Tag Archives: communication

Adjusting Boundaries Outside-In ☯️

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The chicken coop boundaries.

Boundaries:

Examples of how to set boundaries: http://www.recoveryeducationnetwork.org/uploads/9/6/6/3/96633012/boundary_setting_tips__1_.pdf

“What is a boundary?

A boundary is an invisible line you draw around yourself to identify what is acceptable behavior, and what is unacceptable behavior. The beauty of boundaries is that they are fluid and ever-evolving; for example, looser limits around extending yourself to others is easier when you’re younger and childless. As you age and gain insight, you’ll get a quicker read on energy vampires and narcissists.

Some people love boundaries because they represent structure, order, and rules. Others see limits as an unyielding set of laws where there are no gray areas, only black and white. A critical part of a healthy psyche is deciding on the right tension for your life. Psychological distress results from overly rigid or overly loose limits.“

From psychologytoday.com Source

External boundaries:

My first relationship with my girlfriend is going well.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, it’s a long distance relationship.

I’m waiting for her response to my last text. I communicated my needs to her.

I need communication, clarity, and feedback for a healthy relationship.

So far, so good. We’ve accepted each other’s boundaries so far. I hope this goes well.

After this, time to setup a distance with mask date!

Online interaction only goes so far… And I need in person quality time.

Trust but verify.

Trust yourself.

Believe in the best.

Be yourself.

You got this.

I don’t want a long distance relationship.

I wonder that I’m a fool in love? Guess that’s what people mean when they say being in love makes you crazy.

I rather not wait until we get the covid vaccine. Is this too fast for a new relationship? Like, you want to see each other at least once a week right? Ah the joys of exploring a new love while getting to know each other.

Damn you Covid-19… I finally meet my first girlfriend and it’s not safe to visit.

It’s the right thing to do- to stay at home- but, man this is torture. I’m tired of being patient.

I hope I’m not clingy.

I hope I’m not oversharing…

Learning on the fly.

Internal Boundaries

Today I went back and edited a couple months of blog posts. I’ve been really bad about editing posts lately. A combination of little details such as adding a separation bar for clarity, adding the end slate with an email subscriber box, section headers to help search results, and adding tags/categories.

I’m finding my writers legs. It’s a tough balance. If I want to continue growing as a writer, and as a blogger, the next step to growth is to improve my revision and editing skills. Writing is rewriting. I can’t achieve goals without being aware of the quality of work I’ve done. These days I have all the time in the world. I feel like I’m trapped in a pandemic hamster wheel.

I feel ashamed of how lazy I’ve been. My days are turning into: wake up around 9am, shower, dress, eat, sit down at my PC and be on the computer/phone all day. Weekdays I’m limited to about 4 hours for seeking work. There’s only so many job openings and cover letters I can send before I run out. One day a week, I’ve had further job help with a job councilor through Sound Mental Health, where I get help for my issues. The rest of the day is a mix of watching futurama or forensic files for the 6th time because it’s soothing. My other activities are on the computer too, either relationship videos on YouTube, or audiobooks on Audible. It’s been this way for months. I wish I could go to places for activities. I exercise better with people in classes or sports.

Ugh, I hate being bored, but too exhausted from the pandemic blues to better myself.

I need to make a small adjustment to my daily routine.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Xmas, South Park, and Texting. These are a few of my favorite things…

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A batch of candy cane cookies I made in 2016. These are so delicious, yet I can’t have this recipe of this cookie because it requires butter. And are high in carbs, sugar, and calories. I need to find a low carb, sugar free, and dairy free recipe of these cookies. …I need to work on mastering low carb sweets. I’m looking forward to this project!
This is our family recipe my mom got from cooks.com years ago. Delicious gluten, carbs, sugar, and dairy. Sugar is a hell of a drug, lol.

Pandemic Xmas, 2020:

I’m dreaming of a regular Christmas this year.

A regular Xmas with no threat of a virus. When I don’t have to worry about Covid-19, just because I want to visit with people. I’m frustrated because I’ve been following the rules since March. It’s nice to to know im not alone in feeling this way. One day the pandemic will be over. Don’t forget to be mindful and appreciate what is going well in your life.

It’s hit me that Xmas is coming up. And I really love Christmas. I like to show my appreciation for people in presents. Giving and quality time are how I express affection. I’m not sure how I like to receive affection yet. Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages is on my audible wishlist to read.

This is normally the time when I get my Christmas shopping done. This year isn’t my first lean Xmas either. So that means being a clever shopper and getting my Mom and Brother what they want on a budget! While all of us are on lean budgets for presents, that doesn’t mean we can’t get exactly what each of us wants.

