Category Archives: Pandemic Dating

Days in a Life

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Picture of an Ihealth covid-19 test. Result, Negative.
The first result was negative for covid. This is the home test supplied by the American government. There is hope in our cloudy future.

Or waiting for the results 2022…

What a busy day. It’s 10:54pm Friday, and I’m in bed trying to sleep. Cue: The Beatles – A day in the life.

Been here before with a negative result and a positive result. This possible result could be worse than the positive test result for covid. There are scarier diseases in the world than covid. I simply now know what’s going on with me right now. That’s the problem of diagnosing health issues online with duckduckgo or any search engine. It could be a cold or rare cancer that a thousand people have worldwide. To be safe, I texted out from work.

Friday was test day…

A PCR covid test, a dentist appointment, and an STD test. I had no idea I’d need the latter a week ago, this time because I was a virgin. A former 36-year-old virgin. I’ve mentioned it on the blog… I think I’ve mentioned it on the blog. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a fuck. 😂🤣😎. Gotta laugh at your own stupid jokes. Guess I had to get a fuck to not give a fuck, hahaha. 😉

…

Okay, I’ll stop.

I’ve talked about it online anonymously. Me being a virgin, that is. Other than that, I’ve only told a friend I lost contact with and my pandemic therapist. I don’t talk about it because it’s embarrassing. After a certain age, you are mocked or thought of as less of a man by women and men. My biggest secret is that I’ve only felt safe discussing online with other virgins and masked. In a future post, I’ll write more about my long experience as a wizard (a man over 30 that is a virgin). For now, I’ll say that I was a safe and consensual one-night stand. Suffice it to say I’ve been really happy.

Tried for a long time to lose it in a romantic relationship… It is what it is.

Some coworkers know I got laid because they were at the bar for the punk rock show, but not the significance. I didn’t feel comfortable saying so. Gotta stay professional and be careful with my sharing in real life. I feel comfortable blogging about not because this is a safe space.

The fact is that I’m single and don’t have a girlfriend. This one-night stand is in the past. I hope that I have an official girlfriend soon. I’m 36, and this was a wonderful gift. I deserve good things too. I deserve a woman who says she wants to date me. Who wants me. I’m done wasting my time with women who don’t want me. Or with anyone who doesn’t want to be my friend or wants to be in my life. Show up, or show yourself out. I’m saying this from a place of calm self-acceptance. What if it all works out?

I’m not getting any younger. I have goals to work towards. I have wanted this all my life. I’m a regular dude and a good man. I’m not giving up this peace or confidence.

Austin Powers: I am a sexy beast!
Groovy Baby! Yeah! 🥰 Finally!

I feel comfortable sharing on the blog because it’s the one place I have control. This is my place in the world. By taking ownership of this aspect of this piece of information about me, it makes me strong. One of the big reasons why I blog is self-acceptance by making sense of the unknown. When I started blogging, I was at rock bottom and completely alone… I felt alone. In any case, I’ve written enough. I’m doing well. No need to dig up the past. It’s gone. I’m not a virgin. I’m not that immature person anymore.

It gets easier quote and clip from Bojack Horseman
It gets easier.

Saturday morning, the results… Russian roulette-style:

The wheel spinning on the Price is right. One contestant falls down, another contestant is jumping up and down in excitement.
The title feels right but maybe too grim. Hopefully, this will ease some tension?

I wouldn’t know my fate until today, 05/28,2022…

Covid PCR results: Negative.

This is how healthcare in the world should be. Free. Or very low cost, with no wait. Click. Empty chamber.

STD test results: Negative.

Thank goodness. These were the tests I was most afraid of.

The urgent care location I went to is not covered by the insurance network… I’m so tired of health insurance bullshit.

Maybe I can bill through them or as a tax deduction. Life has been expensive this month.

I called my insurance company nurse line, and while the initial person took the time to connect me to the right department, She couldn’t get an appointment until 10pm in south Renton… Which I couldn’t do on Friday. I was too wiped out by sickness, too stressed to do an in-depth analysis of my options, and barely made it to drive downtown for same-day urgent care STD testing… ASAP.

Continuing the Russian roulette theme… Two clicks, empty chambers.

