery shopping. Holding my breath, pressing against aisles to maintain space. Anxiety spiking each time some selfish local dumbass not being courteous in closed spaces. Socializing existing on the internet only. The number of times I saw friends a family… I can count on one hand After the Pandemic.

The pandemic isn’t over yet. Like when Biden was sworn in on January 20th, I felt a huge weight lifted off me. One more shot to go, and I’ll be safe. Finally, an ending.

Just gonna have to be a different man

A new beginning. Today I got a new job! Full time work as a cannabis processor with a company that looks great to work for. I had a really good vibe in the interview Monday. I’ve been in shock today. My life is finally moving forward. My hard work the past year is paying off. A year ago I was at rock bottom. 15 months since my last full time job.

Therapy was amazing on Thursday. My therapist and me got to celebrate all these achievements. All the hard work paying off. All the hours last year on zoom working through my problems. Showing up every week ready to do the work. Choosing to be vulnerable, honest, and open to feedback.

Talking about everything made me cry. I wept tears of joy. I’m choosing to appreciate these wonderful feelings instead of the future. Its been a very long time that I’ve felt tears of joy because of a tough goal. A hard earned win. It’s been a tough year. Living through 2020 by itself is an amazing thing.

It is possible to change for the better.

Gratitude

I’m only here because I didn’t give up on therapy. I gave it another shot because I asked for help. My needs weren’t being fulfilled, and I couldn’t do it alone anymore. I’m here because I used the past year to work on myself full time. Daily therapy zoom groups, weekly therapy appointments with homework, reading relevant books, youtube videos about relationships and psychology, Mark manson articles, subreddits, Spotify meditation/mindfulness/positive affirmations tracks, and blogging. All thanks to being laid off from Willie’s Reserve. Thanks unemployment! Thanks WA Applecare! Thanks Mom! Thank you blog readers! Thank you friends!

No more covid Limbo

I can finally feel safe to visit people. The world will return to normal. All we have to do is persist a little bit longer. The end of the pandemic is on its way. All thanks to the covid-19 vaccines.

Thank you, science!

P.S. This isn’t to say I’m not anxious or free from doubts. It’s just nice to appreciate good things happening.

It hasn’t hit me that I actually have a full time job on Monday. With this I can get a new car. With this I can move out on my own. With both the vaccine and the job, I can live life again. I wonder what I’ll be like a year from today?

Frazil Soul

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Icy roots, frazil, ice rivers. Freezing ice.

Frazil Soul:

Turbulence disturbs my inner soul.

Frazil needles pierce its boundaries.

Grey skies dampen optimistic energy.

Can’t you see I’m freezing to death?

What hope is there in this ocean blizzard storm?

No ships, no ice to climb on, no way out.

I can’t tread much longer in this freezing ocean.

In the waters below, death in a black abyss.

Above water and all around us, a blizzard you can’t see through.

Where’s the rescue boats?

Where’s the meaning of life in this disaster?

Where’s the rescue boats?

Is this how it ends?

Swim on. Might as well persist until you can’t.

Swim on, blind, numb, and afraid. There’s nothing to do but survive.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

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