I wonder what I want for xmas… That I couldn’t buy later for myself, that others can give me. Sometimes asking for presents feels weird because I don’t need much, and usually buy what I need. Patron Liberal Saint, Senator Bernie Sanders, please forgive me. Avoiding products that support the 1% is hard, and I’m only human.

I miss the joy of waking up on christmas day as a child. Only wanting a few things, and still feel utter joy from the presents I did receive. Like you had won the lottery because I got the newest Optiumus Prime or Power Rangers Zord toy as a present. Xmas as an adult is quite different from the experience of it as a child. It felt like you could ask for the world… I want to rediscover that feeling of wonder from childhood.

A dream Xmas present list

  • World peace.
  • Equality.
  • Nobody would be rich or poor.
  • Happiness for everyone.
  • A world free of suffering, free of disease, and starvation.
  • Universal understanding. Is this enlightenment?
  • A cure for coronavirus.
  • A a satisfying life where I meet my needs and give back to the world.

Sometimes text communication is hard.

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard Star Trek: The Next Generation Imdb source

At times, I find the above quote helpful, said by Captain Picard from Star Trek: TNG.

“Geek wisdom: Life isn’t fair all the time. Sometimes you will given lucky breaks and sometimes unlucky ones. There are also going to be times when, even if you think you’ve thought of every possible bad thing that could happen and prepare contingencies for them, things may still not swing your way. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try things anymore. The important thing is that you try.” Source

Sometimes things don’t work out, and that’s okay. Keep on trying. I’m grateful that I learned this lesson this year. Life goes on. (Man therapy, and self care are awesome!)

I was going through the situation described in the link below this weekend with this new relation I’ve had entirely over text on Whatsapp with a new person:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-texting-and-dating-ma_b_7153950

While the target audience for this article is for women, this part spoke to me as an anxious man:

“In a new relationship, texting can be both exciting and filled with anxiety. Before you over analyze his texts, read this to find out how to text in style.“

“On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men.”

Turns out, what I thought was a red flag was easily fixed by communicating, and the situation is good. Guess this success at communication shows my growth in relationship skills this year. It wasn’t a disaster, it was my anxiety! And I handled both skillfully! Yay!

I’m grateful for this budding relationship, that’s life!

Making or visiting friends in the Pandemic! 😷😅

Understanding the pandemic through South Park episodes.

Lately life feels like the episode “Gluten free Ebola” from South Park season 18. And I feel like the lead characters Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. In the episode, they return to school after trying to get 10 million dollars from a startup. They failed, and try to make up their arrogant failure by doing something good to make up for it. The Gluten-Ebola outbreak in the episode is solved by turning the established thinking upside down and taking a new approach to a problem the world faces. They learn and adapt to the new reality.

Spoilers: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gluten_Free_Ebola?wprov=sfla1

What 2020 will feel like looking back…

Song of the post is not Christmas music. That is reserved only for December 25, not the entirety of November and December this posts song is: Imagine By John Lennon.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Depression, Gratitude, and a Break.

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Depression:

I feel that I need to say that I am doing better today compared to Sunday, the previous blog post.

Some posts are a reflection of my well being for the day posted, and others are my feelings for that week. The last post was how I felt on the 25th. While I struggle with depression, thanks to my commitment to mental health, the depressed days are happening less and less. I thank therapy, medicines, and changing my unhealthy behaviors/thoughts as the reasons why I’ve grown so much this year. I am suffering less from depression because I am fighting it. I have this wall that I can’t overcome without proper medicine regarding depression. Half is something that can only be managed with the anti depressant I take. It took me trying 12 others (Which breaks down to 1-3 months adjusting to the medicine, another 1-2 to taper down if it doesn’t work to avoid nasty side effects, rinse repeat. Add in the horror of the cost of some medicines, and American health insurance companies being selfish monsters, and its a nightmare. This makes working for bettering your own health a battle against two enemies, your condition(s) and the healthcare system.) before I found the medicine that my body responds to, that works. Depression is a medical condition that happens in our brains that changes the hormones it produces. Having depression is like having a constant bully that is yourself, that knows all your weaknesses and insecurities, and does everything it can to stop you from being better. Just like the classic Sun Tzu quote from the Art of War, it’s a losing battle of attrition.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

So, I’m not going to quit writing or blogging. My body is telling me that I need a break to recharge, so after this post I am going to take a break for a couple weeks. I’ll keep people up to date on the blog Facebook page.