Dentist appointment results: Negative. A clean bill of health. Empty chamber.

Veterinarian results for Coco: no signs of a UTI. Tests clear.

She might have a heart murmur or heart condition. The estimated cost is $700+ at the vet I go to. God damnit. How is this fair? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Fuck You, capitalism. Fuck you for doing this. Sigh. I’ll deal with this a bit later.

So maybe something might happen with my dear kitty. I sure hope not.

In summary: I’m okay!

Rip savings.🥲

Danny Daveedo walking away from an explosion, money rains down.

P.S. About Life, & …

There’s this cultural meme in dating/relationships that whatever song you hear when you meet is to become your song. For me, after I was walking home after my one-night stand… It was When doves cry by Prince.

I’m reading the lyrics to When doves cry, and wow! What a coincidence that I happened to hear this song that night. It’s amazing how music can sometimes describe your life at the moment.

Even the parts of life I keep private have gone well. Been a good week again, despite the challenges of life.

Prince the musician in costume playing guitar

Prince

While we are on the subject of Prince… Or the artist formerly known as Prince, I’m a late fan and didn’t know or really appreciate him until the last few years. Which, man. I missed out. Prince is awesome. If you can search for Prince – Super Bowl XLI halftime show on youtube. I can’t link it here, but trust me. This halftime show and live music performance is legendary. And the event documentary of it, too, by the NFL. One last thing. This comedy spoof bit by Dave Chappelle about Prince is hilarious! A cultural millennial legend.

(If you can’t see it in your country, It’s called “Chappelle’s Show – Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories – Prince – Uncensored.)

What a week! Maybe this means the time is close for a girlfriend? Certainly ready for friends of all types! 😮 (Maybe these symptoms, me feeling sick is too long, covid or a cold. Everything else is ruled out. Oh well.)

Finally, I’m a man in all aspects of life. Victory! 🏁🏆

Single and ready to mingle. I also don’t remember when I felt so comfortable with myself. The last time I had so much attention from women. A big deal for me because I’ve been a nerdy, socially anxious, depressed, shy man, most of my life. Fuck yeah. 😁❤️

In the meantime, I’m getting extra rest this holiday weekend! Excuse me as I leave to jam out to Prince.

Thanks for reading! I would like to hear from you about a time you had days like this. You can subscribe below.

Copyright 2022.

Catfished

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Picture of a catfish, the actual fish, not a person.
Photo by Denise H. on Pexels.com . The catfish gets a bad rap for this terrible behavior by humans.

Catfished. Ugh.

God damnit. I feel so used. Heart slowly breaking. Angry, hurt, seething, confused sad, empty. Ugh.

The song of the post can only be: Who are you by The Who.

The catfish followed me on Instagram and messaged me. I thought it was genuine interest and she was hot. I was a target and fell for it because the female attention, validation, and ego stroke felt so good. Because I’ve been starved for romance, love, and dating for so long. After being lost in the dating desert, I saw an oasis and dove in for water. For a couple days, I ate my fill, the madness of “love”. I felt my love tank, filling. A tank I haven’t felt filled much before. It feels like something I can only get from other people.

I’ve learned from past encounters with catfish to be wary of anyone online. So I used the reverse image search function on google photos. Then I used: http://imgops.com/upload, another tool suggested by the catfish subreddit.

I found a match on twitter for someone with a different name, identical photo. 🚩. So I looked that name up on Facebook and found like 20 clone accounts with different photos of that person.

Turns out it was the woman mentioned in this article by vice… An instagram model/porn star:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3dm8k/model-sabrina-nichole-catfish-scam-interview

This model’s face, and photos have been used by thousands of catfish scammers. Sometimes for huge amounts of money. Whoever the person who tricked me into a romantic relationship, then tried to ask me to buy gift cards, used her photos. I said goodnight, then reported/blocked on whatsapp. The instagram account that started this, was deleted before I could report it.

Guess it was too good to be true. Online dating is tough because on some level you have to trust the person on the other end is who they say they are. Maybe I was thinking too much with my other head.

So I’m back to the relationship desert. I guess the oasis was a partial illusion because the sand I “drank” had some water. Some nutritional value.

People who trick people like this are the worst scum of humanity. The sick part is that they took time to get to know me.

