Fight? Flight? Freeze? Fawn? Fucking Fascism. & a personal Failure.

As a follow up to last time I posted,

I fucked up. I withdrew from Chemistry 160 (beginners level) last Monday because I fell too far behind and did poorly on the first two quizzes. On advice from my former professor, I attempted to transfer to the other chemistry class at a different time, but, it was too far into the quarter and there was a test that day. So I decided to drop out of the class and accept a Withdrawal grade instead a likely fail grade.

I’ve been devastated.

Add on the stupid breakdown of every department in the American government and Nazis taking charge and I don’t know whether to fight, flee, ~~don’t Fawn,~~ and end up frozen in despair.

The bottom line with my failure of Chemistry is that I didn’t study enough, set a regular schedule that worked for this hybrid online class, and when I struggled to understand the material, didn’t ask for help.

Because I have a serious problem trusting others and asking for help. Aka, attachment problems I known about for years.

This failure is especially painful because I really enjoy science and respect the field. It was a possible future career path if the therapy path didn’t turn out.

The reality of needing science fields, and chemistry being tied to doing calculations to do the work (MATH) is disappointing.

I’m not sure what my plans for the future with science credits for a degree are yet.

And that’s without considering what the asshole Trump administration is doing right now to destroy every single agency that would hold them accountable.

Fuck Donald Trump and Elon Musk!

What did I do instead of studying?

Woman transfixed on her phone, scrolling endlessly with her thumb. Her eyes melt out of her skull.

Doom scroll on threads for hours and hours every day while watching something on the background. 🙃🫠

I began by watching YouTube videos that were part of the online coursework for chemistry. That changed quickly once January 20th hit, the day of the inauguration hit, and the Fuck head Elon Musk did the Nazi twice. With no Republicans chastising him. With the media making disgusting excuses like saying he has Asperger’s (he doesn’t.) That man was a Nazi who viewed Autistic people as a problem for the Nazi Party because they were viewed as inferior and murdered in the concentration camps along with the millions of Jewish people and so many others.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Asperger?wprov=sfla1

I fucking hate this country.

Watching it relive Nazi Germany is a nightmare.

I don’t know what to do. I want to fight back, but don’t know how. Even if I did, I’m barely surviving as is because unlike these selfish fucking asshole celebrities in the news, I am actually autistic and not a Nazi. It’s impossible to be both. Being autistic is not an excuse for abuse or asshole behavior. Fuck them.

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