Gratitude:

Sometimes what you need is a helping hand to help you. Yes, we need to be self sufficient and stand on our own. That said, everyone needs help at times. So I want to give back by acknowledging these people:

First I would like to recognize my Mom. While we live together and can drive each other crazy at times… She is always there for me at my worst. She taught me how to be an advocate for my health for me before I could. I would not be here without her. She checked up on me that night as soon as she read the post. She told me again that I can always talk to her, and that she cares for me. Thanks Mom!

Second is my lifetime friend and brother from another mother, Gus. He sent me an awesome email -The first fan mail sent to the blog email! – Checking up on me, relating to the post, and empathizing with the struggles I wrote about. I feel this summary diminishes how touched I was to read his emails and what it means to me that he did that. I want to keep this private. In it’s place I feel that Gus deserves more recognition as a modern day renaissance man with serious chops as a musician (You can check out his album on Bandcamp here) and as a writer for the South Seattle Emerald here.

Third is blogger Olivia. I am a little shy to say that I follow and enjoy her because it’s a NSFW BDSM blog. You know what? I’m a 34 year old man and I have needs. Erotic literature is one way to satisfy this… Anyway, she left this nice comment, and sent an email!

Olivia, thank you for the lovely email! I am so touched you felt concerned for a total stranger and my well being! It’s the first fan email from a blog follower! 😀

Last but not least! Is blogger nopassingfancy. In her own words from her gravatar:

Source

We’ve been following each others blogs for a while, and its really nice to chat with her! And she posted this lovely comment on Sunday 🙂:

Link to her blog! https://nopassingfancy.wordpress.com/

I never thought that online comments and email would make me so happy!

One gift that 2020 has taught me is that there are good people in the world. it would be a crime not to appreciate this. I hope I didn’t miss thanking anyone in previous post comments…!😬 If I did, please forgive me.😷 Thank you everyone who comments and follows the blog!

Post continued below…

Good old Facebook memes that describes me lately!

My fellow Americans, the election is on November 3, 2020 in 5 days! Don’t forget to Vote! Here is how to register and find how to in your state!:

https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote

Positives. I had my second full shift of work yesterday at my new job at Clēēn Craft. My job is to pack cans of hemp infused sodas into cardboard trays from the canning machine and onto wood pallets for orders. It’s a physical, repetitive job, but I like it! For now the job is seasonal, one day a week with potential to grow into more depending on sales of our products. I like my coworkers, and I feel I am keeping up with work, doing well despite mistakes. The job is the challenge I need. It’s nice to give all I have to succeed one work day at a time. After being unemployed since January, it’s nurturing to work at a job I like.

If you would like to try the sodas we make, you can get them on Amazon here:

https://amzn.to/2TBT9PC

Or, through the company website for anyone in the world:

https://cleencraft.com/shop/

A Break:

Based on the last blog post, I need a break from blogging. Life has been tough the past month. I didn’t realize how tough until working through it in therapy on Wednesday and Thursday. This October I: had a covid test to be safe (It was negative but I had to wait a few days for results), Had to bring Coconut to the vet for the first time, had a job interview over zoom that went well but I did not get, had a job interview for a job I did get, start a new job after being unemployed for 8 months, and do all this while grieving my grandfather’s passing. All that without the stressful shitstorm that the U.S. is right now. It’s no wonder I crashed this past week.

While 2020 has been a year of inner growth, it’s felt like hell at times. After years of feeling like I’m stuck and not growing as a person despite fighting to be better, my life is progressing. Continuing my quest for my own Holy Grail: being mentally healthy, being accountable, and living a full life. I need to focus on self care, and give myself permission to be human. Rest is as important to action in growth.

A lesson my therapist taught me is to not personalize mental illness. Don’t say: “my depression”, say: “the depression I am experiencing.” This gives power back to you by treating depression as a medical condition that is treatable.

This video is a helpful reminder of depression symptoms, and shows how people without depression can help:

I blog about my feelings, my problems, the mental illness I manage because it’s empowering.

Source

So, why do I blog? Why do I write? What’s the point?

I blog because it helps me work through things. Blogging for everyone to see makes me accountable. I write about my problems because I hope that maybe it will help someone else struggling. To overcome fear, shame, ignorance, and problems, you have to face them. Change is hard. I need a break from blogging. I was reminded of the Cowardly Lion today when “If I were King of the forest” from the Wizard of Oz movie soundtrack. Sometimes all we need is a little Courage. I have three posts planned for the near future, and after that I’ll take a break from blogging for a few weeks.

Music of the post:

Chains and Things by B.B. King
You’ve got a friend by James Taylor
Walk by Foo Fighters

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

( 11/01/20: Made a few edits for clarity!)