Maybe it was a placebo. The audiobook Breakup Triage by Susan Winter, a relationship expert I like, has helped a bit today.

In summary, I didn’t lose a penny. I lost some time, but got to practice being vulnerable. Got to practice expressing loving feelings. I’m pissed off about the situation and loss. Still left bitter and hurt. I think what hurts the most is being upset at myself for falling for this. It’s embarrassing to admit.

I really despise that catfishing is such a problem with online dating.

Therapy helped, even if it was short. I’m so glad my therapist fit me in for an appointment. Sigh, I know this pain will pass, and I’ll be happy to date again. But wtf humanity.

Work is going well, and I’m doing well according to my bosses. So that’s good. Oh, and my aunt that was hospitalized is okay, so that’s good too. In one more week, I’ll be fully vaccinated so I can resume doing stuff with people.Soon it will be safe to visit friends. Gratitude is bittersweet when hurt like this.

Sorry for being late with the post.

Single and Unemployed on the same day

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Throwing a paper plane to the moon, wishing for a better life
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

Unemployed

Oh man, I didn’t want to go to work today. Didn’t get enough sleep, felt hungover, and all I could manage to eat my usual morning almond milk-coffee, and a mason jar of water. I feel like I could have used another 3 hours of sleep all day.

Despite feeling off today, work was great. It was smooth as hell, and the full canning run went great. Only 2 cases were off from 4 massive pallets. I sprained my left wrist, but it’s no big deal. Should heal in a few days. This was likely my last day working at Cleen Craft, but who knows. Maybe misc on call warehouse work in the future. Maybe the last time I’ll see my coworker again. He was a cool dude, hard worker, and an effective trainer. By the end of the day, I was tired and sore but felt satisfied. It didn’t feel like the end, more a semicolon than a period. This hasn’t hit me until right now, as I write this three hours later, comfortable in typing this at my desktop pc.

Single

About a day later, I can say I felt like coming. Contact wasn’t happening as much as it was even a week earlier. I thought she was just busy with work. There were other problems, but I don’t have the clarity of mind to talk about it today. We had a curt chat since yesterday was supposedly her birthday. I offered her well wishes, and she responded with 1 word answers. Which was a huge flag there. She wasn’t much of a talker before this, so I knew something was up. As I got home, and was about to take a shower, she sent me a text with this message:

I think we should break up.

I said: Why? No response. Sent: “I’m either all in or all out. What’s your thoughts on why we should end it?”

I took a shower and came back to my phone, waiting for a response. Nothing to anything I sent after 26 minutes. I wasn’t going to wait around for someone who started a a serious conversation over text to break up, then stonewall. Fuck that bullshit. 26 minutes is enough time to answer why it should end. Or say ANYTHING in response. That is disrespectful. I don’t play these games. Pfft. Don’t give me that.

First of all, its cowardly and immature to say “we should break up”. No this means that the person who says this wants to break up. No discussion before of problems she had. Honestly looking back, she was shady and I felt not as honest I was in this relationship. The state of the relationship made me uncomfortable and insecure. I felt she was constantly pressing my boundaries, and trying to change me into something I’m not, despite me saying I didn’t want to do x or y. Many times it felt like pulling teeth trying to get to know her. As time went on, the situation felt fishy, and something felt off.

It sucks, but I think I dodged a bullet. I feel like this a day later…

Like a Rolling Stone:

Well, some relationships are practice for the real thing. Honestly that shitty ending is making it easier to move on, but we will see. Grief has it’s own clock.

Maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to date yet. I need to figure out what to do for work, and a long term career. Well, I learned a bunch of important lessons in this short relationship. No text only relationships. I learned that my boundaries are much stronger than I’ve assumed, and that I can handle myself. Trust your gut. Love is not enough. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. (Well, I’ve known that last bit for years. It was important to have it reinforced.) If it feels too good to be true, it likely is. Nobody is worth your own peace of mind.

At the least, all my effort the past year to learn about relationships has paid off. I recommend anyone that wants to learn more about modern dating to watch this youtube channel, hosted by dating coach Susan Winter:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8Jb8Z7yJS9mXqF37Dcm2HQ

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

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